[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???

<@Weebs> for the past 2-3 years I've been getting emails from a golfball company
<@Weebs> today's topic was "Personalizing your balls: How to make them yours, how to make them know their yours in a group"
<@Weebs> I greatly enjoyed the laugh I got out of it

<Weebs> I can't remembermy router pw
<VxD> let me see if I can hack it
-:- SignOff Weebs: #sportbikesnw (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
<VxD> HAHAHAHAHAHA

< [i]con> I asked a customer to get by his main CPU and reseat the
network cable, and he said to me "Wow Tyler, I didn't know
you'd have me getting on my knees so early in the morning."
< [i]con> Needless to say, I had to quickly put him on mute to hide the
laugh.

<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.

<Baloo> LinuxWorld started with a fire drill today.
<Baloo> The Unisys booth had a server catch fire an hour into the convention
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG
<HentaiJessOIT> freaky
<HentaiJessOIT> i gotta shut a few computers down
<Baloo> Kayfox said "Heh, typical unisys"
<Angel_Bear> I thought Linux was the OS that was supposed to Not Suck.
<Baloo> Hey now.
<Baloo> The software was willing, but the hardware was weak and flammable.

<livinded>Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay = G4TV
[06:09:00 pm] - --livinded has left the chat (Kicked by G4|CyBot. Reason: SSSSSPAM. Don't you think writing "A" once or twice would be enough? You wrote 105 of them!!! When you come back, don't spam. Ok, thanks, bye.).
[06:09:06 pm] - --FifthDream sets mode +b *!*@66.75.91.108 on #g4tv
[06:09:15 pm] <baloo>Fifthdream hits another one out of the park.
[06:09:40 pm] <shadow-fox> into deep center field

< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry

< karrlii> i have bad hair
< karrlii> i need to get it cut
< lispy> too bad penises don't work like that
< lispy> "My penis is too short, I better let it grow out"
< karrlii> haha
< karrlii> i don't like big penises they hurt
< lispy> as ken always says, "Is 11" big? I don't really know...I
haven't seen very many penises"

< ferris> most people here are from where Portland, Eugene and Corvalis?
< grishnav> yes, and most people here also use black backgrounds, making
your blue text fucking impossible to see
< shiruken> and Beaverton
< ferris> lol how could i forget
< grishnav> is there lots of beaver in beaverton?
< grishnav> ferris: some people do it by not remembering
< grishnav> others are just ignorant

< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?

< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?

< VxD> yeah, I used BitchX for years, until someone finally convinced me to switch to irssi
< Wraithan> VxD: try weechat
< Wraithan> it is nice :D
< VxD> does it give me a big e-penis?
< Wraithan> yeah
< VxD> woot! 8========================D
< Wraithan> increase by at least 50%!

< geekinpink> If a job keeps me too busy to interview then I don't want it

NotoriousOIT: haha, i'm talking to some friends about how I had an HPV scare in college
NotoriousOIT: i had an abnormal pap, had to go in for a colposcopy and a cervical biopsy
NotoriousOIT: turned out negative, but it was still scary as hell trying to figure out where the fuck i could've picked up the cunt-plague

< baloo> I hope the punishment for whoever came up with Burger King's
current ads is eternity in hell being force fed Bacon Chedder
Ranch burgers while listening to that damn jingle.
< VxD> and to your ribs they're stickin'...
< shiruken> the girls are hot on that ad
< VxD> they don't look as good on the radio
< baloo> shiruken: The girls are hot on that ad, but I've discovered that
some of the girls driving trucks into Troutdale are also pretty
hot.
< shiruken> hrm, never would've thought that
< baloo> Another thing I noticed: If it's a woman driving the truck, it
could be a sewage truck with shit running down the sides and a
slightly less anorexic Britney Spears will be driving it. Brand
new 65 foot Freightliner with a sleeper larger than the studio I
had downtown? The Queen of Sea Cows will be driving it.
< shiruken> I'm having a hard time believing this
< baloo> OK, do you have any weekdays off?
< shiruken> to go scope out truck stops?
< shiruken> hrm, let me check my calendar

<@Weebs> effing hell man if you're going to post a pic of yourself with a
naked chick at least make sure it's a good pic of a naked chick
<@hemp> exactly
<@VxD> totally
<@sab_> you pimp what you got, and thats as close as he got
<@VxD> some crazy Ashland Marti Gras
<@Weebs> seriously, my penis is trying to go inside my body now... canine style
<@VxD> ...
<@Weebs> it's like a tube of lipstick :*(

*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
connection
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead

<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha

20:40 -!- vertex- [n=vertex@69-9-146-48.dsl.mind.net] has joined #orlug
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> OH THANK GOD
20:40 < vertex-> np
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> he did find it and brought it inside
20:40 < vertex-> sorry I'm late
20:40 < cactus> :)
20:40 < cactus> that's what she said..
20:40 < cactus> oh wait..
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> hahahahaha

15:11 < _vertex_> in the same way that oral surgery is legend
15:11 < shiruken> I like oral
15:12 * lispy nods at shiruken
15:13 < lispy> any guy that says he doesn't like oral is just trying to get laid ;)
15:13 < _vertex_> hehehe
15:13 < shiruken> hrm, never knew that liking oral was an inhibitor to getting nookie
15:14 < shiruken> though I wonder how many guys turn down a blowjob
15:14 < shiruken> "Want a blowjob?"
15:14 < shiruken> "Nah, I'm ok"
15:14 < matchboy> it's like passing up a bong hit
15:14 < shiruken> totally
15:14 < shiruken> it just doesn't happen
15:14 < matchboy> "Nah, that's cool... maybe next time."
15:15 < shiruken> I give the same response to both
15:15 < shiruken> "Just don't tell my wife"

< the-wes> is there a way I can tell if I'm inside of Screen from the command line?
< Wraithan> the-wes: echo $TERM
< marxu> what Wraithan said ^
< cjdaniel> What marxu said ^
< Rev_Slid3r> yup ^
< marxu> we are a conga line of RIGHT

[Weebs] so I hung out with my girlfriends friends on saturday night... it was odd. They all were vegan (my gf isn't) and I walked in with a bag of KFC food.
[Weebs] 2 of the 3 friends had been protesting a KFC that morning.
[Weebs] kinda awkward
[Weebs] after about 20 minutes of being scolded about eatting the death birds of american society they finally stopped
[Weebs] I was feeling kinda bad about the whole thing. They believe so strongly in animal rights and crap
[Weebs] so anyways we played monopoly for a while then they all started to leave.
[Weebs] Katie and I walked them out to their cars.
[Weebs] as sara (super vegan deluxe) opened her door I noticed something about her car
[Weebs] it had leather seats!
[@ thumper^] HAH!
[@ VxD] bwwwhahahahahaha
[Weebs] I was so ready to fly off the damn handle at her
[@ thumper^] JOO BE BUSTED, BIOTCH!
[Weebs] sara just got a job with PETA in georgia
[Weebs] so basically, she harassed people who were going to KFC for food in the morning, harassed me in the evening, then rode home on the lushious assmeat of a baby cow.

<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <shiruken> like, you don't pick up the name, 'Bukkake Bill'
by shining shoes
<lispy> %random * bukkake
<Hera> <HentaiJessOIT> Bukkake: when a mommy and a daddy and a
daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy and a daddy get together
so they can give mommy a special facial moisturizing treatment.

<HentaiJessOIT> OMG FUNNIEST LETTER TO THE EDITOR EVAAR
<HentaiJessOIT> If the universe was created by intelligent design, then why did the designer create so many dumb people?
<HentaiJessOIT>
<HentaiJessOIT> BILL SNOUFFER, Southwest Portland

<cactus> fur is not the suit! skin is the suit!
<Baloo> cactus: Soylent Men's Warehouse?
<cactus> its made out of people..but you will like the way you look, I gaurantee
<lispy`> it puts the lotion on its fur or it gets the hose again

<@Weebs> I have a trailer you can use
<@Weebs> and your girlfriend has a truck
<@Weebs> you're set
<@dgibbons> my gf doesn't have a truck
<@hemp> what Weebs meant was, he will use your girlfriend while your gone
<@VxD> well, Weebs has a truck, sounds like a fair rental trade

19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture

< slid3r> hehe when we saw that commercial on tv .. my gf was like 'thats dumb' but I could totaly relate
< slid3r> it is a weird feeling
< slid3r> altho my car was never stolen, other stuff was
< shiruken> like your virginity
< slid3r> *sobb* I was only 28 when it happened
< slid3r> (so not ready)
< shiruken> the beard tickled the back of your neck?
< slid3r> yes, I begged helga to shave, but being european .. she refused
< shiruken> damn euros
< slid3r> word
< shiruken> and her armpit beard
< slid3r> surprisingly clean smelling tho
< slid3r> which is odd for a woman of 300 pounds

<VxD> you totally need that
<VxD> I really want to see it shift w/o a clutch :)
<pr0kfried> ok can i have $1200
<VxD> heh, I don't have any money
<VxD> but I hear that you can steal Nihilist's car
<pr0kfried> oh k
<VxD> since he refuses to register cars in his own name when he buys them
<pr0kfried> nice
<Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
<Nihilist> hey you said if i didn't tell anyone that you masterbate in your
wifes panties while watching your dogs do each other you wouldn't
tell anyone ab out the registration thing
<VxD> ...I only have one dog :)
<Nihilist> then what what it doing? you sick fucker!
<GiR> Must obey the taco man!
<pr0kfried> what what
<Nihilist> what/was
<pr0kfried> what was it
<pr0kfried> i'll take bad comebacks for $400 alex

< Daehlie> the corporate world is like a knife fight, you muscle out some
turf without gettings hurt too bad, and then you protect it with your life

* cwells does the robot
* cwells switches up and does the "penis propeller"
* shiruken comes back from his meeting
<cwells> i knew that would bring you back

<agilman> Im bidding on a dish network card reader
<agilman> so I will be able to get all channels for free like I used to
<shiruken> because you like to get sued?
<agilman> sued by whom?
<shiruken> dish or directv
<agilman> Im stealing from dish
<agilman> they need a warrant to check my house
<agilman> having a sattelite on your roof isn't proof alone
<shiruken> nah, the card reader is
<shiruken> it's proof enough
<agilman> you're such a pussy
<agilman> do you never park in handicap parking either?
<shiruken> only when I was driving the handicap van
<shiruken> go ahead, I know people who got sued :)
<agilman> or how about tasting stuff at winco?
*shiruken shrugs
<shiruken> go ahead
<Baloo> agilman: You park in handicapped spaces?
<agilman> I am, I hope I win the bidding
<agilman> Baloo: sometimes
<agilman> done that like 3 times
<Baloo> agilman: So... your handicap... is it mental?

23:27 <largos> hm... I'm a bit curious where those messages are.
23:27 <lispy> they will come through
23:28 <lispy> i did a cvs something or another the other day and it took
like 20-30 for it to show up in my inbox
23:28 <largos> yeah, like a herd of turtles stampeeding through
molassas...
23:28 <lispy> ah, they're so cute!
23:28 <lispy> GiR: look!
23:28 <GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
23:28 <lispy> {}: dances with turtles
23:28 <{}> lispy: I want something that turns mere turtles into four
foot tall ninjas or something.

<robbyonrails> i bought a Teen Beat magazine
<robbyonrails> cut the eyes out it
<robbyonrails> off tons of girls
<cwells> this is my favorite show
<robbyonrails> and such
<robbyonrails> and pasted pages together
<robbyonrails> ripped off feet on some of them
<robbyonrails> and then left it in the mens bathroom

< thumper^> VxD ruied me for other inter office gay lovers
< shiruken> inter-office gay loving
< shiruken> do they put the name of the next person on your back and drop
you off at the front desk?

[12:56] <Weebs> I'm trying to think of something to eat for lunch
[12:56] <Weebs> any ideas?
[12:56] <VxD> penis
[12:56] <VxD> sliced and fried in butter
[12:56] <Weebs> no thanks, I only have one here and I'm saving it for a special
occasion

< Baloo> I might be going to Vegas in August with my girlfriend
< geekinpink> for a few days
< geekinpink> Baloo, are you guys getting hitched up?
< Baloo> geekinpink: I wasn't planning on it
< cactus> if you are drunk and elvis shows up..
< cactus> shit might go down

< geekinpink> well, I'm going to spend the night at my boyfriend's house
< geekinpink> ta-ta
< nate> slu
< cactus> hot monkey sex!
< VxD> wait, don't leave yet, my wife isn't gone!

< VxD> yeah, goddamn mysql
< VxD> it makes Access look good

<@Weebs> I would really enjoy being at home right now
<@VxD> jack off hour?

< fords> this week blows
< IamLordV1ldemort> fords: But does it swallow?
< fords> IamLordV1ldemort: only if you let it put it in your behind

< keithgodat> well i pray but... unless your christian your gonna think
im insane ;-)
< robbyonrails> yeah, i think most prayers are insane
< keithgodat> well then your gonna think this is even more insane
< keithgodat> I speak in tounges, tremble when im in Gods presence, and
ive been slain in the spirit alot :D
< VxD> what level of Doom was that?

<matchboy> hurt me.
<VxD> you heard us talking about gay man spanking earlier didn't
you...

< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?

< fords> i 'unno, i'm not hip to this level of piracy. first time i've done it. i'm a pirate virgin.
< the-wes> we're not copying VHS here
< the-wes> this is digital data
< the-wes> the 1s and 0s don't magically disappear when you upload

< cwells:#orlug> i like to sit at home and count my balls, over and over

<cwells> oh well, i just washed my hair.. oh well i think they're closed.. oh well i'd have to take this BIG DICK OUT OF MY AS

<@Weebs> it always makes me nervous when VxD isn't actively talking...
I'm scared that he's finally snapped and has done something that
would warrent his arrest :(

<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>DAMMIT!
<thumper^>heh
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression