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#249 + (-7) - [X]
< Baloo> I get the feeling security here is underworked.
< Baloo> Just came back from a break in the parking lot, and I was
stading on the back of my truck to see down into the Vancouver
Mall parking lot.
< Baloo> Security rolls up, "Excuse me, would you mind getting down from
that truck, please? I'm sure the owner doesn't want you
climbing all over their vehicle."
< Baloo> "I think I speak with authority when I say the owner doesn't
give a damn."
< Baloo> "Why's that, sir?"
< HentaiJessOIT> LOL
< Baloo> I unlock the door.
< Baloo> "Oh, carry on, sir."
< HentaiJessOIT> *dies laughing*

#209 + (3) - [X]
<@VxD> thumper^: what's the screen resolution on that Etch-a-sketch pen?
< thumper^> it's pretty small. ich square or so
< thumper^> Inch
<@VxD> can it run at 800x600 at least?
< thumper^> ...
<@VxD> and does it have a DVI input?
< thumper^> Of course
<@VxD> I was thinking to mod it into a heads up display
< nihilist> hah
< nihilist> dvi etchasketch
<@VxD> dvi 800x600 etchasketch HUD!
< lispy> nice HUD until you do a somersault
#266 + (-10) - [X]
< tacodog> it's free vasectomy day here at planet argon
< tacodog> i got a message on my machine last night. wrong number (I hope) from some doctor's office confirming my vasectomy appointment today
#287 + (0) - [X]
< __cwells__> girls are all sass til you establish your roles
< __cwells__> consider shiruken
< __cwells__> he used to sass me all the time
< shiruken> then I fell in love with you
< __cwells__> now he just bites the pillow and cries softly to himself
< shiruken> and the way you grip my dick with your asshole
< __cwells__> those are pliers
< shiruken> and the lavendar lipstick you put on your mouth
* __cwells__ only uses shirukens dick to prop his ass in the air, like a jackstand
< __cwells__> see? like i'd wear lavender lipstick
< __cwells__> red only
< shiruken> :)
< __cwells__> you don't know shit
#284 + (-5) - [X]
<__cwells__> a box has four sides
<__cwells__> four straight sides
<fords> six.
<fords> unless you meant the other kind of box.
<shiruken> 5
<shiruken> you need a top hole
<fords> a five sided box would be impractical for moving
<fords> you'd have a beastly time stacking them in the truck
<shiruken> offset them
<__cwells__> a box has four sides and a top and a bottom
<__cwells__> sheesh
<shiruken> so the bottom corners are halfway at sides
<shiruken> i.e. the position of the box is offset of the one below it by 45 degrees
<fords> what would that be called, a pentahedron?
<__cwells__> the china supports the weight of the other boxes
<shiruken> fords: 2 boxes stacked
<shiruken> that's what it'd be called
<fords> shiruken: no, because stacking does not change the shape of the box
<shiruken> the shape of the box is never changed
<shiruken> the orientation of the box is
<shiruken> I made it gay
<shiruken> here's a simple exercise
<shiruken> get a box
<shiruken> position it so that a wall of the box
<shiruken> is facing you
<shiruken> flat
<shiruken> then move the box by 45 degrees to the right
<shiruken> so the pointy part is facing you directly
<shiruken> see, I don't change the shape of the box
<fords> now i bow sharply plunging that corner into my eyes?
<__cwells__> and to think people claim IRC is a waste of time

#177 + (-4) - [X]
< cwells> hm
< cwells> i wonder why i keep expecting bits of javascript i find
on the net to actually work
< cwells> sigh
< cwells> i'll never learn
< rlangis> eventually you will
< rlangis> some snippet will morph into a huge trojan, take over
your system, have sex with your girlfriend, drink all
your beer and ddos your ISP
< rlangis> then, only then, MAYBE you'll learn
< cwells> ah. so *that's* who did that
* rlangis wanders off to download some javascript snippets

#269 + (8) - [X]
< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl

#77 + (3) - [X]
< Weebs[zof]> I think it would be weird to mount a pregnant woman who is
married, that I've dated her sister

#310 + (-2) - [X]
cruiseoveride: have y'all watched that new bond movie
* hemp has not
cruiseoveride: dont bother
hemp: it's pretty much required viewing here
cruiseoveride: was an insult to Ian Fleming's work
hemp: All Bond movies must be watched - regardless
cruiseoveride: I was disgusted by it
hemp: are you sure you weren't .... shaken?
hemp: or were you ... stirred?
#349 + (-6) - [X]
< kronq_> Oh shit -- some has hijacked my baby
< kronq_> I need to scrape together $50k
< dgibbons> man, for 50k, you can just make another one
< pud> oh much cheaper
< dgibbons> 25k and i'll make you one
#108 + (17) - [X]
<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression

#314 + (-17) - [X]
<@Weebs> I have a ups here that I can't get to work on XP
<@VxD> the sine wave isn't XP compatible?

#58 + (-13) - [X]
< karrlii> i love condoms
< shiruken> if I play my cards right, I might use the whole box up before
< karrlii> i like using condoms even when i dont have to
< karrlii> i dont know why. they're just neat
< karrlii> i like japanese condoms that have cute things on them
< shiruken> even when you don't have to?
< VxD> hello kitty condoms
< shiruken> when is that?
< shiruken> like, oh honey, couldn't find a ziplock bag for your
sandwhich, I used a condom instead

#369 + (-17) - [X]
< stackcats> winblows
< stackcats> I just deleted my bosses thunderbird folders
< stackcats> whups
< stackcats> just think of the time you'll save not reading those e-mails
< stackcats> last time she comes over here for tech support
< stackcats> hire an IT guy fer godssake
#59 + (-11) - [X]
< wilko> It was sent to me by my wife
< wilko> My wife sends me gay porn at work!
< thumper^> She wants to be sure you're not in the mood when you get home.
< VxD> perhaps she's trying to help you get in touch with your inner self
< shiruken> thumper^: s/not//
< thumper^> he might be in the mood, but not for her. :)
#102 + (-2) - [X]
14:55 <lispy> VxD: i'm having a down week also, and so is sarah, so i
think we should declare this week of Feburary to be National Down
Week, or NDW.
14:55 <VxD> or national uppers week...
14:55 <lispy> VxD: uppers could be the mascot
14:56 <lispy> bunnies are taken, old bearded men are taken...fairies are
taken...Hm...How about the Uppers Ferret brings you presents
14:56 <VxD> "This week sponsored by the happy little blue pill"
14:57 <lispy> "Small, blue, happy."
14:57 <lispy> oh, and different
14:57 <shiruken> bounce me like a red rubber ball, daddy!
14:57 <VxD> we'll call it "Smurf Week"
14:57 <lispy> "Have you been smurfed this week?"
14:57 <shiruken> hell, I smurf myself 4 times a day
14:58 <VxD> sounds like rimming
14:58 <lispy> "Thanks, little blue pill, I'm having a smurf'n good week!"
14:58 <VxD> you're in there up to your nose, you try to say anything and
it comes out, "smurf"

#158 + (11) - [X]
[12:56] <Weebs> I'm trying to think of something to eat for lunch
[12:56] <Weebs> any ideas?
[12:56] <VxD> penis
[12:56] <VxD> sliced and fried in butter
[12:56] <Weebs> no thanks, I only have one here and I'm saving it for a special

#328 + (-7) - [X]
<@VxD> I wonder if a cockring could be considered "band" "width"
#37 + (-16) - [X]
<VxD> better yet, how about an online car sales site with pics of the car that
have people fucking on them
<linuxninja> YES!
<VxD> "Here is the interior, notice the high end CD/mp3 player next to Buffy's
<VxD> "you will also notice it is a stickshift, even if the shifter is
currently burried inside of Tina"
* linuxninja/#pdxlug almost loses his coffee
<VxD> "Around the rear of the car you can see Candy making full use of the
retractable power antenna"
<linuxninja> lol
<VxD> "And just below her you can see Mindy being assreamed by Bruno over the
<linuxninja> assreamed
<linuxninja> mmm...assreame
#81 + (0) - [X]
12:58 < Nihilist> I'm at 7 items on my to do list *fights to keep it below 10*
12:58 < shiruken> bah, I have like 40-50
12:58 < _vertex_> Nihilist: if it hits nits shutdown your boss(es) computers
12:58 < _vertex_> nine even
13:01 < Nihilist> yes sir!

*time passes...*

13:28 < Nihilist> gack! up to nine tasks!
13:28 * VxD shoots one of Nihilist's tasks in the foot
13:29 < Nihilist> hahah!
13:29 < Nihilist> take that task!
13:29 < Nihilist> damnit! that was my task of taking lunch!
13:29 < Nihilist> gack!
13:29 * Nihilist runs around trying to find something to stop the bleeding

#241 + (-14) - [X]
<@VxD> it's kinda stupid for me to be the only one submitting
<@shiruken> kinda like masturbation
<@Weebs> I've submitted some
<@Weebs> I won't submit my own quotes though....
<@VxD> and I'm sure a good many were approved
<@Weebs> so I have to rely on you people being funny
<@VxD> luckily we are pantloads full of funny
<@Weebs> which as we all know is like waiting for a nun to give you a
handjob during mass

#223 + (-8) - [X]
< geekinpink> I already get all the sex I want
< shiruken> yeah, but does your boyfriend?

#115 + (-20) - [X]
< karrlii> i don't even have to work
< karrlii> and yet i'm here putting up with his crap
< shiruken> I can put you to work
< karrlii> shiruken heh
< karrlii> oh yeah?
< karrlii> please do
< shiruken> yup
< shiruken> ok, first I would greet you at the door
< shiruken> I would be wearing a classy suit
< shiruken> that exudes power and confidence
< shiruken> your heart flutters
< karrlii> is there a dragon involved?
< karrlii> i want you to have a pet dragon
< shiruken> I lean close and say, "I need you to replace tape cl6799 with
cl6805 for a restore"
< karrlii> :/
< karrlii> tease
#330 + (6) - [X]
< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
#245 + (-9) - [X]
< Baloo> Yay, the intermittant packet loss stopped again.
< rlangis> oh.
* rlangis puts his DDOS cron script back in action.

#220 + (21) - [X]
<Nihilist> you suck more and more every day
<cwells> hm
<cwells> so does your server
<cwells> as i pull one piece off of it everytime you talk shit to me
<cwells> luckily for you most of the peices are small
<cwells> like this capacitor that just came off
<Nihilist> and uhm.. i put suger in your girlfriend and fucked your car!
<rlangis> stella is sweet and his car is already fucked. ;)
<rlangis> you're quick, Nihilist
<cellarstella> I got sugar in me!
#301 + (2) - [X]
< fords> i know the feeling
< fords> i know it like a junkie knows junk
< IamLordV1ldemort> bbut fords , I just want to kow _why_ you put it in your arm and shoot it up?!!?!
< IamLordV1ldemort> huh?
< IamLordV1ldemort> Were you raised that way???
< IamLordV1ldemort> NO!
< fords> ...yes, actually, i was.
< shiruken> my dad said, "Son, you're 16 now. Time to tie off daddy's arm"
< fords> hahaha
< shiruken> which was good
< shiruken> it got me off of spoon and lighter duty
#217 + (-3) - [X]
(16:01:50) virtualdev: I have a meeting starting right now
(16:01:55) bykguy: niiiice
(16:02:02) virtualdev: yeah, about my project plan
(16:02:14) bykguy: good times, have fun
(16:02:46) bykguy: step 1 of my project plan is to order a McMinnies Long Island Icet Tea
(16:06:05) bykguy: step two involves a coordinated effort between the sexy waitress, my hand, my mouth. It will involve the timely arrival of the desired product triggering my hand in to motion to accept the product and deliver it to my mouth for proper processing
(16:07:38) bykguy: major milestones of my project are arriving at McMinnies, ordering of the drink, and product intake... which is also the succesful completion point of the project
(16:08:10) bykguy: shortly there after a project report will be submitted to the urinal, and we'll be done.
#290 + (-10) - [X]
< cwells> noussquid, you gonna take me on a date in your new ride?
< noussquid> sure :)
< cwells> sweet
< cwells> should i wear heels?
< noussquid> yes
* cwells clops around clumsily, falls into noussquid's jeep and gets taken advantage of
< shiruken> cwells: that's how you get pregnant
#227 + (10) - [X]
< cwells> great
< cwells> we have ants in the kitchen
< cwells> i debated for a moment whether i should clean up, but opted
instead to stab one with a butcher knife
< cwells> that should discourage the rest of them
< rlangis> damned skippy

#246 + (-12) - [X]
cellarstella: [my cat] freaked me out today though...
cellarstella: he tried to lick my nipple
cellarstella: eeek!
HentaiJessOIT: hahaha
cygnus: cellarstella: reverse bestiality.
cellarstella: haha
cellarstella: my cat's a perv
cygnus: it's legal.
cygnus: if you consent.
cactus: did you rub peanut butter on it?
cellarstella: no
cactus: hmm.. cats are sensitive
cactus: must have sensed impending milk
cellarstella: yikes
cactus: o.O
HentaiJessOIT: Roses are red, violets are blue, in Soviet Russia, pussy eats YOU
#173 + (-20) - [X]
< forkmaster> I can't host my 4U with you for $32/mo
< cwells> true
< cwells> maybe 32 and a handjob
< forkmaster> ooo, tempting
< forkmaster> I'll bring my 10 year old for the second part
< cwells> god
< cwells> you are a sick bastard
< cwells> is she hot?

#139 + (-17) - [X]
<shiruken> everyone lies in a relationship
<shiruken> well, except me
<shiruken> which is probably why they were so short
<shiruken> "Do you love me?"
<shiruken> "No, I'm just in it for the sex"
<mastiff> Do these pants make me look fat?
<mastiff> you better lie
<shiruken> heh
<shiruken> I guess I do
<VxD> "Let me see it with them off again"
<mastiff> "It's not the pants"

#60 + (-8) - [X]
< pacopablo> anyone messed around with IPSEc and racoon?
< VxD> pacopablo: sorry, we were talking about sodemy, try again later
< pacopablo> VxD: ok, I'll rephrase the question: anyone messed around
with IPSex with racoons?
< VxD> pacopablo: I love when you talk dirty
< shiruken> pacopablo: dude, who hasn't?
< pacopablo> shiruken: guess I'm just not getting the hang of it :)
< shiruken> pacopablo: grease the raccoons up first
< shiruken> less packet loss
< pacopablo> I'll remember that :)
< Nihilist> less pecker loss?
< shiruken> also, don't drop your raccoon in the shower

#202 + (-5) - [X]
* thumper^ wonders what determains how fast or slow a torrent downloads
<@Weebs> depends
<@thumper^> No tanks, I'll just use the bathroom

#101 + (-18) - [X]
< Partcik> vxd, you running linux now?
< VxD> I'm running it in my pants!
< Partcik> omg, linux is all files!! there's no GUI!! omfg
< VxD> the one in my pants gets GUI sometimes...
< Partcik> is your pecker, the kernel?
< Partcik> nice mang
< VxD> right now I'm accessing: 4 linux systems, three HP-UX systems, one
w2k desktop and two w2k servers :-P
< Partcik> omfg
< Partcik> gi me gi me gi me!!
< VxD> that should keep you busy
< Partcik> ;p
< Partcik> it would certainly do that
< Partcik> yes sir
< _vertex_> and that's with his right hand
< VxD> my left actually, my right is busy...
< _vertex_> hmm I thought you were bi

#87 + (-1) - [X]
< grishnav> zipties are incredibly useful when handcuffs aren't available.
< shiruken> or cockrings
< grishnav> or cockrings
< VxD> zipties make good cockrings?
< shiruken> yeah, have the wife pull it tight right before you cum
< VxD> hotness
< shiruken> slight numbness may ensue

#159 + (-18) - [X]
<@Weebs> shaun I'll be there all alone
<@Weebs> will you be my date?
<@hemp> only if you wear a mini skirt
<@shiruken> it's a kilt
<@shiruken> and real scottish guys go commando to be ready
<@VxD> ...for the sheep

#374 + (-3) - [X]
< dgibbons> mmm
< dgibbons> man, the Five Guys burgers in westlinn, so tasty
< stackcats> I could eat five guys right now
< dgibbons> I was careful on how i articulated that statement :P
< VxD> boy those five guys are so popular anymore, everyone eating them
< VxD> there's one on Cedar Hills, haven't tried them yet
< thumper^> I have heard of them but never been
< thumper^> I hear their burgers are good.
< dgibbons> I really enjoy them
< dgibbons> so tasty
#281 + (-4) - [X]
<Baloo> Jeff's teaching himself how to wel.d
<Baloo> agilman and swoolley know who I'm talking about.
<lispy> shiruken: oh :(
* lispy teaching himself hydrokenesis
* lispy hurls a waterball at #orlug with only his mind
<lispy> *splash*
<jbooth> make: *** No rule to make target `umbrella'. Stop.
<VxD> oh my, and here I was wearing this white tshirt with no bra,
<shiruken> VxD: now I can't get that image out of my mind
<VxD> I know, I'm irrestible
<lispy> haha
<jbooth> rdfomh: password all wet

#381 + (-8) - [X]
Daehlie> they have to disable it for their performance benchmarks to hit those 400MB/s numbers
cwells> wtf
cwells> i'm trying to figure out how you are on IRC when you clearly don't even have internet
cwells> btrfs currently outperforms on all benchmarks except for database access
Daehlie> source?

#141 + (-11) - [X]
* shiruken is compiling
<lispy> compiling an anal bum cover?
<shiruken> yeah, I don't want a visit from the butt pirates aboard
SS Ahoy, Sailor
<shiruken> hrm, just got to gcc, this'll be a while
<lispy> gotta watch out for their swashbuckling swards

#50 + (-8) - [X]
< nate> the good thing about a mac mini is that it's really easy to throw
#98 + (-4) - [X]
20:27 <shiruken> bacon makes everything taste better
20:27 <shiruken> especially bacon
20:27 <vertex--> 6 degrees of bacon
20:41 <VxD> 7 degrees of bacon seperation
20:45 <shiruken> hot bacon injection
20:46 <VxD> I love the feeling of hot bacon under my skin!

#169 + (0) - [X]
< natedawg> my problem finding a job i think is that i'm too bad ass
< natedawg> and it freaks people out
< geekinpink> :-P
< VxD> yeah, and then they know you are bluffing on the questions and it
ruins that badass image
< geekinpink> do you sing, "I'm too sexy for this job, too sexy for this
< VxD> so sexy it hurts!
< shiruken> just say things like
< shiruken> If I wasn't here, you bitches wouldn't know how to do your
< shiruken> you pathetic wussies
< shiruken> then body slam the copier

#343 + (5) - [X]
NotoriousOIT: haha, i'm talking to some friends about how I had an HPV scare in college
NotoriousOIT: i had an abnormal pap, had to go in for a colposcopy and a cervical biopsy
NotoriousOIT: turned out negative, but it was still scary as hell trying to figure out where the fuck i could've picked up the cunt-plague
#309 + (4) - [X]
< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry
#270 + (-2) - [X]
< shiruken> only sysadmins can write good programs in scripting languages
#263 + (-4) - [X]
virtualdev: I'm about ready to call it quits for the day
virtualdev: I feel like poo and have been working since 6am
bykguy: me too
bykguy: yuck
bykguy: i taste like poo, i think i have you beat
virtualdevi: I'm feeling the poo that tastes like you!
bykguy: SWEET
virtualdev: poo fondling
bykguy: mmmm, so warm and squishy

#293 + (-1) - [X]
<Klostrophobik> No, I just have a very low tollerance for alchol
<WormRunner> sounds like my sister. sniffing the cork is good enough
<shiruken> I so did not read that as "sniffing the cork"

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