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#210 + (19) - [X]
<cellarstella> I'm trying to think of someway that a blowjob is like knitting, but I really can't think of anything
<Miichael> lol
<cellarstella> guess you're SOL, cwells
<thumper^> Requires skill and a gentle touch?
<cellarstella> not really
<thumper^> Well I guess you're not sucking me off then.
#158 + (10) - [X]
[12:56] <Weebs> I'm trying to think of something to eat for lunch
[12:56] <Weebs> any ideas?
[12:56] <VxD> penis
[12:56] <VxD> sliced and fried in butter
[12:56] <Weebs> no thanks, I only have one here and I'm saving it for a special
occasion

#71 + (4) - [X]
< ferris> most people here are from where Portland, Eugene and Corvalis?
< grishnav> yes, and most people here also use black backgrounds, making
your blue text fucking impossible to see
< shiruken> and Beaverton
< ferris> lol how could i forget
< grishnav> is there lots of beaver in beaverton?
< grishnav> ferris: some people do it by not remembering
< grishnav> others are just ignorant

#309 + (5) - [X]
< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry
#288 + (15) - [X]
<Angel_Bear> I once did a Google search on "flesh eating bacteria".
<Angel_Bear> Sure enough, in the Google listings, I read "Flesh Eating Bacteria: Whatever you want, you can get it on eBay."

#161 + (17) - [X]
09:27 < cwells> you guys just need to learn the word "anal"
09:28 < cwells> the original birth control

#375 + (4) - [X]
< teknotus> Also donuts.
< teknotus> But if no one is comming I'll take them with me when I leave.
< teknotus> I just sneezed with a mouthfull of coffee. I'm guessing no one else will want donuts now.
#221 + (24) - [X]
hemp: is google down?
VxD: like weebs on your sister
#339 + (12) - [X]
<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha
#219 + (8) - [X]
<@ Omniflare> *** NewOrleans has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

#296 + (9) - [X]
< cwells:#orlug> i like to sit at home and count my balls, over and over
#83 + (5) - [X]
< VxD> anyway time to ride home
< grishnav> always leaving us
< Nihilist> rarely ever even offering a reach around.
< grishnav> just takes and takes

#227 + (11) - [X]
< cwells> great
< cwells> we have ants in the kitchen
< cwells> i debated for a moment whether i should clean up, but opted
instead to stab one with a butcher knife
< cwells> that should discourage the rest of them
< rlangis> damned skippy

#4 + (5) - [X]
23:27 <largos> hm... I'm a bit curious where those messages are.
23:27 <lispy> they will come through
23:28 <lispy> i did a cvs something or another the other day and it took
like 20-30 for it to show up in my inbox
23:28 <largos> yeah, like a herd of turtles stampeeding through
molassas...
23:28 <lispy> ah, they're so cute!
23:28 <lispy> GiR: look!
23:28 <GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
23:28 <lispy> {}: dances with turtles
23:28 <{}> lispy: I want something that turns mere turtles into four
foot tall ninjas or something.
#166 + (6) - [X]
< vertex-> ah friday off
< vertex-> it's like
< vertex-> like
< vertex-> like heaven. corporate heaven. massa done let me have a day
for myself
< dooder> you lucky bastard
< vertex-> oh but massa say I gots to shine his ass on Monday.
< vertex-> twice
#398 + (30) - [X]
< Ryphecha> I think I need to put diapers on my portable AC.
< cjdaniel> no!
< cjdaniel> redirect the flow to drip on the exterior condensor for increased efficiency
< cjdaniel> *condenser?
< Ryphecha> I think it already does something like that
< Ryphecha> I cleaned out the air filter and turned the inside-blowy fan to max, hopefully that'll reduce the condensation rate.
< kraptv> yeah, it should drip outside, not inside.
< kraptv> is it angled with the bottom sticking more outward than the top?
< Ryphecha> Also a spider is now crawling all over the AC, I'm not sure if that's helping or not.
< kraptv> it should be.
< kraptv> (angle the bottom so the water flows outside the house, not inside.
< Ryphecha> Kinda hard to do that in a bedroom with a single window far from the floor. :p
< Ryphecha> Unless I drill a huge hole through the wall, hmm...
< kraptv> well beefalo boings.
< cjdaniel> Time to get a drip pan and a dog then.
< Ryphecha> I fill the pan with water for the dog's thirst and let the dog lick me constantly to benefit from evaporative cooling?
< Ryphecha> I think that would require more than one dog to be effective.
< VxD> Clustered Dog Lick Cooling System (tm)
< cjdaniel> Ryphecha: haha, I was thinking the dog could drink from the pan, thereby eliminating the need to empty it :-P
< cjdaniel> Dogs are not easily configured to lick constantly anyway
< cjdaniel> Prerequisite peanut butter or similar body cover is called for, which then reduces potential cooling benefits to the point of the whole endeavour being useless

#163 + (10) - [X]
<@Weebs> I Was a bunko party on saturdday
<@Weebs> and while I was at the head table this girl asked "so this is
where the orgy happens right? since this is the head table"
<@Weebs> too bad she was the only unattractive girl there

#106 + (8) - [X]
*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has joined channel
#darcs
<shebikibrown> PRIVMSG nickserv :IDENTIFY ishere
<lispy> ugh
ERC> /msg nickserv ghost shebikibrown ishere
*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has quit: Nick
collision from services.

#85 + (9) - [X]
< Nihilist> I had dreams about you less week shiruken do you have a crush
on me?
< shiruken> Nihilist: no
< Nihilist> oh.
< Nihilist> oh well.
< shiruken> look, it's not you, it me
< shiruken> honest
< Nihilist> yeah.. right.
< shiruken> it's that.. well.. you know.. I'm currently married
< shiruken> and my wife gives me what you can't
< Nihilist> that didn't stop you last week when you... did those things..
< Nihilist> she can't please you like i can!!!!
< shiruken> that's true
< shiruken> she does a good job
< shiruken> you don't
< thumper^> THINGS HE DOOO?
< shiruken> sorry it had to end this way
< shiruken> but..
< shiruken> it's over
< Nihilist> NOO
* Nihilist cries
< Nihilist> but but shiruken
< Nihilist> I love you!
< shiruken> also, pressure of getting married puts wierd strains on people
< shiruken> you start thinking, did I have sex with everyone I wanted to?
< shiruken> did I want to have a messy 50 guy gang bang first?

#371 + (14) - [X]
<@Weebs> for the past 2-3 years I've been getting emails from a golfball company
<@Weebs> today's topic was "Personalizing your balls: How to make them yours, how to make them know their yours in a group"
<@Weebs> I greatly enjoyed the laugh I got out of it
#108 + (18) - [X]
<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>DAMMIT!
<thumper^>heh
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression

#228 + (4) - [X]
< lispy> everyone has had more sex than me!
< shiruken> duh
< shiruken> of course
< shiruken> hell, my first time, I bet I had more sex than you

#322 + (2) - [X]
< lokkju_wrk_> these Mormons (a nice young couple - boy and girl, around
19) always came around in the late morning, once per week,
to all the houses. Well, my friend works nights, and had
just gotten up, and was about to get in the shower...
well hung over and not thinking very well - he heard a
knock and went to answer the door... This nice couple
looked at him, the girl yelled pervert, and they never did
come back... you see, he was only wearing a sock -
< lokkju_wrk_> and it was on his foot

#215 + (3) - [X]
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about chill the ham
<GiR> lispy wants you to know: chill the ham is, like, happy talk for buttsex
<cwells> is that an offer?
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about offer
<GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
<cwells> wow
<cwells> that's an offer
#269 + (8) - [X]
< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl

#104 + (6) - [X]
virtualdev: I'm playing MSSQL DBA today
virtualdev: *sigh*
virtualdev: I wish they would have approved my bloody training in that
bykguy: HEH
virtualdev: I have a couple online classes that I'm taking, but it isn't the same
bykguy: nope
virtualdev: I like having the instructors hands all over me...
virtualdev: uh, I mean, hands-on training
#114 + (15) - [X]
< baloo> I hope the punishment for whoever came up with Burger King's
current ads is eternity in hell being force fed Bacon Chedder
Ranch burgers while listening to that damn jingle.
< VxD> and to your ribs they're stickin'...
< shiruken> the girls are hot on that ad
< VxD> they don't look as good on the radio
< baloo> shiruken: The girls are hot on that ad, but I've discovered that
some of the girls driving trucks into Troutdale are also pretty
hot.
< shiruken> hrm, never would've thought that
< baloo> Another thing I noticed: If it's a woman driving the truck, it
could be a sewage truck with shit running down the sides and a
slightly less anorexic Britney Spears will be driving it. Brand
new 65 foot Freightliner with a sleeper larger than the studio I
had downtown? The Queen of Sea Cows will be driving it.
< shiruken> I'm having a hard time believing this
< baloo> OK, do you have any weekdays off?
< shiruken> to go scope out truck stops?
< shiruken> hrm, let me check my calendar

#94 + (6) - [X]
< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer

#211 + (16) - [X]
< geekinpink> well, I'm going to spend the night at my boyfriend's house
< geekinpink> ta-ta
< nate> slu
< cactus> hot monkey sex!
< VxD> wait, don't leave yet, my wife isn't gone!
#323 + (8) - [X]
< fords> this week blows
< IamLordV1ldemort> fords: But does it swallow?
< fords> IamLordV1ldemort: only if you let it put it in your behind
#30 + (14) - [X]
<Weebs> I can't remembermy router pw
<VxD> let me see if I can hack it
-:- SignOff Weebs: #sportbikesnw (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<VxD> HAHAHAHAHAHA
#311 + (11) - [X]
13:49 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, wats your name?
13:49 <@Ducbot> cruiseoveride: no idea
13:49 < cruiseoveride> VxD, how do i create alias for What to wat ?
13:50 <@VxD> well since that's not actually english, he isn't going to play
13:50 <@VxD> Ducbot: spell wat
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wat: swat what waft wait Walt want wart
watt at bat cat eat fat hat mat Nat oat pat rat sat tat vat wet
wit wot Wac wad wag wan war was wax way w at w-at
13:50 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, spell wats
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wats: swats whats wafts waits wants
warts watts Ats was bats cats eats fats hats lats mats oats
pats rats tats vats wets wits Wacs wads wags wars ways watt w
Ats w-Ats
13:50 <@VxD> mats oats pats rats!
13:51 < cruiseoveride> so it cant be aliased?
13:51 <@VxD> it could, but I don't want to
13:51 < cruiseoveride> common
13:51 <@VxD> I'd rather make you use english
13:53 < cruiseoveride> I'd rather make you use English
13:53 < cruiseoveride> Proper nouns are spelled with Capital Letters
13:53 <@VxD> that's nice there eh bloke?
13:54 <@VxD> I wonder what the Capitol of Letters would be named...
13:54 < cruiseoveride> you know what im getting at man
13:54 < cruiseoveride> How do you alias question key words like "Whats"
13:55 <@VxD> it is already built-in, contractions like "what's" and "who's"
13:55 < cruiseoveride> contraction != alias
13:56 <@VxD> why would I want an alias for "whats"
13:56 < cruiseoveride> wats?
13:56 < cruiseoveride> Its not ALL about YOU man
13:56 <@VxD> actually, in this case, it is
13:57 * cruiseoveride cries and tells the teacher
13:58 <@jasn> because typing that h is just sooo much work
14:02 < cruiseoveride> I just wanted him to be a little more *intelligent*
14:02 <@jasn> intelligent by using improper speach?
14:02 <@jasn> makes sense...

#130 + (16) - [X]
< VxD> I hate working all of a sudden at this time of night, all I want
to do it eat munchies
< HentaiJess> you should watch some pr0n. that'll keep you from being
hungry...at least for munchies, anyway
< rlangis> who's been doing lines of catnip, eh?
< rlangis> yeah, try to sound authoritive with your pants down around
your knees in front of the computer
< HentaiJess> can you check the fan? it seems to be making this weird
"fap, fap" noise....

#218 + (3) - [X]
< Drown> rendevouz
< xinu> rendezvous
< xinu> i have no idea why i know how to spell that word
< lispy> renderbooze
< xinu> i think i used it in a love letter to some chick in junior high
and wanted to make sure i spelled it right
< lispy> man, that gives me an idea...
< xinu> lispy: you're going to write a love letter to some chick?
< lispy> xinu: haha
< lispy> no, i should write an program to show off my l33t skillz that
just 3d renders types of alcohol
< lispy> called it renderbooze
< xinu> haha, that's awesome
< lispy> er call not called
< lispy> heh, Renderbooze: Absolute 3D

#294 + (14) - [X]
<agilman> Im bidding on a dish network card reader
<agilman> so I will be able to get all channels for free like I used to
<shiruken> because you like to get sued?
<agilman> sued by whom?
<shiruken> dish or directv
<agilman> Im stealing from dish
<agilman> they need a warrant to check my house
<agilman> having a sattelite on your roof isn't proof alone
<shiruken> nah, the card reader is
<shiruken> it's proof enough
<agilman> you're such a pussy
<agilman> do you never park in handicap parking either?
<shiruken> only when I was driving the handicap van
<shiruken> go ahead, I know people who got sued :)
<agilman> or how about tasting stuff at winco?
*shiruken shrugs
<shiruken> go ahead
<Baloo> agilman: You park in handicapped spaces?
<agilman> I am, I hope I win the bidding
<agilman> Baloo: sometimes
<agilman> done that like 3 times
<Baloo> agilman: So... your handicap... is it mental?

#224 + (23) - [X]
<cactus> fur is not the suit! skin is the suit!
<Baloo> cactus: Soylent Men's Warehouse?
<cactus> its made out of people..but you will like the way you look, I gaurantee
<lispy`> it puts the lotion on its fur or it gets the hose again

#259 + (10) - [X]
< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?
#262 + (4) - [X]
<@hemp> big iron
<@Weebs> my iron is big
<@VxD> you are a nine iron in a three wood world...

#196 + (3) - [X]
<inertia> Happy Flag Day!!!! :)
<VxD> Happy Fag Day?
<iNERG> It's flag day?
<Weebs> FLAG DAY!!!!
<iNERG> Huh.. it really is flag day.
<iNERG> I just looked on my calendar.
<iNERG> Almost makes me want to go out and find a flag with a big penis on it and hang it up.
<Weebs> YOU unpatriotic buttmunch, how can you not know it's flagday
* inertia looks around for her vagina flag...
<Weebs> google big penis flag
<Weebs> "did you mean big penis fag?"
<iNERG> rofl
<iNERG> That's classic.
#77 + (3) - [X]
< Weebs[zof]> I think it would be weird to mount a pregnant woman who is
married, that I've dated her sister

#21 + (13) - [X]
< VxD> yeah, goddamn mysql
< VxD> it makes Access look good
#105 + (20) - [X]
<vertex--> if i ever can name a mountain, i will call it "Samba"
<vertex--> Mount Samba
#136 + (24) - [X]
<@Weebs> I would really enjoy being at home right now
<@VxD> jack off hour?

#111 + (4) - [X]
< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?
#39 + (2) - [X]
<shiruken> so, I talked with a kernel developer this morning
<shiruken> relating the Randal story
<shiruken> and he goes, "oh, tell me when your next meeting is
<shiruken> he wants to come
<VxD> shiruken: that's hot!
<VxD> the next meeting date is on...my wife's birthday
<VxD> frickin' luck
<linuxninja> shiruken: awesome
<charlieS> what's more important? Linux, or wife?
<VxD> well linux of course, but don't tell my wife that :)
<VxD> she calls my computer my mistress
<charlieS> once linux can suck you off..
<charlieS> lol
<VxD> and I have 4 mistresses at home :)
<VxD> I have a computer harem!
<charlieS> schwweeeeet
#330 + (4) - [X]
< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
#22 + (7) - [X]
<VxD> you totally need that
<VxD> I really want to see it shift w/o a clutch :)
<pr0kfried> ok can i have $1200
<VxD> heh, I don't have any money
<VxD> but I hear that you can steal Nihilist's car
<pr0kfried> oh k
<VxD> since he refuses to register cars in his own name when he buys them
<pr0kfried> nice
<Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
<Nihilist> hey you said if i didn't tell anyone that you masterbate in your
wifes panties while watching your dogs do each other you wouldn't
tell anyone ab out the registration thing
<VxD> ...I only have one dog :)
<Nihilist> then what what it doing? you sick fucker!
<GiR> Must obey the taco man!
<pr0kfried> what what
<Nihilist> what/was
<pr0kfried> what was it
<pr0kfried> i'll take bad comebacks for $400 alex
#187 + (1) - [X]
< cwells> this is so not belinda carlisle getting gangbanged
< cwells> i *hate* false adverts on edonkey

#278 + (1) - [X]
< Sportbikerohni> I went up to my parent's house to store my trailer. I
locked myself out of my car
<@VxD> *grin*
<@VxD> and yet, you are able to use the internet...

#214 + (9) - [X]
19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture
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