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<VxD> funny, I did that Monday
<VxD> TUNA
<pr0kfried> made a sammich, or had sex?
<VxD> sure
<shiruken> vxd probably did them at the same time
<shiruken> he's multi-tasking like that
#330
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< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
#224
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<cactus> fur is not the suit! skin is the suit!
<Baloo> cactus: Soylent Men's Warehouse?
<cactus> its made out of people..but you will like the way you look, I gaurantee
<lispy`> it puts the lotion on its fur or it gets the hose again
#176
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17:31 < geekinpink> hmmm...I don't find him very attractive
17:33 < wilco> Most people don't :)
17:34 < geekinpink> and that size of penis sounds kinda painful.
17:47 < wilco> Eh, depends what you're into :)
#284
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<__cwells__> a box has four sides
<__cwells__> four straight sides
<fords> six.
<fords> unless you meant the other kind of box.
<shiruken> 5
<shiruken> you need a top hole
<fords> a five sided box would be impractical for moving
<fords> you'd have a beastly time stacking them in the truck
<shiruken> offset them
<__cwells__> a box has four sides and a top and a bottom
<__cwells__> sheesh
<shiruken> so the bottom corners are halfway at sides
<shiruken> i.e. the position of the box is offset of the one below it by 45 degrees
<fords> what would that be called, a pentahedron?
<__cwells__> the china supports the weight of the other boxes
<shiruken> fords: 2 boxes stacked
<shiruken> that's what it'd be called
<fords> shiruken: no, because stacking does not change the shape of the box
<shiruken> the shape of the box is never changed
<shiruken> the orientation of the box is
<shiruken> I made it gay
<shiruken> here's a simple exercise
<shiruken> get a box
<shiruken> position it so that a wall of the box
<shiruken> is facing you
<shiruken> flat
<shiruken> then move the box by 45 degrees to the right
<shiruken> so the pointy part is facing you directly
<shiruken> see, I don't change the shape of the box
<fords> now i bow sharply plunging that corner into my eyes?
<__cwells__> and to think people claim IRC is a waste of time
#227
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< cwells> great
< cwells> we have ants in the kitchen
< cwells> i debated for a moment whether i should clean up, but opted
instead to stab one with a butcher knife
< cwells> that should discourage the rest of them
< rlangis> damned skippy
#297
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< geekinpink> damn! I was in the breakroom just now and this fat guy was
leaning down at the vending machine. I saw so much crack that I
think I saw a bit of upper thigh as well
#142
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< pr0kfried> i think it's funny that apache's spelling module is called mod_spel
< pr0kfried> sorry, mod_speling
< VxD> pr0kfried: typo you!
< pr0kfried> type, not mis-spelling
< VxD> pr0kfried: A LIKELY STORY!
#87
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< grishnav> zipties are incredibly useful when handcuffs aren't available.
< shiruken> or cockrings
< grishnav> or cockrings
< VxD> zipties make good cockrings?
< shiruken> yeah, have the wife pull it tight right before you cum
< VxD> hotness
< shiruken> slight numbness may ensue
#105
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<vertex--> if i ever can name a mountain, i will call it "Samba"
<vertex--> Mount Samba
#222
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[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???
#230
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<karrlii> i want to tell you guys a dream i've been having
<karrlii> so you can tell me what's wrong with me
<karrlii> i keep dreaming that my mother is trying on different sized penises on her head, like they're detachable
<karrlii> the other night the penis also came with a pulsating asshole
<karrlii> it was distrubring
<geekinpink> NO KIDDING
<karrlii> disturbing
.....
<geekinpink> do you have a good relationship with your mother?
.....
<karrlii> geekinpink yeah better now than what it used to be
<VxD> are you worried that you never got to try out all the penises you wanted and now you are stuck with only one?
<karrlii> VxD well i'm not stuck
<geekinpink> Sounds like you're calling her a penis-head
<karrlii> i can keep trying them out
.....
<geekinpink> karrlii: you can keep trying them out?
#15
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<rlangis> I don't mind other people having sex in my bed, as long as I can join them.
#190
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<Weebs_> I sung no whitesnake this weekend
<Weebs_> but I was able to sleep with a hottie (read sleep as sleep, not as sex or even getting some)
<VxD> read: sleep in same tent but different sleeping bags and try to hold back sobs as he jacks himself off to sleep...
<Weebs_> hey come on, give me some credit
<Weebs_> back of an explorer 1 sleeping bag ok
<VxD> sorry, couldn't resist
<VxD> didn't the hand motions wake her up?
<Weebs_> haha nope, she was out
#44
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<VxD> hehe, emails are so much fun when people leave out words
<VxD> an example of one I got during the night, where the word "restore" was
left out: "Hello DBAs,
<VxD> Can you please the database in production."
<thumper^> heh
<thumper^> pet it nicely, and say nice things in it's ear.
#332
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<hemp> We had a guy apply for our QA position who has multiple sniper certifications from the Army, I think .. can't remember which branch
<hemp> He was also a martial arts instructor
<hemp> for the Army
<hemp> He asked me during the interview, "am I making you nervous?" ('cause we were talking about all his combat stuff). I said, "no, I've played a lot of Halo."
#390
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<@Weebs> boners are like a divining rod for boobies
#329
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< NotoriousOIT> mmm bacon
< fords> i mean, i do love bacon.
< NotoriousOIT> who DOESN'T?
< VxD> it doesn't love me
< fords> yaweh
< fords> but i'm dead on my feet already. do i have time for bacon?
< NotoriousOIT> it's like concentrated deliciousness
< NotoriousOIT> true, cooking bacon is not recommended when you're
exhausted
< fords> i'm not THAT exhausted, but even still. that's work.
< fords> i dunno. i think i am gonna do it.
< NotoriousOIT> it's not recommended to cook bacon in the nude either
< fords> strike 2!
< NotoriousOIT> you only need to make THAT mistake once
< VxD> grease burned nipples
< NotoriousOIT> that's exactly what happened
< NotoriousOIT> and it HURT
< VxD> you might say...crispy nipples
< NotoriousOIT> ow.
< VxD> KFC Crispy Nipples! bet you can't eat just one!
< fords> NotoriousOIT: i don't spend much time thinking about your
nipples, but you've just brought to the front of my mind that particular image.
< VxD> I could see them selling in a two-pack
< fords> ...with strips of bacon tastefully draped across them.
< VxD> ( . ) ( . )
< VxD> Baconini is the latest swimwear rage!
< NotoriousOIT> hahaha
< fords> goddamnit! this flexible ice shit thaws in an hour, and takes
two hours to freeze
< NotoriousOIT> that particular comment needs pics
< VxD> you could go canadian bacon for the boobs
< fords> no, regular bacon.
< fords> hands down.
< VxD> then a strip bacon g-string
< VxD> talk about edible underwear!
#240
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<@Weebs> I hear hemp takes shots in the mouth for rack mount equipment
<@shiruken> oh?
<@hemp> actually -- I just need the rack
* hemp is looking for a nice, big rack
<@hemp> something I can really sink my chassis into
<@shiruken> to unload your equipment in?
<@hemp> needs to be able to handle a big load
<@hemp> and be easily turned on when I need it
<@hemp> low maintenance, though. preferably self-cleaning
<@hemp> although I haven't seen many of those
#144
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<lispy> damn, my rio doesn't hold a charge when it is off
<VxD> you need the Rio Grande to do that
#274
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20:40 -!- vertex- [n=vertex@69-9-146-48.dsl.mind.net] has joined #orlug
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> OH THANK GOD
20:40 < vertex-> np
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> he did find it and brought it inside
20:40 < vertex-> sorry I'm late
20:40 < cactus> :)
20:40 < cactus> that's what she said..
20:40 < cactus> oh wait..
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> hahahahaha
#148
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< Weebs> none of those asses were good
< Weebs> the first one isn't bad
<@VxD> I like ass, it's all good
<@hanna> I agree. I like big butts
< Weebs> not a fan
< Weebs> I couldn't be a rapper
#26
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I started to worry that my head was getting too big, my ego was getting out of control. Then i realized i was better than that!
#173
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< forkmaster> I can't host my 4U with you for $32/mo
< cwells> true
< cwells> maybe 32 and a handjob
< forkmaster> ooo, tempting
< forkmaster> I'll bring my 10 year old for the second part
< cwells> god
< cwells> you are a sick bastard
< cwells> is she hot?
#184
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<@[i]con> Arr!
<@[i]con> Avast.
<@Weebs> me hardy!
<@Weebs> parlay
<@[i]con> Arrgg.. I be the dread pirate swishy-hair, there be a storm
brewin' in me skivvies.
<@[i]con> Our company celebrates National Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, it's
great.
<@Weebs> does your company also sponsor ass orgies?
<@Weebs> cuz that's pretty gay
#393
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13:08 < dgibbons> anyone want a rototiller I couldn't get running?
<time passes>
07:54 <@Weebs> what have you tried on the tiller?
09:07 <@VxD> what have you not tried on the tiller?
09:07 <@VxD> How has the tiller changed your view on the world?
09:08 <@VxD> If you were a tiller, what color would you be?
09:08 <@VxD> When presented with two tillers, how would you choose the right one?
09:08 <@Weebs> if the tiller could use one word to decribe you what would it be
09:09 <@VxD> Have you ever had a conflict you couldn't resolve with a tiller? If so, what steps did you take to escalate the issue?
09:10 <@Weebs> where do you see the tiller being in 5 years?
09:10 <@VxD> If asked to map out a lifecycle roadmap on tiller management, where would you begin?
09:11 <@Weebs> if you were to ask the tiller's last supervisor to provide it additional training or exposure, what would he/she suggest?
09:11 <@VxD> Where do you feel the tiller falls in the ITIL incident management process?
09:12 <@Weebs> If the tiller could pick one superhero power what would it be and why?
09:12 <@VxD> If you were managing a group of tillers, would you make one tiller a lead to lessen your load? How would you enable that tiller?
09:13 <@Weebs> if the tiller had to get rid of one state in the US which one would it be and why?
09:13 <@VxD> If you were asked to help a tiller tie it's shoes by using words only, how would you proceed?
09:14 <@Weebs> What would the tiller's previous coworkers say about it?
09:14 <@VxD> What would your tiller sucession plan look like?
09:15 <@Weebs> Is there anyone the tiller just could not work with?
09:16 <@VxD> List out the tiller's prior roles in order and give a brief description on what the tiller liked about the job, why it took it, and why it left.
09:16 <@Weebs> Tell me why I should hire your tiller
09:16 < dgibbons> wow
09:17 <@VxD> Is there anything outside of work that you feel I should know about your tiller?
09:17 < dgibbons> anyways, I had a buddy come over with motivation and he cleaned it a bunch
09:17 < dgibbons> thats it
09:17 <@Weebs> jeez no wonder dgibbons never sells anything... he doesn't answer any questions!
#112
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< rlangis> gentoo is easy: http://bash.org/?464385
< baloo> You owe me a keyboard
< rlangis> LOL
#349
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< kronq_> Oh shit -- some has hijacked my baby
< kronq_> I need to scrape together $50k
< dgibbons> man, for 50k, you can just make another one
< pud> oh much cheaper
< dgibbons> 25k and i'll make you one
#113
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<baloo> "Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of
Bakersfield that the monkeys chewed most of Davis' face off and
that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach
his nose. Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that the
chimps also tore off Davis' testicles and foot."
<GiR> I know.. I'm scared too
<baloo> Can't you get an assisted suicide permit in Oregon if that
happens to you?
<rlangis> might
#156
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06:09 < shiruken> I think because it's closed source, it's against my morals
06:10 < shiruken> if I ever have a problem with photoshop, or wish to add a feature, I can't
06:10 < thumper^> You buy photoshop, you give money to adobe. it givew money to employees, employees give money to local economy, local economy grows.
06:10 < shiruken> and because I can't, the world is deprived of a better peice of software
06:10 < thumper^> How is thatnot helping
06:10 < thumper^> You think like a programmer, I think like a normal human.
06:11 < thumper^> I don't code anythign but web sites.
06:11 < shiruken> that run on apache and linux :)
#312
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16:47 < gleesond> fuck I just got hit by a car while riding my bike
16:47 < GiR> BUUUURRRRIIIITTOOO!
16:48 < gleesond> I'm ok but that was lame
16:48 < dgibbons> gleesond: don't ride in traffic next timje and i wont hit you
again!
16:49 < gleesond> LOL
16:53 < gleesond> All I was worried about was my laptop and it seems to be ok
16:59 < forkmaster> the medics come and he's like, "I know my leg is broken,
but can you check my laptop first?"
17:01 < dgibbons> hah
17:02 < gleesond> seriously thats what it was like!
#232
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< karrlii> my god i've completely superglued myself to myself
< rlangis> and yet you're still able to type
#388
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<Ryvius> woow, Brink is retarded. it doesn't support my resolution
<VxD> o/~ you say you wanna resolussssshhhhhhuuuunnnn wellllll you know, you can't have it all the time o/~
#269
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< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl
#345
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14:54 < thumper^> I live on the small horse ranch I work on.
14:54 < kraptv> what do you do to the horses?
14:54 < kraptv> and how do you keep them small?
#62
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< lispy> charlieS: well i don't have solutions memorized to arbitrary
problems, i don't consider that knowing the material. I have
things like definitions and proofs memorized, and then try to
solve new problems based on that. It just takes me a while, but
really I can't hold enough in my head to memorize arbitrary
problems
< charlieS> lispy, right, you don't memorize problems.. heh
< charlieS> it sounds like you haven't practiced the proofs enough,
that's all :)
< VxD> charlieS: you can cut them off of the back of the boxes of cereal
and then send them off for toys! I know proofs just fine!
#346
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* lon_home is psyched that the VFR broke him of being afraid to work on bikes
<@shiruken> you shouldn't be afraid of a bike
<@shiruken> a bike should be afraid of you
* Weebs agrees with shiruken
<@Weebs> next time strip a couple head bolts and show the bike who's boss!
<@VxD> head bolt strippers
<@hemp> baby... you can strip my head bolt anytime
#5
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< karrlii> have you ever had extreme chemistry with someone?
< karrlii> like when you're close to them it's some kind of chemical lust
and it's automatic
< karrlii> and you just just want to rip their clothes off and fuck them
< lispy> ah, yeah
< karrlii> but when you're away ... you don't feel anything?
< karrlii> i guess guys are like that more
< karrlii> than girls
< lispy> totally
< karrlii> maybe i'm turning into a guy
< lispy> at first i thought you meant "extreme chemistry" as in the
science
< lispy> i was getting worried
< karrlii> haha
< lispy> it's normal to get that extreme chemistry thing 7-8 times a day
right?
< lispy> ;)
< karrlii> haah totally
* VxD gives lispy an A+ in extreme chemistry
#65
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< Nihilist> grishnav: how's work going?
< grishnav> Nihilist: well, did you ever see that one anime where the guy
is raping the chick in her ass and his dick comes out her
mouth?
< Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
< Nihilist> no don't think i saw that one
< Nihilist> happy ending?
< grishnav> well, for him
#369
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< stackcats> winblows
< stackcats> I just deleted my bosses thunderbird folders
< stackcats> whups
< stackcats> just think of the time you'll save not reading those e-mails
< stackcats> last time she comes over here for tech support
< stackcats> hire an IT guy fer godssake
#282
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<hemp> http://www.airtoons.com/toons.php?toon=9
<hemp> I can't tell if that's safe for work or not.... ?
<shiruken> no
<shiruken> you're going to get me in trouble hemp!
<shiruken> a giant penis on a cartoon character is not safe for work
#271
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< Baloo> I might be going to Vegas in August with my girlfriend
< geekinpink> for a few days
< geekinpink> Baloo, are you guys getting hitched up?
< Baloo> geekinpink: I wasn't planning on it
< cactus> if you are drunk and elvis shows up..
< cactus> shit might go down
#241
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<@VxD> it's kinda stupid for me to be the only one submitting
<@shiruken> kinda like masturbation
<@Weebs> I've submitted some
<@Weebs> I won't submit my own quotes though....
<@VxD> and I'm sure a good many were approved
<@Weebs> so I have to rely on you people being funny
<@VxD> luckily we are pantloads full of funny
<@Weebs> which as we all know is like waiting for a nun to give you a
handjob during mass
#59
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< wilko> It was sent to me by my wife
< wilko> My wife sends me gay porn at work!
< thumper^> She wants to be sure you're not in the mood when you get home.
< VxD> perhaps she's trying to help you get in touch with your inner self
< shiruken> thumper^: s/not//
< thumper^> he might be in the mood, but not for her. :)
#154
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< kraptv> I just posted a staff-wide email request wanting a brick phone.
< thumper^> heh
< thumper^> You're going to have a hard time finding a carrier for that
phone
< kraptv> You imply I am going to use it as an analog cell phone.
< thumper^> Well, what else? Going to nuke your nuts with it?
#216
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<robbyonrails> i bought a Teen Beat magazine
<robbyonrails> cut the eyes out it
<robbyonrails> off tons of girls
<cwells> this is my favorite show
<robbyonrails> and such
<robbyonrails> and pasted pages together
<robbyonrails> ripped off feet on some of them
<robbyonrails> and then left it in the mens bathroom
#16
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<charlieS> short em. its only 12 volts - don't be a pussy
#302
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* lispy is hoping his internet potential gf will login to AIM
< Kool-Aid> e-galfriend!
< lispy> yeah
< lispy> she e-seduced me!
< lispy> and i want to e-jaculate all over her picture
#66
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< VxD> welcome cygnus
* cygnus waves
< VxD> how would you like to be spanked today?
< cygnus> moderately, with birch or oak
< VxD> sorry, I only have alder
< VxD> it's pretty similar to birch though
< cygnus> that's fine
< VxD> one of the harder softwoods
< VxD> or softer hardwoods :)
< cygnus> lol
< VxD> hey, that wasn't a joke
* VxD really does spank cygnus now
< VxD> alder gets nice dark veins in it if left dead before milling for a
set amount of time
< cygnus> hahahaha
< GiR> hahahaha are you serious?
< VxD> the veins of dark wood usually occur just before rotting
< VxD> I don't get why you are making fun of my little forestry lesson
for you here
< VxD> it's not every day you get to learn about a harder softwood with
dark veins that tends to grow in moist creekbeds!
< Nihilist> ...wow
< VxD> because of the moist environment, many of them tend to rot off at
the roots though
< _vertex_> nice
< VxD> but you can always cut them up and use them as firewood
< _vertex_> I need wood
< VxD> call my dad, he'll give you the wood
< _vertex_> he did! last year. I just used the last of it up.
< VxD> he's got more where that came from
#287
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< __cwells__> girls are all sass til you establish your roles
< __cwells__> consider shiruken
< __cwells__> he used to sass me all the time
< shiruken> then I fell in love with you
< __cwells__> now he just bites the pillow and cries softly to himself
< shiruken> and the way you grip my dick with your asshole
< __cwells__> those are pliers
< shiruken> and the lavendar lipstick you put on your mouth
* __cwells__ only uses shirukens dick to prop his ass in the air, like a jackstand
< __cwells__> see? like i'd wear lavender lipstick
< __cwells__> red only
< shiruken> :)
< __cwells__> you don't know shit