#ORLUG IRC Quote Database  Admin 
Random
Home / Latest / Browse / Random >0 / Top 150 / Bottom / Add Quote / QotW / Search / #
#155 + (-43) - [X]
06:12 < thumper^> linux is the festering shit that spoils the minds of today's geek youth

#183 + (-20) - [X]
<VxD> yes, hard to take a jackoff break in the company bathroom with a broken pinky...
<hemp> yikes
<VxD> oh c'mon, like you've never done that
<Weebs> nope sorry, you're alone in that one
<VxD> well I would have to have been huh
<Weebs> reach arounds are still jacking off...
<Weebs> a contractor doesn;t build his house... but he does build a house... catch my drift
#366 + (-14) - [X]
-!- Wraithan is now known as Wr__th_n
< NotoriousOIT> Wr__th_n: did you just have an involuntary vowel movement?
< Wr__th_n> NotoriousOIT: Sometimes vowel movements just happen, and you can't stop them =/
< NotoriousOIT> I hear that happens to lots of guys.
< Wr__th_n> NotoriousOIT: it was exlosive... i think my vowels were destroyed.
#272 + (-2) - [X]
<VxD> too bad Coke doesn't have cocaine in it anymore
<cwells> um\
<narzy> yeah, but to be fair, it was really a pain in the ass to distill out the coke from coke...
<VxD> you didn't have to, just buy that 6 pack a day, suddenly all the chores in your house are done
<cwells> it was a real pain in the ass to smuggle cases of Coca Cola from south america wrapped in balloons up your ass
<cwells> that's what really stopped it
<cwells> the truckers union
<VxD> I don't think Coke has had coca in it since the 40's though
<cwells> it was also the beginning the the gay trucker
<VxD> a whole truckload up your ass?
<cwells> (this is VxD's favorite story)
<narzy> oh my gawd
<VxD> or just an 18 squealer
<cwells> haha
#87 + (-1) - [X]
< grishnav> zipties are incredibly useful when handcuffs aren't available.
< shiruken> or cockrings
< grishnav> or cockrings
< VxD> zipties make good cockrings?
< shiruken> yeah, have the wife pull it tight right before you cum
< VxD> hotness
< shiruken> slight numbness may ensue

#20 + (6) - [X]
<VxD> would you could you with a whore, would you could you against the door?
<VxD> you know, dirty Dr. Seuss just seems to come naturally
<rlangis> I would do it with a whore, I would bang her up against the door
<rlangis> I would bang her all night long, I would bang her in a throng
#333 + (3) - [X]
<@shiruken> well, look at Ben and I
<@shiruken> that's what you're headed for if you get married
<@shiruken> 3 kids and tricking 20 year olds into giving you their trash for no money
<@Nihilist> i hate you
#334 + (-8) - [X]
Slunkj> I hate how people figured out how to use texts and transitions in Microsoft Movie Maker and decide to dub themselves Producers and use the text assuming we care what they think about ah, periods

Nihilist > i have no idea wtf you're talking about, you're on your period?
#173 + (-20) - [X]
< forkmaster> I can't host my 4U with you for $32/mo
< cwells> true
< cwells> maybe 32 and a handjob
< forkmaster> ooo, tempting
< forkmaster> I'll bring my 10 year old for the second part
< cwells> god
< cwells> you are a sick bastard
< cwells> is she hot?

#374 + (-2) - [X]
< dgibbons> mmm
< dgibbons> man, the Five Guys burgers in westlinn, so tasty
< stackcats> I could eat five guys right now
< dgibbons> I was careful on how i articulated that statement :P
< VxD> boy those five guys are so popular anymore, everyone eating them
< VxD> there's one on Cedar Hills, haven't tried them yet
< thumper^> I have heard of them but never been
< thumper^> I hear their burgers are good.
< dgibbons> I really enjoy them
< dgibbons> so tasty
#280 + (-3) - [X]
<cactus> holy crap. that was weird..
<rlangis> you ain't kiddin
<cactus> I did a grep on a mounted cdrom..and lost my keyboard
<cactus> Then my mouse got sucked up..
<cactus> I had to plug in a usb drive..to get gnome to pop up a
window..
<cactus> and then my mouse came back..
<cactus> and I could close my terminal..
<cactus> then my keyboard came back..
<cactus> wtf!? o.O

#317 + (-12) - [X]
< Teknotus> Some mail arrived for you.
< Teknotus> It came from Texas.
< Teknotus> It feels like a birthday card, or something.
< Dgibbons> Weird!??! from who?
< Teknotus> Doesn't say
< Teknotus> the envelope has a pretty Hawaiian floral print.
< Teknotus> It doesn't have a postmark over the stamp
< Dgibbons> Can you breath in deeply near it and tell me if it smells like anthrax?

#395 + (-1) - [X]
<@hemp> S*N*O*W
<@Weebs> i'm jealous :( someone send me a picture of what it looks like
< VxD> it looks white and sparkly
< VxD> * . *
< VxD> . _\/ \/_ .
< VxD> \ \ / /
< VxD> .. .. -==>: X :<==-
< VxD> '\ /' / _/ \_ \
< VxD> \\// ' /\ /\ '
< VxD> _. __\\\///__._ * ' *
< VxD> ' ///\\\ '
< VxD> //\\
< VxD> ./ \.
< VxD> '' ''
< VxD> there, took you a picture
<@Weebs> some days I hate you
#177 + (-4) - [X]
< cwells> hm
< cwells> i wonder why i keep expecting bits of javascript i find
on the net to actually work
< cwells> sigh
< cwells> i'll never learn
< rlangis> eventually you will
< rlangis> some snippet will morph into a huge trojan, take over
your system, have sex with your girlfriend, drink all
your beer and ddos your ISP
< rlangis> then, only then, MAYBE you'll learn
< cwells> ah. so *that's* who did that
* rlangis wanders off to download some javascript snippets

#40 + (-13) - [X]
<VxD> linuxninja: so did nihilist convince you to work on his pr0n site?
<linuxninja> it remains to be seen VxD
<VxD> 8ball will linuxninja work on the pr0n site?
* GiR shakes the psychic purple sphere...
<GiR> It says 'In your dreams,' VxD
<VxD> hahaha
<shiruken> lol
#289 + (-46) - [X]
16:02 < cwells> anyone in a police chase that isn't on a motorcycle isn't going to fair well
16:02 < cwells> although that one guy in the tank looked promising
16:03 < cwells> he at least made an impressino
16:03 < cwells> which is like, a small impression
16:04 < cwells> he seemed angry
16:04 < cwells> he tried to knock down an overpass by ramming the pillar
16:04 < cwells> although, i think it's safe to assume that if you hijack a tank and start running over cars you are probably angry about something
16:05 < shiruken> he was high on life
16:05 < cwells> or maybe he was just compensating for other... "shortcomings"
#357 + (-5) - [X]
< fords> i once had a drunk makeout with my mom.
< fords> err, *your mom
#11 + (4) - [X]
<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.
#28 + (-18) - [X]
<VxD> I was just reaching for the bottle of warmed lotion that I keep on top
of my monitor when...I realized I was at work...
#94 + (8) - [X]
< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer

#274 + (21) - [X]
20:40 -!- vertex- [n=vertex@69-9-146-48.dsl.mind.net] has joined #orlug
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> OH THANK GOD
20:40 < vertex-> np
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> he did find it and brought it inside
20:40 < vertex-> sorry I'm late
20:40 < cactus> :)
20:40 < cactus> that's what she said..
20:40 < cactus> oh wait..
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> hahahahaha

#164 + (0) - [X]
<Weebs> "I can't give you my heart... here are my ears"
<hemp> "forget the ears... give me head"
#266 + (-8) - [X]
< tacodog> it's free vasectomy day here at planet argon
< tacodog> i got a message on my machine last night. wrong number (I hope) from some doctor's office confirming my vasectomy appointment today
#230 + (-13) - [X]
<karrlii> i want to tell you guys a dream i've been having
<karrlii> so you can tell me what's wrong with me
<karrlii> i keep dreaming that my mother is trying on different sized penises on her head, like they're detachable
<karrlii> the other night the penis also came with a pulsating asshole
<karrlii> it was distrubring
<geekinpink> NO KIDDING
<karrlii> disturbing
.....
<geekinpink> do you have a good relationship with your mother?
.....
<karrlii> geekinpink yeah better now than what it used to be
<VxD> are you worried that you never got to try out all the penises you wanted and now you are stuck with only one?
<karrlii> VxD well i'm not stuck
<geekinpink> Sounds like you're calling her a penis-head
<karrlii> i can keep trying them out
.....
<geekinpink> karrlii: you can keep trying them out?
#85 + (10) - [X]
< Nihilist> I had dreams about you less week shiruken do you have a crush
on me?
< shiruken> Nihilist: no
< Nihilist> oh.
< Nihilist> oh well.
< shiruken> look, it's not you, it me
< shiruken> honest
< Nihilist> yeah.. right.
< shiruken> it's that.. well.. you know.. I'm currently married
< shiruken> and my wife gives me what you can't
< Nihilist> that didn't stop you last week when you... did those things..
< Nihilist> she can't please you like i can!!!!
< shiruken> that's true
< shiruken> she does a good job
< shiruken> you don't
< thumper^> THINGS HE DOOO?
< shiruken> sorry it had to end this way
< shiruken> but..
< shiruken> it's over
< Nihilist> NOO
* Nihilist cries
< Nihilist> but but shiruken
< Nihilist> I love you!
< shiruken> also, pressure of getting married puts wierd strains on people
< shiruken> you start thinking, did I have sex with everyone I wanted to?
< shiruken> did I want to have a messy 50 guy gang bang first?

#222 + (18) - [X]
[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???

#218 + (4) - [X]
< Drown> rendevouz
< xinu> rendezvous
< xinu> i have no idea why i know how to spell that word
< lispy> renderbooze
< xinu> i think i used it in a love letter to some chick in junior high
and wanted to make sure i spelled it right
< lispy> man, that gives me an idea...
< xinu> lispy: you're going to write a love letter to some chick?
< lispy> xinu: haha
< lispy> no, i should write an program to show off my l33t skillz that
just 3d renders types of alcohol
< lispy> called it renderbooze
< xinu> haha, that's awesome
< lispy> er call not called
< lispy> heh, Renderbooze: Absolute 3D

#299 + (-2) - [X]
sab> ok, after reading your ideas, I'll vouch for being a sissy...
* sab aint bunny hopping no magna any time soon
VxD> I'd totally pay to see that
sab> I didn't say HUMPING dude...HOPPING
sab> jeeze
VxD> man, what kind of perv do you take me for?
hemp> auto-erotic, apparently
#397 + (-6) - [X]
<Zolotkey> I wonder if windows people try to show their expenses by stating they prefer Pro over Ultimate or 95 vs 98, etc..
<Zolotkey> *e-Penis's
VxD> haha, that would be amazing
<VxD> "Yeah, well I built it myself from scratch, this Windows ME machine. Most people don't like this distro but I like showing my e-peen that I can make it do anything that their fancy Windows 7 can..."
<VxD> "Had to compile my drivers from scratch in C# since no one makes drivers for Win ME. Runs so much faster than pre-compiled packages..."
<marx> hahahahah, dying
<VxD> "I'm still running Windows 3.11, if it was good enough for my dad, it's good enough for me. Had to hack up a way to make it dial to my other computer over serial to get internet access but it works great now."
#30 + (9) - [X]
<Weebs> I can't remembermy router pw
<VxD> let me see if I can hack it
-:- SignOff Weebs: #sportbikesnw (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<VxD> HAHAHAHAHAHA
#174 + (-16) - [X]
<kraptv> cac tus.
* rlangis watches kraptv pick a random word out of the air and drop it on the channel

#267 + (-10) - [X]
< noussquid> i had a guy who is now my husband do the nerdiest thing to my boob ever
< menion> Uh oh
< noussquid> he pressed on my nipple and said engage

#331 + (-2) - [X]
< cwells> at least now we know why the chicken crossed the road
< fords> to stay the fuck (literally) away from you?
< cwells> to be in tentacle porn!
#10 + (-13) - [X]
12:40 < Nihilist> "Gertrude Walton, a deceased eighty-three-year-old woman, was named as the only defendant in a federal lawsuit filed by a group of record
companies. They claimed Walton made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name 'smittenedkitten.' Needless to say, the suit has since been dropped."
12:42 < shiruken> hrm, those dead pirates
12:42 < shiruken> it's like the Black Pearl!
12:43 < fords> haha
12:46 < Nihilist> lol
12:47 < Nihilist> Will gertrude Walton come to the stand? *a rotting corpse rises and hobbles up to the chair*
12:48 < shiruken> Gertrude, is it true that you shared 700 songs, amongst them, 2 live crew's "Me So Horny" and "Bitches and Pimps" ?
13:10 < Nihilist> her jaw falls off.
13:21 < lispy> nice
13:26 < fords> she's dead, she's not a leper.
13:27 < fords> it'd be more like "a rat crawls out of her mouth"
#305 + (2) - [X]
<baloo> http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/8f1a/?cpg=48H
I might have to get one of these.
<baloo> I keep sleeping through my alarm clock
<CryptoMole> cool clock
<baloo> Yeah.
<kraptv> hi clock lover
<CryptoMole> wow cool geek toys here
<NotoriousOIT> mmmm....vibrating alarm cock....
<baloo> I like how my alarm clock gets progressively louder, but the tone sucks so I usually put it on the radio, and I like how I can adjust the snooze time, but the problem is it still gives up after 3 tries.
<NotoriousOIT> *CLOCK*
<NotoriousOIT> I MEANT CLOCK GODDAMNIT

#353 + (13) - [X]
< vtpark> I am watching some sort of fetish tv show on Virgin 1.
< VxD> mmm, virgin fetishes!
< vtpark> they are on dungeon fetishes right now
< vtpark> I kind of tolerate commercials more because I don't feel like a
target demographic anymore.
< VxD> after the sex change your whole buying pattern doesn't fit in the
box huh?
#43 + (-4) - [X]
<karrlii> i am having such girl drama
<karrlii> this is what i get for refusing to believe that girls can get along
with other girls
<karrlii> :(
<VxD> I get along with girls fine
<karrlii> yeah because you have a penis and they want to do you
#128 + (-2) - [X]
<+ orbgasm> have you seen the baby jesus buttplug at
http://www.divine-interventions.com
<+ rlangis> baby jesus makes anal virgins cry

#316 + (-11) - [X]
< absolutejoe> I really enjoy filling out employment questionaires ...
< VxD> you should have it down to a science by now
< absolutejoe> I like questions like this:
< absolutejoe> Experience deploying IT, networking and voice
< VxD> I bought some IT at BestBuy once, but it didn't work out, they
wouldn't let me return it either
< VxD> NEXT QUESTION!
< absolutejoe> I deploy my voice over the network all the time ... and IT
usually works fine.
< VxD> I often deploy voice over cat3 whenever I answer the phone
< absolutejoe> I usually deply my voice OTA
< absolutejoe> deploy even
< VxD> wow, wireless technology!

#381 + (-10) - [X]
Daehlie> they have to disable it for their performance benchmarks to hit those 400MB/s numbers
cwells> wtf
cwells> i'm trying to figure out how you are on IRC when you clearly don't even have internet
cwells> btrfs currently outperforms on all benchmarks except for database access
Daehlie> source?

#328 + (-5) - [X]
<@VxD> I wonder if a cockring could be considered "band" "width"
#171 + (25) - [X]
< cactus> vaginas dont like irc
< geekinpink> mine doesn't seem to mind
< cactus> well, you are sitting on it..what is it going to say?
< cactus> >_<
< geekinpink> murphle...weralkdfj...

#50 + (-8) - [X]
< nate> the good thing about a mac mini is that it's really easy to throw
#23 + (-10) - [X]
<wilco> I like Latin
<karrlii> me too.
<karrlii> you know what i also like?
<karrlii> legendary pink dots
<karrlii> they just came on my ipod
<karrlii> they were in portland recently. i went and saw them. it was awesome.
<karrlii> i feel very clipped today.
<nihilist> i like latin too..
<nihilist>
./porn/Hot.Ass.Latinas.CD1.XXX.DVDRip.XviD-Pr0nStarS.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist>
./porn/Hot.Ass.Latinas.CD2.XXX.DVDRip.XviD-Pr0nStarS.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist> ./porn/Redhead with latino guy.mpg
<nihilist> ./porn/Young.Tight.Latinas.5.by.Salseros.CD1.XviD.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist> see!
#202 + (-3) - [X]
* thumper^ wonders what determains how fast or slow a torrent downloads
<@Weebs> depends
<@thumper^> No tanks, I'll just use the bathroom

#214 + (9) - [X]
19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture
#255 + (6) - [X]
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG FUNNIEST LETTER TO THE EDITOR EVAAR
<HentaiJessOIT> If the universe was created by intelligent design, then why did the designer create so many dumb people?
<HentaiJessOIT>
<HentaiJessOIT> BILL SNOUFFER, Southwest Portland
#339 + (14) - [X]
<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha
#302 + (-1) - [X]
* lispy is hoping his internet potential gf will login to AIM
< Kool-Aid> e-galfriend!
< lispy> yeah
< lispy> she e-seduced me!
< lispy> and i want to e-jaculate all over her picture

#111 + (7) - [X]
< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?
Home / Latest / Browse / Random >0 / Top 150 / Bottom / Add Quote / QotW / Search / #
There are currently 359 approved quotes and 561 pending moderation
Rash Version: 1.2.1-release