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#375 + (1) - [X]
< teknotus> Also donuts.
< teknotus> But if no one is comming I'll take them with me when I leave.
< teknotus> I just sneezed with a mouthfull of coffee. I'm guessing no one else will want donuts now.
#167 + (25) - [X]
< wilco> My wife returns today! Yay!
< VxD> the IRS is giving you a refund?
< wilco> Two weeks of abstinence^Wabsence is hard to bear!
< wilco> Haha
< VxD> "I'm sorry sir, when we asked if you wanted to file your wife
jointly we didn't intend you to mail her with your forms."

#252 + (18) - [X]
<kth5> Don't argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. :)
#80 + (14) - [X]
< shiruken> you don't label the masturbation door
< shiruken> you mark it
< shiruken> if you catch my drift

#179 + (18) - [X]
<rlangis> fuck the girl scouts!
<rlangis> er...
<geekinpink> lol
<forkmaster> I could, but I think I would get in trouble
<geekinpink> isn't that their new moto?
<dooder> if it's not, it should be
<rlangis> no, that's the boy scout's new motto
<geekinpink> fuck the girl scouts...buy a cookie
<dooder> they can start selling cherries

#303 + (6) - [X]
< em0ry> the guy, i called him teh Kool-Aid Man
< em0ry> So i'm in the shower one summer morning with teh widnows open in
teh bathroom
< em0ry> and i hear them rustling upstairs
< em0ry> and i hear her half-hearted groans
< em0ry> and him yelling:
< em0ry> hense, Kool-Aid Man

#105 + (15) - [X]
<vertex--> if i ever can name a mountain, i will call it "Samba"
<vertex--> Mount Samba
#224 + (22) - [X]
<cactus> fur is not the suit! skin is the suit!
<Baloo> cactus: Soylent Men's Warehouse?
<cactus> its made out of people..but you will like the way you look, I gaurantee
<lispy`> it puts the lotion on its fur or it gets the hose again

#391 + (2) - [X]
< fords> i 'unno, i'm not hip to this level of piracy. first time i've done it. i'm a pirate virgin.
< the-wes> we're not copying VHS here
< the-wes> this is digital data
< the-wes> the 1s and 0s don't magically disappear when you upload
#277 + (7) - [X]
<Baloo> LinuxWorld started with a fire drill today.
<Baloo> The Unisys booth had a server catch fire an hour into the convention
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG
<HentaiJessOIT> freaky
<HentaiJessOIT> i gotta shut a few computers down
<Baloo> Kayfox said "Heh, typical unisys"
<Angel_Bear> I thought Linux was the OS that was supposed to Not Suck.
<Baloo> Hey now.
<Baloo> The software was willing, but the hardware was weak and flammable.

#228 + (2) - [X]
< lispy> everyone has had more sex than me!
< shiruken> duh
< shiruken> of course
< shiruken> hell, my first time, I bet I had more sex than you

#196 + (2) - [X]
<inertia> Happy Flag Day!!!! :)
<VxD> Happy Fag Day?
<iNERG> It's flag day?
<Weebs> FLAG DAY!!!!
<iNERG> Huh.. it really is flag day.
<iNERG> I just looked on my calendar.
<iNERG> Almost makes me want to go out and find a flag with a big penis on it and hang it up.
<Weebs> YOU unpatriotic buttmunch, how can you not know it's flagday
* inertia looks around for her vagina flag...
<Weebs> google big penis flag
<Weebs> "did you mean big penis fag?"
<iNERG> rofl
<iNERG> That's classic.
#343 + (1) - [X]
NotoriousOIT: haha, i'm talking to some friends about how I had an HPV scare in college
NotoriousOIT: i had an abnormal pap, had to go in for a colposcopy and a cervical biopsy
NotoriousOIT: turned out negative, but it was still scary as hell trying to figure out where the fuck i could've picked up the cunt-plague
#221 + (21) - [X]
hemp: is google down?
VxD: like weebs on your sister
#44 + (12) - [X]
<VxD> hehe, emails are so much fun when people leave out words
<VxD> an example of one I got during the night, where the word "restore" was
left out: "Hello DBAs,
<VxD> Can you please the database in production."
<thumper^> heh
<thumper^> pet it nicely, and say nice things in it's ear.
#353 + (13) - [X]
< vtpark> I am watching some sort of fetish tv show on Virgin 1.
< VxD> mmm, virgin fetishes!
< vtpark> they are on dungeon fetishes right now
< vtpark> I kind of tolerate commercials more because I don't feel like a
target demographic anymore.
< VxD> after the sex change your whole buying pattern doesn't fit in the
box huh?
#210 + (18) - [X]
<cellarstella> I'm trying to think of someway that a blowjob is like knitting, but I really can't think of anything
<Miichael> lol
<cellarstella> guess you're SOL, cwells
<thumper^> Requires skill and a gentle touch?
<cellarstella> not really
<thumper^> Well I guess you're not sucking me off then.
#126 + (18) - [X]
<livinded>Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay = G4TV
[06:09:00 pm] - --livinded has left the chat (Kicked by G4|CyBot. Reason: SSSSSPAM. Don't you think writing "A" once or twice would be enough? You wrote 105 of them!!! When you come back, don't spam. Ok, thanks, bye.).
[06:09:06 pm] - --FifthDream sets mode +b *!*@ on #g4tv
[06:09:15 pm] <baloo>Fifthdream hits another one out of the park.
[06:09:40 pm] <shadow-fox> into deep center field

#339 + (11) - [X]
<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha
#82 + (9) - [X]
< pr0kfried> chicks with tatoos always look trashy to me
< shiruken> depends on the tattoo
< VxD> "Slippery when wet"
< shiruken> "Instant Slut: Just add Alchohol"
< VxD> "Pull back tab to reveal prize"

#104 + (5) - [X]
virtualdev: I'm playing MSSQL DBA today
virtualdev: *sigh*
virtualdev: I wish they would have approved my bloody training in that
bykguy: HEH
virtualdev: I have a couple online classes that I'm taking, but it isn't the same
bykguy: nope
virtualdev: I like having the instructors hands all over me...
virtualdev: uh, I mean, hands-on training
#262 + (2) - [X]
<@hemp> big iron
<@Weebs> my iron is big
<@VxD> you are a nine iron in a three wood world...

#4 + (1) - [X]
23:27 <largos> hm... I'm a bit curious where those messages are.
23:27 <lispy> they will come through
23:28 <lispy> i did a cvs something or another the other day and it took
like 20-30 for it to show up in my inbox
23:28 <largos> yeah, like a herd of turtles stampeeding through
23:28 <lispy> ah, they're so cute!
23:28 <lispy> GiR: look!
23:28 <GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
23:28 <lispy> {}: dances with turtles
23:28 <{}> lispy: I want something that turns mere turtles into four
foot tall ninjas or something.
#176 + (8) - [X]
17:31 < geekinpink> hmmm...I don't find him very attractive
17:33 < wilco> Most people don't :)
17:34 < geekinpink> and that size of penis sounds kinda painful.
17:47 < wilco> Eh, depends what you're into :)

#85 + (6) - [X]
< Nihilist> I had dreams about you less week shiruken do you have a crush
on me?
< shiruken> Nihilist: no
< Nihilist> oh.
< Nihilist> oh well.
< shiruken> look, it's not you, it me
< shiruken> honest
< Nihilist> yeah.. right.
< shiruken> it's that.. well.. you know.. I'm currently married
< shiruken> and my wife gives me what you can't
< Nihilist> that didn't stop you last week when you... did those things..
< Nihilist> she can't please you like i can!!!!
< shiruken> that's true
< shiruken> she does a good job
< shiruken> you don't
< thumper^> THINGS HE DOOO?
< shiruken> sorry it had to end this way
< shiruken> but..
< shiruken> it's over
< Nihilist> NOO
* Nihilist cries
< Nihilist> but but shiruken
< Nihilist> I love you!
< shiruken> also, pressure of getting married puts wierd strains on people
< shiruken> you start thinking, did I have sex with everyone I wanted to?
< shiruken> did I want to have a messy 50 guy gang bang first?

#382 + (11) - [X]
<@Weebs> I have a trailer you can use
<@Weebs> and your girlfriend has a truck
<@Weebs> you're set
<@dgibbons> my gf doesn't have a truck
<@hemp> what Weebs meant was, he will use your girlfriend while your gone
<@VxD> well, Weebs has a truck, sounds like a fair rental trade
#269 + (4) - [X]
< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl

#130 + (15) - [X]
< VxD> I hate working all of a sudden at this time of night, all I want
to do it eat munchies
< HentaiJess> you should watch some pr0n. that'll keep you from being
hungry...at least for munchies, anyway
< rlangis> who's been doing lines of catnip, eh?
< rlangis> yeah, try to sound authoritive with your pants down around
your knees in front of the computer
< HentaiJess> can you check the fan? it seems to be making this weird
"fap, fap" noise....

#291 + (8) - [X]
< teknotus> dgibbons: Does your work have the same NSFW principles as
other places?
< fords> and i thought the nsfw bit was a joke
< fords> (it's not)
< teknotus> VERY NSFW
< dgibbons> teknotus: meaning if no one saw it it didnt happen?
< WormRunner> depends on what kind of work you do
< rlangis> I suppose looking at stock sites would be NSFW if you were in
the porn industry

#124 + (13) - [X]
< ashore> We've talked about integrating at least our Samba environments
with Active directory, but authenticating UNIX users through
the windows active directory would be really nice.
< VxD> everyone wants single sign-on these days
< shiruken> well, there is kerberos
< shiruken> has been for a long time
< kraptv> ashore: kerberos. straightforward.
< wilco> Woeks okay roo
< wilco> works
< wilco> fuckin papercuts
< kraptv> we've got single sign on with linux, irix, macos (a mess), and
< ashore> how difficult is it to setup?
< shiruken> well, kraptv did it, so it can't be too hard
< kraptv> oh kenny.
< kraptv> it was sooo easy
< kraptv> i just dubble clicked and stuff
#371 + (12) - [X]
<@Weebs> for the past 2-3 years I've been getting emails from a golfball company
<@Weebs> today's topic was "Personalizing your balls: How to make them yours, how to make them know their yours in a group"
<@Weebs> I greatly enjoyed the laugh I got out of it
#222 + (18) - [X]
[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???

#100 + (4) - [X]
|18:03| < nate> my ass is on fire
|18:03| < rlangis> damnit VxD, I told you to use lube!

#215 + (2) - [X]
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about chill the ham
<GiR> lispy wants you to know: chill the ham is, like, happy talk for buttsex
<cwells> is that an offer?
<lispy> GiR: tell cwells about offer
<GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
<cwells> wow
<cwells> that's an offer
#311 + (8) - [X]
13:49 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, wats your name?
13:49 <@Ducbot> cruiseoveride: no idea
13:49 < cruiseoveride> VxD, how do i create alias for What to wat ?
13:50 <@VxD> well since that's not actually english, he isn't going to play
13:50 <@VxD> Ducbot: spell wat
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wat: swat what waft wait Walt want wart
watt at bat cat eat fat hat mat Nat oat pat rat sat tat vat wet
wit wot Wac wad wag wan war was wax way w at w-at
13:50 < cruiseoveride> Ducbot, spell wats
13:50 <@Ducbot> Possible spellings for wats: swats whats wafts waits wants
warts watts Ats was bats cats eats fats hats lats mats oats
pats rats tats vats wets wits Wacs wads wags wars ways watt w
Ats w-Ats
13:50 <@VxD> mats oats pats rats!
13:51 < cruiseoveride> so it cant be aliased?
13:51 <@VxD> it could, but I don't want to
13:51 < cruiseoveride> common
13:51 <@VxD> I'd rather make you use english
13:53 < cruiseoveride> I'd rather make you use English
13:53 < cruiseoveride> Proper nouns are spelled with Capital Letters
13:53 <@VxD> that's nice there eh bloke?
13:54 <@VxD> I wonder what the Capitol of Letters would be named...
13:54 < cruiseoveride> you know what im getting at man
13:54 < cruiseoveride> How do you alias question key words like "Whats"
13:55 <@VxD> it is already built-in, contractions like "what's" and "who's"
13:55 < cruiseoveride> contraction != alias
13:56 <@VxD> why would I want an alias for "whats"
13:56 < cruiseoveride> wats?
13:56 < cruiseoveride> Its not ALL about YOU man
13:56 <@VxD> actually, in this case, it is
13:57 * cruiseoveride cries and tells the teacher
13:58 <@jasn> because typing that h is just sooo much work
14:02 < cruiseoveride> I just wanted him to be a little more *intelligent*
14:02 <@jasn> intelligent by using improper speach?
14:02 <@jasn> makes sense...

#340 + (3) - [X]
< Rev_Slid3r> I just now noticing a date error on the scheduling too
< VxD> did your system stand you up on the date?
< Rev_Slid3r> yes
< Rev_Slid3r> left me holding a floppy
#337 + (5) - [X]
< cactus> emo birthday cakes are the best
< cactus> they cut themselves

#214 + (5) - [X]
19:13 < cwells> i no longer jack off to things. now i jack off *at* things
19:13 < robbyonrails> do you aim?
19:13 < cwells> sorta
19:13 < robbyonrails> i onced tried to hit the guy in the picture
#219 + (7) - [X]
<@ Omniflare> *** NewOrleans has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

#7 + (5) - [X]
< karrlii> i have bad hair
< karrlii> i need to get it cut
< lispy> too bad penises don't work like that
< lispy> "My penis is too short, I better let it grow out"
< karrlii> haha
< karrlii> i don't like big penises they hurt
< lispy> as ken always says, "Is 11" big? I don't really know...I
haven't seen very many penises"
#25 + (20) - [X]
*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead
#35 + (6) - [X]
<charlieS> hrm. /kick doesn't work
-:- charlieS was kicked off #pdxlug by shiruken (testing)
<shiruken> hrm, seems it does
<linuxninja> lol
#330 + (3) - [X]
< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
#136 + (21) - [X]
<@Weebs> I would really enjoy being at home right now
<@VxD> jack off hour?

#94 + (8) - [X]
< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer

#220 + (19) - [X]
<Nihilist> you suck more and more every day
<cwells> hm
<cwells> so does your server
<cwells> as i pull one piece off of it everytime you talk shit to me
<cwells> luckily for you most of the peices are small
<cwells> like this capacitor that just came off
<Nihilist> and uhm.. i put suger in your girlfriend and fucked your car!
<rlangis> stella is sweet and his car is already fucked. ;)
<rlangis> you're quick, Nihilist
<cellarstella> I got sugar in me!
#132 + (6) - [X]
< thumper^> I would look funny sitting on a bike that small.
< lispy> chicks dig a funny guy
< VxD> circus clowns get all the action
* lispy goes to join the circus
< shiruken> you just don't want that action
* VxD watches the bearded lady go down on lispy
< thumper^> The bearded lady is randy for your little wang

#216 + (2) - [X]
<robbyonrails> i bought a Teen Beat magazine
<robbyonrails> cut the eyes out it
<robbyonrails> off tons of girls
<cwells> this is my favorite show
<robbyonrails> and such
<robbyonrails> and pasted pages together
<robbyonrails> ripped off feet on some of them
<robbyonrails> and then left it in the mens bathroom
#211 + (14) - [X]
< geekinpink> well, I'm going to spend the night at my boyfriend's house
< geekinpink> ta-ta
< nate> slu
< cactus> hot monkey sex!
< VxD> wait, don't leave yet, my wife isn't gone!
#208 + (21) - [X]
< cwells> shiruken: have another coffee
< shiruken> ?
< shiruken> I'm just not subtle
< shiruken> ever
< cwells> i'm just basing my observation on sheer line count
< shiruken> ah
< lispyoncrack> does this conversation make my logfile look fat?

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