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< baloo> Build-a-bear workshop is creepy
< shiruken> whoa, wait a minute
< shiruken> you're a furry
< shiruken> and you think build-a-bear workshop is freaky?
< VxD> it's like they are making a fake soul
< VxD> it doesn't have a *REAL* furry heart
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<rlangis> Not to be unpatriotic (or gay), but I'd much rather give a blowjob than go to war.
#286
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<shiruken> break in the back
<shiruken> like you normally do
<VxD> I thought you were hinting at brokeback for a second there
<dooder> VxD : that might be cool. I think i'll at least try and get the holes dug this weekend
#398
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< Ryphecha> I think I need to put diapers on my portable AC.
< cjdaniel> no!
< cjdaniel> redirect the flow to drip on the exterior condensor for increased efficiency
< cjdaniel> *condenser?
< Ryphecha> I think it already does something like that
< Ryphecha> I cleaned out the air filter and turned the inside-blowy fan to max, hopefully that'll reduce the condensation rate.
< kraptv> yeah, it should drip outside, not inside.
< kraptv> is it angled with the bottom sticking more outward than the top?
< Ryphecha> Also a spider is now crawling all over the AC, I'm not sure if that's helping or not.
< kraptv> it should be.
< kraptv> (angle the bottom so the water flows outside the house, not inside.
< Ryphecha> Kinda hard to do that in a bedroom with a single window far from the floor. :p
< Ryphecha> Unless I drill a huge hole through the wall, hmm...
< kraptv> well beefalo boings.
< cjdaniel> Time to get a drip pan and a dog then.
< Ryphecha> I fill the pan with water for the dog's thirst and let the dog lick me constantly to benefit from evaporative cooling?
< Ryphecha> I think that would require more than one dog to be effective.
< VxD> Clustered Dog Lick Cooling System (tm)
< cjdaniel> Ryphecha: haha, I was thinking the dog could drink from the pan, thereby eliminating the need to empty it :-P
< cjdaniel> Dogs are not easily configured to lick constantly anyway
< cjdaniel> Prerequisite peanut butter or similar body cover is called for, which then reduces potential cooling benefits to the point of the whole endeavour being useless
#224
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<cactus> fur is not the suit! skin is the suit!
<Baloo> cactus: Soylent Men's Warehouse?
<cactus> its made out of people..but you will like the way you look, I gaurantee
<lispy`> it puts the lotion on its fur or it gets the hose again
#171
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< cactus> vaginas dont like irc
< geekinpink> mine doesn't seem to mind
< cactus> well, you are sitting on it..what is it going to say?
< cactus> >_<
< geekinpink> murphle...weralkdfj...
#221
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hemp: is google down?
VxD: like weebs on your sister
#167
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< wilco> My wife returns today! Yay!
< VxD> the IRS is giving you a refund?
< wilco> Two weeks of abstinence^Wabsence is hard to bear!
< wilco> Haha
< VxD> "I'm sorry sir, when we asked if you wanted to file your wife
jointly we didn't intend you to mail her with your forms."
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< matchboy> karrlii: i peaked at your photos on your site of you in a
swimsuit!
< matchboy> you're way hotter than vxd in his
< matchboy> but, i still prefer the idea of baloo in his bear suit in a
swimsuit
#208
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< cwells> shiruken: have another coffee
< shiruken> ?
< shiruken> I'm just not subtle
< shiruken> ever
< cwells> i'm just basing my observation on sheer line count
< shiruken> ah
< lispyoncrack> does this conversation make my logfile look fat?
#143
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< kraptv> mastiff logs in as root for daily activities.
< VxD> I login as pigfucker for daily activities
< mastiff> I login as root, but I set the UID of root to 666 and make an
account called satan that has UID 0
< mastiff> so when you do an ls -lR on my system it looks like all my
files are posessed by the devil
#210
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<cellarstella> I'm trying to think of someway that a blowjob is like knitting, but I really can't think of anything
<Miichael> lol
<cellarstella> guess you're SOL, cwells
<thumper^> Requires skill and a gentle touch?
<cellarstella> not really
<thumper^> Well I guess you're not sucking me off then.
#220
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<Nihilist> you suck more and more every day
<cwells> hm
<cwells> so does your server
<cwells> as i pull one piece off of it everytime you talk shit to me
<cwells> luckily for you most of the peices are small
<cwells> like this capacitor that just came off
<Nihilist> and uhm.. i put suger in your girlfriend and fucked your car!
<rlangis> stella is sweet and his car is already fucked. ;)
<rlangis> you're quick, Nihilist
<cellarstella> I got sugar in me!
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*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
connection
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead
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< teknotus> Is the sound something like "Owch that hurts so much that I
think I might die"?
< VxD> like when you go pee after sex?
< wilco> Why does that happen? Do you think seminal fluid dissolves the
interior of the urethra a bit?
< shiruken> hrm, I pee before sex
< _vertex_> *cough*gonherrea*cough*
< shiruken> the few times after, I haven't had any pain
< wilco> Actually, it's usuually only after jerking off
< wilco> And no, it's not VD
< _vertex_> wilco: been swabbed?
< VxD> gak
< _vertex_> VxD knows
< shiruken> if wilco says he's clean, he's clean
< wilco> I'm clean
< _vertex_> how do you know where that hand has been?
< _vertex_> hmmm?
< shiruken> there was the time that my hand cheated on me with Ben Affleck
< _vertex_> my hand went to thailand once for a week and I didn't let it
back in bed until it went to the doctor
< shiruken> I have to list my hand a sexual offender in a database
< _vertex_> what an aweful week, but when the tests came back clean it
was a most excellent reunion
< shiruken> you had make up sex then
< _vertex_> oh yeah for days
#179
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<rlangis> fuck the girl scouts!
<rlangis> er...
<geekinpink> lol
<forkmaster> I could, but I think I would get in trouble
<geekinpink> isn't that their new moto?
<dooder> if it's not, it should be
<rlangis> no, that's the boy scout's new motto
<geekinpink> fuck the girl scouts...buy a cookie
<dooder> they can start selling cherries
#190
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<Weebs_> I sung no whitesnake this weekend
<Weebs_> but I was able to sleep with a hottie (read sleep as sleep, not as sex or even getting some)
<VxD> read: sleep in same tent but different sleeping bags and try to hold back sobs as he jacks himself off to sleep...
<Weebs_> hey come on, give me some credit
<Weebs_> back of an explorer 1 sleeping bag ok
<VxD> sorry, couldn't resist
<VxD> didn't the hand motions wake her up?
<Weebs_> haha nope, she was out
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<wilee_work> next time I go the a lug , I need to see the flesh copy of the people I talk to
#136
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<@Weebs> I would really enjoy being at home right now
<@VxD> jack off hour?
#105
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<vertex--> if i ever can name a mountain, i will call it "Samba"
<vertex--> Mount Samba
#222
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[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???
#229
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[Weebs] so I hung out with my girlfriends friends on saturday night... it was odd. They all were vegan (my gf isn't) and I walked in with a bag of KFC food.
[Weebs] 2 of the 3 friends had been protesting a KFC that morning.
[Weebs] kinda awkward
[Weebs] after about 20 minutes of being scolded about eatting the death birds of american society they finally stopped
[Weebs] I was feeling kinda bad about the whole thing. They believe so strongly in animal rights and crap
[Weebs] so anyways we played monopoly for a while then they all started to leave.
[Weebs] Katie and I walked them out to their cars.
[Weebs] as sara (super vegan deluxe) opened her door I noticed something about her car
[Weebs] it had leather seats!
[@ thumper^] HAH!
[@ VxD] bwwwhahahahahaha
[Weebs] I was so ready to fly off the damn handle at her
[@ thumper^] JOO BE BUSTED, BIOTCH!
[Weebs] sara just got a job with PETA in georgia
[Weebs] so basically, she harassed people who were going to KFC for food in the morning, harassed me in the evening, then rode home on the lushious assmeat of a baby cow.
#274
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20:40 -!- vertex- [n=vertex@69-9-146-48.dsl.mind.net] has joined #orlug
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> OH THANK GOD
20:40 < vertex-> np
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> he did find it and brought it inside
20:40 < vertex-> sorry I'm late
20:40 < cactus> :)
20:40 < cactus> that's what she said..
20:40 < cactus> oh wait..
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> hahahahaha
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* VxD writes an exception handler for nuts ()
#344
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* skye waits very impatiently for Duke Nuke'em Forever
< moxious> don't hold your breath
<@rlangis> we've all been holding our breath since '96
< moxious> and somehow you're still alive :\
<@rlangis> I cheated
<@rlangis> I took a breath every time they announced a delay
< sporkie> lol
< skye> roflmfao
#371
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<@Weebs> for the past 2-3 years I've been getting emails from a golfball company
<@Weebs> today's topic was "Personalizing your balls: How to make them yours, how to make them know their yours in a group"
<@Weebs> I greatly enjoyed the laugh I got out of it
#288
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<Angel_Bear> I once did a Google search on "flesh eating bacteria".
<Angel_Bear> Sure enough, in the Google listings, I read "Flesh Eating Bacteria: Whatever you want, you can get it on eBay."
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<floppyfw> my stepmother #5 asks me "how can you put up a web page? I thought AOL owned the internet?"
#108
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<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>DAMMIT!
<thumper^>heh
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression
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<baloo> "Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of
Bakersfield that the monkeys chewed most of Davis' face off and
that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach
his nose. Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that the
chimps also tore off Davis' testicles and foot."
<GiR> I know.. I'm scared too
<baloo> Can't you get an assisted suicide permit in Oregon if that
happens to you?
<rlangis> might
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< geekinpink> well, I'm going to spend the night at my boyfriend's house
< geekinpink> ta-ta
< nate> slu
< cactus> hot monkey sex!
< VxD> wait, don't leave yet, my wife isn't gone!
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<livinded>Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay = G4TV
[06:09:00 pm] - --livinded has left the chat (Kicked by G4|CyBot. Reason: SSSSSPAM. Don't you think writing "A" once or twice would be enough? You wrote 105 of them!!! When you come back, don't spam. Ok, thanks, bye.).
[06:09:06 pm] - --FifthDream sets mode +b *!*@66.75.91.108 on #g4tv
[06:09:15 pm] <baloo>Fifthdream hits another one out of the park.
[06:09:40 pm] <shadow-fox> into deep center field
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< VxD> I hate working all of a sudden at this time of night, all I want
to do it eat munchies
< HentaiJess> you should watch some pr0n. that'll keep you from being
hungry...at least for munchies, anyway
< rlangis> who's been doing lines of catnip, eh?
< rlangis> yeah, try to sound authoritive with your pants down around
your knees in front of the computer
< HentaiJess> can you check the fan? it seems to be making this weird
"fap, fap" noise....
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19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture
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< thumper^> VxD ruied me for other inter office gay lovers
< shiruken> inter-office gay loving
< shiruken> do they put the name of the next person on your back and drop
you off at the front desk?
#252
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<kth5> Don't argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. :)
#255
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<HentaiJessOIT> OMG FUNNIEST LETTER TO THE EDITOR EVAAR
<HentaiJessOIT> If the universe was created by intelligent design, then why did the designer create so many dumb people?
<HentaiJessOIT>
<HentaiJessOIT> BILL SNOUFFER, Southwest Portland
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<@Weebs> effing hell man if you're going to post a pic of yourself with a
naked chick at least make sure it's a good pic of a naked chick
<@hemp> exactly
<@VxD> totally
<@sab_> you pimp what you got, and thats as close as he got
<@VxD> some crazy Ashland Marti Gras
<@Weebs> seriously, my penis is trying to go inside my body now... canine style
<@VxD> ...
<@Weebs> it's like a tube of lipstick :*(
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<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha
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<@Weebs> I have a trailer you can use
<@Weebs> and your girlfriend has a truck
<@Weebs> you're set
<@dgibbons> my gf doesn't have a truck
<@hemp> what Weebs meant was, he will use your girlfriend while your gone
<@VxD> well, Weebs has a truck, sounds like a fair rental trade
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< baloo> I hope the punishment for whoever came up with Burger King's
current ads is eternity in hell being force fed Bacon Chedder
Ranch burgers while listening to that damn jingle.
< VxD> and to your ribs they're stickin'...
< shiruken> the girls are hot on that ad
< VxD> they don't look as good on the radio
< baloo> shiruken: The girls are hot on that ad, but I've discovered that
some of the girls driving trucks into Troutdale are also pretty
hot.
< shiruken> hrm, never would've thought that
< baloo> Another thing I noticed: If it's a woman driving the truck, it
could be a sewage truck with shit running down the sides and a
slightly less anorexic Britney Spears will be driving it. Brand
new 65 foot Freightliner with a sleeper larger than the studio I
had downtown? The Queen of Sea Cows will be driving it.
< shiruken> I'm having a hard time believing this
< baloo> OK, do you have any weekdays off?
< shiruken> to go scope out truck stops?
< shiruken> hrm, let me check my calendar
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09:27 < cwells> you guys just need to learn the word "anal"
09:28 < cwells> the original birth control
#259
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< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?
#294
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<agilman> Im bidding on a dish network card reader
<agilman> so I will be able to get all channels for free like I used to
<shiruken> because you like to get sued?
<agilman> sued by whom?
<shiruken> dish or directv
<agilman> Im stealing from dish
<agilman> they need a warrant to check my house
<agilman> having a sattelite on your roof isn't proof alone
<shiruken> nah, the card reader is
<shiruken> it's proof enough
<agilman> you're such a pussy
<agilman> do you never park in handicap parking either?
<shiruken> only when I was driving the handicap van
<shiruken> go ahead, I know people who got sued :)
<agilman> or how about tasting stuff at winco?
*shiruken shrugs
<shiruken> go ahead
<Baloo> agilman: You park in handicapped spaces?
<agilman> I am, I hope I win the bidding
<agilman> Baloo: sometimes
<agilman> done that like 3 times
<Baloo> agilman: So... your handicap... is it mental?
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< vtpark> I am watching some sort of fetish tv show on Virgin 1.
< VxD> mmm, virgin fetishes!
< vtpark> they are on dungeon fetishes right now
< vtpark> I kind of tolerate commercials more because I don't feel like a
target demographic anymore.
< VxD> after the sex change your whole buying pattern doesn't fit in the
box huh?
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< pr0kfried> chicks with tatoos always look trashy to me
< shiruken> depends on the tattoo
< VxD> "Slippery when wet"
< shiruken> "Instant Slut: Just add Alchohol"
< VxD> "Pull back tab to reveal prize"
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virtualdev: I'm playing MSSQL DBA today
virtualdev: *sigh*
virtualdev: I wish they would have approved my bloody training in that
bykguy: HEH
virtualdev: I have a couple online classes that I'm taking, but it isn't the same
bykguy: nope
virtualdev: I like having the instructors hands all over me...
virtualdev: uh, I mean, hands-on training
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<VxD> funny, I did that Monday
<VxD> TUNA
<pr0kfried> made a sammich, or had sex?
<VxD> sure
<shiruken> vxd probably did them at the same time
<shiruken> he's multi-tasking like that
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<Baloo> LinuxWorld started with a fire drill today.
<Baloo> The Unisys booth had a server catch fire an hour into the convention
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG
<HentaiJessOIT> freaky
<HentaiJessOIT> i gotta shut a few computers down
<Baloo> Kayfox said "Heh, typical unisys"
<Angel_Bear> I thought Linux was the OS that was supposed to Not Suck.
<Baloo> Hey now.
<Baloo> The software was willing, but the hardware was weak and flammable.
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[12:56] <Weebs> I'm trying to think of something to eat for lunch
[12:56] <Weebs> any ideas?
[12:56] <VxD> penis
[12:56] <VxD> sliced and fried in butter
[12:56] <Weebs> no thanks, I only have one here and I'm saving it for a special
occasion
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17:31 < geekinpink> hmmm...I don't find him very attractive
17:33 < wilco> Most people don't :)
17:34 < geekinpink> and that size of penis sounds kinda painful.
17:47 < wilco> Eh, depends what you're into :)
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<@shiruken> we went to a mexican restaurant
<@shiruken> my daughter said, "Daddy are you mexi-can?"
<@shiruken> "uh no"
<@shiruken> "Then why are you so brown?"
<@thumper^> Why *ARE* you so brown?
<@shiruken> because I'm so full of shit
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< shiruken> you don't label the masturbation door
< shiruken> you mark it
< shiruken> if you catch my drift
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< Nihilist> I had dreams about you less week shiruken do you have a crush
on me?
< shiruken> Nihilist: no
< Nihilist> oh.
< Nihilist> oh well.
< shiruken> look, it's not you, it me
< shiruken> honest
< Nihilist> yeah.. right.
< shiruken> it's that.. well.. you know.. I'm currently married
< shiruken> and my wife gives me what you can't
< Nihilist> that didn't stop you last week when you... did those things..
< Nihilist> she can't please you like i can!!!!
< shiruken> that's true
< shiruken> she does a good job
< shiruken> you don't
< thumper^> THINGS HE DOOO?
< shiruken> sorry it had to end this way
< shiruken> but..
< shiruken> it's over
< Nihilist> NOO
* Nihilist cries
< Nihilist> but but shiruken
< Nihilist> I love you!
< shiruken> also, pressure of getting married puts wierd strains on people
< shiruken> you start thinking, did I have sex with everyone I wanted to?
< shiruken> did I want to have a messy 50 guy gang bang first?
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<matchboy> hurt me.
<VxD> you heard us talking about gay man spanking earlier didn't
you...
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<@Weebs> it always makes me nervous when VxD isn't actively talking...
I'm scared that he's finally snapped and has done something that
would warrent his arrest :(
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<Weebs> I can't remembermy router pw
<VxD> let me see if I can hack it
-:- SignOff Weebs: #sportbikesnw (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<VxD> HAHAHAHAHAHA
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|18:03| < nate> my ass is on fire
|18:03| < rlangis> damnit VxD, I told you to use lube!
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<@hemp> big iron
<@Weebs> my iron is big
<@VxD> you are a nine iron in a three wood world...
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< cwells:#orlug> i like to sit at home and count my balls, over and over
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< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
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*** Weebs has signed off IRC ().
VxD: oh noes, he died!
hemp: there is another
*** Weebs has joined #sportbikesnw.
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< keithgodat> well i pray but... unless your christian your gonna think
im insane ;-)
< robbyonrails> yeah, i think most prayers are insane
< keithgodat> well then your gonna think this is even more insane
< keithgodat> I speak in tounges, tremble when im in Gods presence, and
ive been slain in the spirit alot :D
< VxD> what level of Doom was that?
#283
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01:41 < cwells> rlangis
01:41 < cwells> what's up?
01:42 < rlangis> not a whole hell of a lot
01:42 < cwells> you asked where i was
01:42 < cwells> here i am
01:42 < cwells> take your clothes off
01:42 * rlangis complies
01:43 < cwells> going to reboot in a minute tho
01:43 < cwells> so we'll have to hurry
01:43 < rlangis> heh
01:43 < cwells> cyber quickie
01:43 < rlangis> yeah baby
01:43 < cwells> poke poke
01:43 < cwells> grope grope
01:43 < cwells> pant pant
01:43 < cwells> unf
01:43 -!- cwells [n=cwells@c-24-22-58-161.hsd1.or.comcast.net] has quit
["Leaving"]
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13:49 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, wats your name?
13:49 <@Ducbot> cruiseoveride: no idea
13:49 < cruiseoveride> VxD, how do i create alias for What to wat ?
13:50 <@VxD> well since that's not actually english, he isn't going to play
13:50 <@VxD> Ducbot: spell wat
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wat: swat what waft wait Walt want wart
watt at bat cat eat fat hat mat Nat oat pat rat sat tat vat wet
wit wot Wac wad wag wan war was wax way w at w-at
13:50 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, spell wats
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wats: swats whats wafts waits wants
warts watts Ats was bats cats eats fats hats lats mats oats
pats rats tats vats wets wits Wacs wads wags wars ways watt w
Ats w-Ats
13:50 <@VxD> mats oats pats rats!
13:51 < cruiseoveride> so it cant be aliased?
13:51 <@VxD> it could, but I don't want to
13:51 < cruiseoveride> common
13:51 <@VxD> I'd rather make you use english
13:53 < cruiseoveride> I'd rather make you use English
13:53 < cruiseoveride> Proper nouns are spelled with Capital Letters
13:53 <@VxD> that's nice there eh bloke?
13:54 <@VxD> I wonder what the Capitol of Letters would be named...
13:54 < cruiseoveride> you know what im getting at man
13:54 < cruiseoveride> How do you alias question key words like "Whats"
13:55 <@VxD> it is already built-in, contractions like "what's" and "who's"
13:55 < cruiseoveride> contraction != alias
13:56 <@VxD> why would I want an alias for "whats"
13:56 < cruiseoveride> wats?
13:56 < cruiseoveride> Its not ALL about YOU man
13:56 <@VxD> actually, in this case, it is
13:57 * cruiseoveride cries and tells the teacher
13:58 <@jasn> because typing that h is just sooo much work
14:02 < cruiseoveride> I just wanted him to be a little more *intelligent*
14:02 <@jasn> intelligent by using improper speach?
14:02 <@jasn> makes sense...
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< fords> this week blows
< IamLordV1ldemort> fords: But does it swallow?
< fords> IamLordV1ldemort: only if you let it put it in your behind
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< karrlii> i have bad hair
< karrlii> i need to get it cut
< lispy> too bad penises don't work like that
< lispy> "My penis is too short, I better let it grow out"
< karrlii> haha
< karrlii> i don't like big penises they hurt
< lispy> as ken always says, "Is 11" big? I don't really know...I
haven't seen very many penises"
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<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.
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<@Weebs> I Was a bunko party on saturdday
<@Weebs> and while I was at the head table this girl asked "so this is
where the orgy happens right? since this is the head table"
<@Weebs> too bad she was the only unattractive girl there
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<@Weebs> I pee a little bit everynight on my roommates bed
<@VxD> because you miss his mouth?
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< vertex-> ah friday off
< vertex-> it's like
< vertex-> like
< vertex-> like heaven. corporate heaven. massa done let me have a day
for myself
< dooder> you lucky bastard
< vertex-> oh but massa say I gots to shine his ass on Monday.
< vertex-> twice
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< cwells> there's a big market for male strippers up there
< Nihilist> cwells: male strippers or "looks like young children"
strippers?
< cellarstella> the latter
< GiR> the latter is more what kraptv is interested in.
< VxD> I bet he is
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<@ Omniflare> *** NewOrleans has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
#227
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< cwells> great
< cwells> we have ants in the kitchen
< cwells> i debated for a moment whether i should clean up, but opted
instead to stab one with a butcher knife
< cwells> that should discourage the rest of them
< rlangis> damned skippy
#300
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< geekinpink> If a job keeps me too busy to interview then I don't want it
#337
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< cactus> emo birthday cakes are the best
< cactus> they cut themselves
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< fords> i 'unno, i'm not hip to this level of piracy. first time i've done it. i'm a pirate virgin.
< the-wes> we're not copying VHS here
< the-wes> this is digital data
< the-wes> the 1s and 0s don't magically disappear when you upload
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15:11 < _vertex_> in the same way that oral surgery is legend
15:11 < shiruken> I like oral
15:12 * lispy nods at shiruken
15:13 < lispy> any guy that says he doesn't like oral is just trying to get laid ;)
15:13 < _vertex_> hehehe
15:13 < shiruken> hrm, never knew that liking oral was an inhibitor to getting nookie
15:14 < shiruken> though I wonder how many guys turn down a blowjob
15:14 < shiruken> "Want a blowjob?"
15:14 < shiruken> "Nah, I'm ok"
15:14 < matchboy> it's like passing up a bong hit
15:14 < shiruken> totally
15:14 < shiruken> it just doesn't happen
15:14 < matchboy> "Nah, that's cool... maybe next time."
15:15 < shiruken> I give the same response to both
15:15 < shiruken> "Just don't tell my wife"
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<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <shiruken> like, you don't pick up the name, 'Bukkake Bill'
by shining shoes
<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <HentaiJessOIT> Bukkake: when a mommy and a daddy and a
daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy get together
so they can give mommy a special facial moisturizing treatment.
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<robbyonrails> i bought a Teen Beat magazine
<robbyonrails> cut the eyes out it
<robbyonrails> off tons of girls
<cwells> this is my favorite show
<robbyonrails> and such
<robbyonrails> and pasted pages together
<robbyonrails> ripped off feet on some of them
<robbyonrails> and then left it in the mens bathroom
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< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl
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< Rev_Slid3r> I just now noticing a date error on the scheduling too
< VxD> did your system stand you up on the date?
< Rev_Slid3r> yes
< Rev_Slid3r> left me holding a floppy
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< teknotus> Also donuts.
< teknotus> But if no one is comming I'll take them with me when I leave.
< teknotus> I just sneezed with a mouthfull of coffee. I'm guessing no one else will want donuts now.
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<VxD> would you could you with a whore, would you could you against the door?
<VxD> you know, dirty Dr. Seuss just seems to come naturally
<rlangis> I would do it with a whore, I would bang her up against the door
<rlangis> I would bang her all night long, I would bang her in a throng
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< VxD> yeah, goddamn mysql
< VxD> it makes Access look good
#22
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<VxD> you totally need that
<VxD> I really want to see it shift w/o a clutch :)
<pr0kfried> ok can i have $1200
<VxD> heh, I don't have any money
<VxD> but I hear that you can steal Nihilist's car
<pr0kfried> oh k
<VxD> since he refuses to register cars in his own name when he buys them
<pr0kfried> nice
<Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
<Nihilist> hey you said if i didn't tell anyone that you masterbate in your
wifes panties while watching your dogs do each other you wouldn't
tell anyone ab out the registration thing
<VxD> ...I only have one dog :)
<Nihilist> then what what it doing? you sick fucker!
<GiR> Must obey the taco man!
<pr0kfried> what what
<Nihilist> what/was
<pr0kfried> what was it
<pr0kfried> i'll take bad comebacks for $400 alex
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< VxD> anyway time to ride home
< grishnav> always leaving us
< Nihilist> rarely ever even offering a reach around.
< grishnav> just takes and takes
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< thumper^> I would look funny sitting on a bike that small.
< lispy> chicks dig a funny guy
< VxD> circus clowns get all the action
* lispy goes to join the circus
< shiruken> you just don't want that action
* VxD watches the bearded lady go down on lispy
< thumper^> The bearded lady is randy for your little wang
#226
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-!- Polk_ [i=kew@c-67-171-140-109.hsd1.or.comcast.net] has joined #orlug
< kraptv> Hi Polk. I love your audio. I gotta go.
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< em0ry> the guy, i called him teh Kool-Aid Man
< em0ry> So i'm in the shower one summer morning with teh widnows open in
teh bathroom
< em0ry> and i hear them rustling upstairs
< em0ry> and i hear her half-hearted groans
< em0ry> and him yelling:
< em0ry> "OH YEAH! OOOOH YEAH! OH YEAH!"
< em0ry> hense, Kool-Aid Man
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< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry
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NotoriousOIT: haha, i'm talking to some friends about how I had an HPV scare in college
NotoriousOIT: i had an abnormal pap, had to go in for a colposcopy and a cervical biopsy
NotoriousOIT: turned out negative, but it was still scary as hell trying to figure out where the fuck i could've picked up the cunt-plague
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< VxD> yeah, I used BitchX for years, until someone finally convinced me to switch to irssi
< Wraithan> VxD: try weechat
< Wraithan> it is nice :D
< VxD> does it give me a big e-penis?
< Wraithan> yeah
< VxD> woot! 8========================D
< Wraithan> increase by at least 50%!
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<@VxD> just grow a low hedge on two sides
<@VxD> solved
<@Weebs> also works for spicing up life in the bedroom
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<VxD> hehe, emails are so much fun when people leave out words
<VxD> an example of one I got during the night, where the word "restore" was
left out: "Hello DBAs,
<VxD> Can you please the database in production."
<thumper^> heh
<thumper^> pet it nicely, and say nice things in it's ear.
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< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer
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< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?
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* thumper^ has a palm he never uses
VxD> you jack off with your feet?
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< ferris> most people here are from where Portland, Eugene and Corvalis?
< grishnav> yes, and most people here also use black backgrounds, making
your blue text fucking impossible to see
< shiruken> and Beaverton
< ferris> lol how could i forget
< grishnav> is there lots of beaver in beaverton?
< grishnav> ferris: some people do it by not remembering
< grishnav> others are just ignorant
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<shiruken> anyhow, those are good grades
<nate> thanks dad
<lispy> i knew it!
<lispy> nate is the love child of VxD and shiruken !
<GiR> I'm gonna make toast!
* lispy runs to the press with his new story
<lispy> screw this, i'm going home
<shiruken> lispy: he got his mac from some daddy
<nate> his name was Visa
<nate> and he owns my butthole
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<inertia> Happy Flag Day!!!! :)
<VxD> Happy Fag Day?
<iNERG> It's flag day?
<Weebs> FLAG DAY!!!!
<iNERG> Huh.. it really is flag day.
<iNERG> I just looked on my calendar.
<iNERG> Almost makes me want to go out and find a flag with a big penis on it and hang it up.
<Weebs> YOU unpatriotic buttmunch, how can you not know it's flagday
* inertia looks around for her vagina flag...
<Weebs> google big penis flag
<Weebs> "did you mean big penis fag?"
<iNERG> rofl
<iNERG> That's classic.
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<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about chill the ham
<GiR> lispy wants you to know: chill the ham is, like, happy talk for buttsex
<cwells> is that an offer?
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about offer
<GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
<cwells> wow
<cwells> that's an offer
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< Drown> rendevouz
< xinu> rendezvous
< xinu> i have no idea why i know how to spell that word
< lispy> renderbooze
< xinu> i think i used it in a love letter to some chick in junior high
and wanted to make sure i spelled it right
< lispy> man, that gives me an idea...
< xinu> lispy: you're going to write a love letter to some chick?
< lispy> xinu: haha
< lispy> no, i should write an program to show off my l33t skillz that
just 3d renders types of alcohol
< lispy> called it renderbooze
< xinu> haha, that's awesome
< lispy> er call not called
< lispy> heh, Renderbooze: Absolute 3D
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< teknotus> dgibbons: Does your work have the same NSFW principles as
other places?
< fords> and i thought the nsfw bit was a joke
< fords> (it's not)
< teknotus> VERY NSFW
< dgibbons> teknotus: meaning if no one saw it it didnt happen?
< WormRunner> depends on what kind of work you do
< rlangis> I suppose looking at stock sites would be NSFW if you were in
the porn industry
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<hemp> We had a guy apply for our QA position who has multiple sniper certifications from the Army, I think .. can't remember which branch
<hemp> He was also a martial arts instructor
<hemp> for the Army
<hemp> He asked me during the interview, "am I making you nervous?" ('cause we were talking about all his combat stuff). I said, "no, I've played a lot of Halo."
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<@shiruken> well, look at Ben and I
<@shiruken> that's what you're headed for if you get married
<@shiruken> 3 kids and tricking 20 year olds into giving you their trash for no money
<@Nihilist> i hate you
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< the-wes> is there a way I can tell if I'm inside of Screen from the command line?
< Wraithan> the-wes: echo $TERM
< marxu> what Wraithan said ^
< cjdaniel> What marxu said ^
< Rev_Slid3r> yup ^
< marxu> we are a conga line of RIGHT
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Weebs: what has 4 eyes and only 1 eyebrow?
hemp: your mom?
newtMcKerr: no way dude, his mom only has 1 eye and 1 eybrow
VxD: newtMcKerr: you had her upside down
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<shiruken> so, I talked with a kernel developer this morning
<shiruken> relating the Randal story
<shiruken> and he goes, "oh, tell me when your next meeting is
<shiruken> he wants to come
<VxD> shiruken: that's hot!
<VxD> the next meeting date is on...my wife's birthday
<VxD> frickin' luck
<linuxninja> shiruken: awesome
<charlieS> what's more important? Linux, or wife?
<VxD> well linux of course, but don't tell my wife that :)
<VxD> she calls my computer my mistress
<charlieS> once linux can suck you off..
<charlieS> lol
<VxD> and I have 4 mistresses at home :)
<VxD> I have a computer harem!
<charlieS> schwweeeeet
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*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has joined channel
#darcs
<shebikibrown> PRIVMSG nickserv :IDENTIFY ishere
<lispy> ugh
ERC> /msg nickserv ghost shebikibrown ishere
*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has quit: Nick
collision from services.
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< cwells> this is so not belinda carlisle getting gangbanged
< cwells> i *hate* false adverts on edonkey
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<thumper^> Sleep well?
< jae_fox> kinda lol
<thumper^> I should make a script that makes stats about how often you 'lol'
< jae_fox> ok
<thumper^> Right now we've said 134 lines to eachother. You've said 'lol' 18 times. That's 13% of the lines you've spoken, have contained 'lol'
< jae_fox> omg
< jae_fox> thats sad
<thumper^> That you say it, or that I took the time to make the stats? :P
< jae_fox> both
<thumper^> :)
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<@VxD> thumper^: what's the screen resolution on that Etch-a-sketch pen?
< thumper^> it's pretty small. ich square or so
< thumper^> Inch
<@VxD> can it run at 800x600 at least?
< thumper^> ...
<@VxD> and does it have a DVI input?
< thumper^> Of course
<@VxD> I was thinking to mod it into a heads up display
< nihilist> hah
< nihilist> dvi etchasketch
<@VxD> dvi 800x600 etchasketch HUD!
< lispy> nice HUD until you do a somersault
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< Baloo> I might be going to Vegas in August with my girlfriend
< geekinpink> for a few days
< geekinpink> Baloo, are you guys getting hitched up?
< Baloo> geekinpink: I wasn't planning on it
< cactus> if you are drunk and elvis shows up..
< cactus> shit might go down
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< dgibbons> Weebs: so when you going to see your new digs?
< dgibbons> basement or bedroom!
<@Weebs> :( dunno. Seriously the idea of moving is like a fat chick in a g-string to me
< dgibbons> cmon you pussy
<@newtMcKerr> so Weebs you must be pretty excited then
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23:27 <largos> hm... I'm a bit curious where those messages are.
23:27 <lispy> they will come through
23:28 <lispy> i did a cvs something or another the other day and it took
like 20-30 for it to show up in my inbox
23:28 <largos> yeah, like a herd of turtles stampeeding through
molassas...
23:28 <lispy> ah, they're so cute!
23:28 <lispy> GiR: look!
23:28 <GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
23:28 <lispy> {}: dances with turtles
23:28 <{}> lispy: I want something that turns mere turtles into four
foot tall ninjas or something.
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< shiruken> now, is it a bad sign if you fall asleep by passing out drunk
more than say 6 times a week?
< vertex--> shiruken: it's a bad sign if you find yourself waking up in
the bar's bathroom more than 3 times per week
< shiruken> hrm
< vertex--> truth is hard eh?
< shiruken> that's not hte only thing hard
< nate> what about the weener in your butt ?
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<lispy> damn, my rio doesn't hold a charge when it is off
<VxD> you need the Rio Grande to do that
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<shiruken> hrm, I made a tuna sandwhich this morning
<shiruken> for lunch
<shiruken> now, everytime I get my fingers close to my nose, I think I had sex
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< [i]con> I asked a customer to get by his main CPU and reseat the
network cable, and he said to me "Wow Tyler, I didn't know
you'd have me getting on my knees so early in the morning."
< [i]con> Needless to say, I had to quickly put him on mute to hide the
laugh.
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< lispy> everyone has had more sex than me!
< shiruken> duh
< shiruken> of course
< shiruken> hell, my first time, I bet I had more sex than you
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* cwells does the robot
* cwells switches up and does the "penis propeller"
* shiruken comes back from his meeting
<cwells> i knew that would bring you back
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< Daehlie> the corporate world is like a knife fight, you muscle out some
turf without gettings hurt too bad, and then you protect it with your life