*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
connection
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead

<VxD> would you could you with a whore, would you could you against the door?
<VxD> you know, dirty Dr. Seuss just seems to come naturally
<rlangis> I would do it with a whore, I would bang her up against the door
<rlangis> I would bang her all night long, I would bang her in a throng

< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry

[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???

< geekinpink> If a job keeps me too busy to interview then I don't want it

15:11 < _vertex_> in the same way that oral surgery is legend
15:11 < shiruken> I like oral
15:12 * lispy nods at shiruken
15:13 < lispy> any guy that says he doesn't like oral is just trying to get laid ;)
15:13 < _vertex_> hehehe
15:13 < shiruken> hrm, never knew that liking oral was an inhibitor to getting nookie
15:14 < shiruken> though I wonder how many guys turn down a blowjob
15:14 < shiruken> "Want a blowjob?"
15:14 < shiruken> "Nah, I'm ok"
15:14 < matchboy> it's like passing up a bong hit
15:14 < shiruken> totally
15:14 < shiruken> it just doesn't happen
15:14 < matchboy> "Nah, that's cool... maybe next time."
15:15 < shiruken> I give the same response to both
15:15 < shiruken> "Just don't tell my wife"

19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture

<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <shiruken> like, you don't pick up the name, 'Bukkake Bill'
by shining shoes
<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <HentaiJessOIT> Bukkake: when a mommy and a daddy and a
daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy get together
so they can give mommy a special facial moisturizing treatment.

<baloo> "Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of
Bakersfield that the monkeys chewed most of Davis' face off and
that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach
his nose. Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that the
chimps also tore off Davis' testicles and foot."
<GiR> I know.. I'm scared too
<baloo> Can't you get an assisted suicide permit in Oregon if that
happens to you?
<rlangis> might

<@ Omniflare> *** NewOrleans has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

<VxD> hehe, emails are so much fun when people leave out words
<VxD> an example of one I got during the night, where the word "restore" was
left out: "Hello DBAs,
<VxD> Can you please the database in production."
<thumper^> heh
<thumper^> pet it nicely, and say nice things in it's ear.

< VxD> anyway time to ride home
< grishnav> always leaving us
< Nihilist> rarely ever even offering a reach around.
< grishnav> just takes and takes

<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about chill the ham
<GiR> lispy wants you to know: chill the ham is, like, happy talk for buttsex
<cwells> is that an offer?
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about offer
<GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
<cwells> wow
<cwells> that's an offer

-!- Polk_ [i=kew@c-67-171-140-109.hsd1.or.comcast.net] has joined #orlug
< kraptv> Hi Polk. I love your audio. I gotta go.

< vertex-> ah friday off
< vertex-> it's like
< vertex-> like
< vertex-> like heaven. corporate heaven. massa done let me have a day
for myself
< dooder> you lucky bastard
< vertex-> oh but massa say I gots to shine his ass on Monday.
< vertex-> twice

* thumper^ has a palm he never uses
VxD> you jack off with your feet?

< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl

< fords> this week blows
< IamLordV1ldemort> fords: But does it swallow?
< fords> IamLordV1ldemort: only if you let it put it in your behind

virtualdev: I'm playing MSSQL DBA today
virtualdev: *sigh*
virtualdev: I wish they would have approved my bloody training in that
bykguy: HEH
virtualdev: I have a couple online classes that I'm taking, but it isn't the same
bykguy: nope
virtualdev: I like having the instructors hands all over me...
virtualdev: uh, I mean, hands-on training

<cellarstella> I'm trying to think of someway that a blowjob is like knitting, but I really can't think of anything
<Miichael> lol
<cellarstella> guess you're SOL, cwells
<thumper^> Requires skill and a gentle touch?
<cellarstella> not really
<thumper^> Well I guess you're not sucking me off then.

<Weebs> I can't remembermy router pw
<VxD> let me see if I can hack it
-:- SignOff Weebs: #sportbikesnw (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<VxD> HAHAHAHAHAHA

<thumper^> Sleep well?
< jae_fox> kinda lol
<thumper^> I should make a script that makes stats about how often you 'lol'
< jae_fox> ok
<thumper^> Right now we've said 134 lines to eachother. You've said 'lol' 18 times. That's 13% of the lines you've spoken, have contained 'lol'
< jae_fox> omg
< jae_fox> thats sad
<thumper^> That you say it, or that I took the time to make the stats? :P
< jae_fox> both
<thumper^> :)

<shiruken> break in the back
<shiruken> like you normally do
<VxD> I thought you were hinting at brokeback for a second there
<dooder> VxD : that might be cool. I think i'll at least try and get the holes dug this weekend

< the-wes> is there a way I can tell if I'm inside of Screen from the command line?
< Wraithan> the-wes: echo $TERM
< marxu> what Wraithan said ^
< cjdaniel> What marxu said ^
< Rev_Slid3r> yup ^
< marxu> we are a conga line of RIGHT

<shiruken> anyhow, those are good grades
<nate> thanks dad
<lispy> i knew it!
<lispy> nate is the love child of VxD and shiruken !
<GiR> I'm gonna make toast!
* lispy runs to the press with his new story
<lispy> screw this, i'm going home
<shiruken> lispy: he got his mac from some daddy
<nate> his name was Visa
<nate> and he owns my butthole

< karrlii> i have bad hair
< karrlii> i need to get it cut
< lispy> too bad penises don't work like that
< lispy> "My penis is too short, I better let it grow out"
< karrlii> haha
< karrlii> i don't like big penises they hurt
< lispy> as ken always says, "Is 11" big? I don't really know...I
haven't seen very many penises"

< cwells> shiruken: have another coffee
< shiruken> ?
< shiruken> I'm just not subtle
< shiruken> ever
< cwells> i'm just basing my observation on sheer line count
< shiruken> ah
< lispyoncrack> does this conversation make my logfile look fat?

< ferris> most people here are from where Portland, Eugene and Corvalis?
< grishnav> yes, and most people here also use black backgrounds, making
your blue text fucking impossible to see
< shiruken> and Beaverton
< ferris> lol how could i forget
< grishnav> is there lots of beaver in beaverton?
< grishnav> ferris: some people do it by not remembering
< grishnav> others are just ignorant

<Weebs_> I sung no whitesnake this weekend
<Weebs_> but I was able to sleep with a hottie (read sleep as sleep, not as sex or even getting some)
<VxD> read: sleep in same tent but different sleeping bags and try to hold back sobs as he jacks himself off to sleep...
<Weebs_> hey come on, give me some credit
<Weebs_> back of an explorer 1 sleeping bag ok
<VxD> sorry, couldn't resist
<VxD> didn't the hand motions wake her up?
<Weebs_> haha nope, she was out

<shiruken> hrm, I made a tuna sandwhich this morning
<shiruken> for lunch
<shiruken> now, everytime I get my fingers close to my nose, I think I had sex

* skye waits very impatiently for Duke Nuke'em Forever
< moxious> don't hold your breath
<@rlangis> we've all been holding our breath since '96
< moxious> and somehow you're still alive :\
<@rlangis> I cheated
<@rlangis> I took a breath every time they announced a delay
< sporkie> lol
< skye> roflmfao

< vtpark> I am watching some sort of fetish tv show on Virgin 1.
< VxD> mmm, virgin fetishes!
< vtpark> they are on dungeon fetishes right now
< vtpark> I kind of tolerate commercials more because I don't feel like a
target demographic anymore.
< VxD> after the sex change your whole buying pattern doesn't fit in the
box huh?

<@hemp> big iron
<@Weebs> my iron is big
<@VxD> you are a nine iron in a three wood world...

<HentaiJessOIT> OMG FUNNIEST LETTER TO THE EDITOR EVAAR
<HentaiJessOIT> If the universe was created by intelligent design, then why did the designer create so many dumb people?
<HentaiJessOIT>
<HentaiJessOIT> BILL SNOUFFER, Southwest Portland

<hemp> We had a guy apply for our QA position who has multiple sniper certifications from the Army, I think .. can't remember which branch
<hemp> He was also a martial arts instructor
<hemp> for the Army
<hemp> He asked me during the interview, "am I making you nervous?" ('cause we were talking about all his combat stuff). I said, "no, I've played a lot of Halo."

<@Weebs> I have a trailer you can use
<@Weebs> and your girlfriend has a truck
<@Weebs> you're set
<@dgibbons> my gf doesn't have a truck
<@hemp> what Weebs meant was, he will use your girlfriend while your gone
<@VxD> well, Weebs has a truck, sounds like a fair rental trade

<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.

<@Weebs> I Was a bunko party on saturdday
<@Weebs> and while I was at the head table this girl asked "so this is
where the orgy happens right? since this is the head table"
<@Weebs> too bad she was the only unattractive girl there

<Baloo> LinuxWorld started with a fire drill today.
<Baloo> The Unisys booth had a server catch fire an hour into the convention
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG
<HentaiJessOIT> freaky
<HentaiJessOIT> i gotta shut a few computers down
<Baloo> Kayfox said "Heh, typical unisys"
<Angel_Bear> I thought Linux was the OS that was supposed to Not Suck.
<Baloo> Hey now.
<Baloo> The software was willing, but the hardware was weak and flammable.

<VxD> funny, I did that Monday
<VxD> TUNA
<pr0kfried> made a sammich, or had sex?
<VxD> sure
<shiruken> vxd probably did them at the same time
<shiruken> he's multi-tasking like that

< pr0kfried> chicks with tatoos always look trashy to me
< shiruken> depends on the tattoo
< VxD> "Slippery when wet"
< shiruken> "Instant Slut: Just add Alchohol"
< VxD> "Pull back tab to reveal prize"

<rlangis> fuck the girl scouts!
<rlangis> er...
<geekinpink> lol
<forkmaster> I could, but I think I would get in trouble
<geekinpink> isn't that their new moto?
<dooder> if it's not, it should be
<rlangis> no, that's the boy scout's new motto
<geekinpink> fuck the girl scouts...buy a cookie
<dooder> they can start selling cherries

< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?

< Rev_Slid3r> I just now noticing a date error on the scheduling too
< VxD> did your system stand you up on the date?
< Rev_Slid3r> yes
< Rev_Slid3r> left me holding a floppy

<shiruken> so, I talked with a kernel developer this morning
<shiruken> relating the Randal story
<shiruken> and he goes, "oh, tell me when your next meeting is
<shiruken> he wants to come
<VxD> shiruken: that's hot!
<VxD> the next meeting date is on...my wife's birthday
<VxD> frickin' luck
<linuxninja> shiruken: awesome
<charlieS> what's more important? Linux, or wife?
<VxD> well linux of course, but don't tell my wife that :)
<VxD> she calls my computer my mistress
<charlieS> once linux can suck you off..
<charlieS> lol
<VxD> and I have 4 mistresses at home :)
<VxD> I have a computer harem!
<charlieS> schwweeeeet

< em0ry> the guy, i called him teh Kool-Aid Man
< em0ry> So i'm in the shower one summer morning with teh widnows open in
teh bathroom
< em0ry> and i hear them rustling upstairs
< em0ry> and i hear her half-hearted groans
< em0ry> and him yelling:
< em0ry> "OH YEAH! OOOOH YEAH! OH YEAH!"
< em0ry> hense, Kool-Aid Man

< Nihilist> I had dreams about you less week shiruken do you have a crush
on me?
< shiruken> Nihilist: no
< Nihilist> oh.
< Nihilist> oh well.
< shiruken> look, it's not you, it me
< shiruken> honest
< Nihilist> yeah.. right.
< shiruken> it's that.. well.. you know.. I'm currently married
< shiruken> and my wife gives me what you can't
< Nihilist> that didn't stop you last week when you... did those things..
< Nihilist> she can't please you like i can!!!!
< shiruken> that's true
< shiruken> she does a good job
< shiruken> you don't
< thumper^> THINGS HE DOOO?
< shiruken> sorry it had to end this way
< shiruken> but..
< shiruken> it's over
< Nihilist> NOO
* Nihilist cries
< Nihilist> but but shiruken
< Nihilist> I love you!
< shiruken> also, pressure of getting married puts wierd strains on people
< shiruken> you start thinking, did I have sex with everyone I wanted to?
< shiruken> did I want to have a messy 50 guy gang bang first?

< cactus> emo birthday cakes are the best
< cactus> they cut themselves

< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer

< lispy> everyone has had more sex than me!
< shiruken> duh
< shiruken> of course
< shiruken> hell, my first time, I bet I had more sex than you