#ORLUG IRC Quote Database  Admin 
Home / Latest / Browse / Random >0 / Top 150 / Bottom / Add Quote / QotW / Search / #
#175 + (8) - [X]
<@Weebs> it always makes me nervous when VxD isn't actively talking...
I'm scared that he's finally snapped and has done something that
would warrent his arrest :(

#22 + (7) - [X]
<VxD> you totally need that
<VxD> I really want to see it shift w/o a clutch :)
<pr0kfried> ok can i have $1200
<VxD> heh, I don't have any money
<VxD> but I hear that you can steal Nihilist's car
<pr0kfried> oh k
<VxD> since he refuses to register cars in his own name when he buys them
<pr0kfried> nice
<Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
<Nihilist> hey you said if i didn't tell anyone that you masterbate in your
wifes panties while watching your dogs do each other you wouldn't
tell anyone ab out the registration thing
<VxD> ...I only have one dog :)
<Nihilist> then what what it doing? you sick fucker!
<GiR> Must obey the taco man!
<pr0kfried> what what
<Nihilist> what/was
<pr0kfried> what was it
<pr0kfried> i'll take bad comebacks for $400 alex
#375 + (3) - [X]
< teknotus> Also donuts.
< teknotus> But if no one is comming I'll take them with me when I leave.
< teknotus> I just sneezed with a mouthfull of coffee. I'm guessing no one else will want donuts now.
#147 + (12) - [X]
<VxD> funny, I did that Monday
<pr0kfried> made a sammich, or had sex?
<VxD> sure
<shiruken> vxd probably did them at the same time
<shiruken> he's multi-tasking like that
#94 + (5) - [X]
< grishnav> So you're driving along in the desert, and your engine siezes.
You have no food or water, and for some mysterious reason,
will die if you not get rescued today. You cannot get to the
town that is 10 miles down the road, and for whatever reason,
nobody is going to come by. How do you get rescued?
< _vertex_> light your spare tire on fire
< grishnav> ...
< lispy> grishnav: start playing solitare?
< grishnav> I have no idea what the answer is.
< VxD> eat your own sperm to survive
< grishnav> I was thinking maybe "signal the helocopter that happens to be
passing overhead," but I didn't think to ask about the
airspace in time.
< lispy> well, whenever you play solitare someone comes by to tell you how
to play, and bam! you're resuced
< grishnav> lispy: lol
< grishnav> that fucking rocks
< lispy> VxD: who but you thinks to "eat your own sperm to survive"?
Hmmm? Who? That's just wrong....
< grishnav> well, it is an antidepressant
< grishnav> and a happy face might make you live longer

#274 + (19) - [X]
20:40 -!- vertex- [n=vertex@69-9-146-48.dsl.mind.net] has joined #orlug
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> OH THANK GOD
20:40 < vertex-> np
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> he did find it and brought it inside
20:40 < vertex-> sorry I'm late
20:40 < cactus> :)
20:40 < cactus> that's what she said..
20:40 < cactus> oh wait..
20:40 < HentaiJessOIT> hahahahaha

#298 + (12) - [X]
<@Weebs> effing hell man if you're going to post a pic of yourself with a
naked chick at least make sure it's a good pic of a naked chick
<@hemp> exactly
<@VxD> totally
<@sab_> you pimp what you got, and thats as close as he got
<@VxD> some crazy Ashland Marti Gras
<@Weebs> seriously, my penis is trying to go inside my body now... canine style
<@VxD> ...
<@Weebs> it's like a tube of lipstick :*(

#382 + (12) - [X]
<@Weebs> I have a trailer you can use
<@Weebs> and your girlfriend has a truck
<@Weebs> you're set
<@dgibbons> my gf doesn't have a truck
<@hemp> what Weebs meant was, he will use your girlfriend while your gone
<@VxD> well, Weebs has a truck, sounds like a fair rental trade
#110 + (24) - [X]
< baloo> Build-a-bear workshop is creepy
< shiruken> whoa, wait a minute
< shiruken> you're a furry
< shiruken> and you think build-a-bear workshop is freaky?
< VxD> it's like they are making a fake soul
< VxD> it doesn't have a *REAL* furry heart

#209 + (3) - [X]
<@VxD> thumper^: what's the screen resolution on that Etch-a-sketch pen?
< thumper^> it's pretty small. ich square or so
< thumper^> Inch
<@VxD> can it run at 800x600 at least?
< thumper^> ...
<@VxD> and does it have a DVI input?
< thumper^> Of course
<@VxD> I was thinking to mod it into a heads up display
< nihilist> hah
< nihilist> dvi etchasketch
<@VxD> dvi 800x600 etchasketch HUD!
< lispy> nice HUD until you do a somersault
#105 + (19) - [X]
<vertex--> if i ever can name a mountain, i will call it "Samba"
<vertex--> Mount Samba
#391 + (4) - [X]
< fords> i 'unno, i'm not hip to this level of piracy. first time i've done it. i'm a pirate virgin.
< the-wes> we're not copying VHS here
< the-wes> this is digital data
< the-wes> the 1s and 0s don't magically disappear when you upload
#210 + (18) - [X]
<cellarstella> I'm trying to think of someway that a blowjob is like knitting, but I really can't think of anything
<Miichael> lol
<cellarstella> guess you're SOL, cwells
<thumper^> Requires skill and a gentle touch?
<cellarstella> not really
<thumper^> Well I guess you're not sucking me off then.
#294 + (14) - [X]
<agilman> Im bidding on a dish network card reader
<agilman> so I will be able to get all channels for free like I used to
<shiruken> because you like to get sued?
<agilman> sued by whom?
<shiruken> dish or directv
<agilman> Im stealing from dish
<agilman> they need a warrant to check my house
<agilman> having a sattelite on your roof isn't proof alone
<shiruken> nah, the card reader is
<shiruken> it's proof enough
<agilman> you're such a pussy
<agilman> do you never park in handicap parking either?
<shiruken> only when I was driving the handicap van
<shiruken> go ahead, I know people who got sued :)
<agilman> or how about tasting stuff at winco?
*shiruken shrugs
<shiruken> go ahead
<Baloo> agilman: You park in handicapped spaces?
<agilman> I am, I hope I win the bidding
<agilman> Baloo: sometimes
<agilman> done that like 3 times
<Baloo> agilman: So... your handicap... is it mental?

#17 + (22) - [X]
<wilee_work> next time I go the a lug , I need to see the flesh copy of the people I talk to
#229 + (8) - [X]
[Weebs] so I hung out with my girlfriends friends on saturday night... it was odd. They all were vegan (my gf isn't) and I walked in with a bag of KFC food.
[Weebs] 2 of the 3 friends had been protesting a KFC that morning.
[Weebs] kinda awkward
[Weebs] after about 20 minutes of being scolded about eatting the death birds of american society they finally stopped
[Weebs] I was feeling kinda bad about the whole thing. They believe so strongly in animal rights and crap
[Weebs] so anyways we played monopoly for a while then they all started to leave.
[Weebs] Katie and I walked them out to their cars.
[Weebs] as sara (super vegan deluxe) opened her door I noticed something about her car
[Weebs] it had leather seats!
[@ thumper^] HAH!
[@ VxD] bwwwhahahahahaha
[Weebs] I was so ready to fly off the damn handle at her
[@ thumper^] JOO BE BUSTED, BIOTCH!
[Weebs] sara just got a job with PETA in georgia
[Weebs] so basically, she harassed people who were going to KFC for food in the morning, harassed me in the evening, then rode home on the lushious assmeat of a baby cow.

#286 + (34) - [X]
<shiruken> break in the back
<shiruken> like you normally do
<VxD> I thought you were hinting at brokeback for a second there
<dooder> VxD : that might be cool. I think i'll at least try and get the holes dug this weekend
#124 + (14) - [X]
< ashore> We've talked about integrating at least our Samba environments
with Active directory, but authenticating UNIX users through
the windows active directory would be really nice.
< VxD> everyone wants single sign-on these days
< shiruken> well, there is kerberos
< shiruken> has been for a long time
< kraptv> ashore: kerberos. straightforward.
< wilco> Woeks okay roo
< wilco> works
< wilco> fuckin papercuts
< kraptv> we've got single sign on with linux, irix, macos (a mess), and
< ashore> how difficult is it to setup?
< shiruken> well, kraptv did it, so it can't be too hard
< kraptv> oh kenny.
< kraptv> it was sooo easy
< kraptv> i just dubble clicked and stuff
#114 + (15) - [X]
< baloo> I hope the punishment for whoever came up with Burger King's
current ads is eternity in hell being force fed Bacon Chedder
Ranch burgers while listening to that damn jingle.
< VxD> and to your ribs they're stickin'...
< shiruken> the girls are hot on that ad
< VxD> they don't look as good on the radio
< baloo> shiruken: The girls are hot on that ad, but I've discovered that
some of the girls driving trucks into Troutdale are also pretty
< shiruken> hrm, never would've thought that
< baloo> Another thing I noticed: If it's a woman driving the truck, it
could be a sewage truck with shit running down the sides and a
slightly less anorexic Britney Spears will be driving it. Brand
new 65 foot Freightliner with a sleeper larger than the studio I
had downtown? The Queen of Sea Cows will be driving it.
< shiruken> I'm having a hard time believing this
< baloo> OK, do you have any weekdays off?
< shiruken> to go scope out truck stops?
< shiruken> hrm, let me check my calendar

#205 + (2) - [X]
* thumper^ has a palm he never uses
VxD> you jack off with your feet?
#140 + (1) - [X]
<shiruken> anyhow, those are good grades
<nate> thanks dad
<lispy> i knew it!
<lispy> nate is the love child of VxD and shiruken !
<GiR> I'm gonna make toast!
* lispy runs to the press with his new story
<lispy> screw this, i'm going home
<shiruken> lispy: he got his mac from some daddy
<nate> his name was Visa
<nate> and he owns my butthole

#192 + (6) - [X]
< keithgodat> well i pray but... unless your christian your gonna think
im insane ;-)
< robbyonrails> yeah, i think most prayers are insane
< keithgodat> well then your gonna think this is even more insane
< keithgodat> I speak in tounges, tremble when im in Gods presence, and
ive been slain in the spirit alot :D
< VxD> what level of Doom was that?

#337 + (5) - [X]
< cactus> emo birthday cakes are the best
< cactus> they cut themselves

#11 + (3) - [X]
<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.
#100 + (6) - [X]
|18:03| < nate> my ass is on fire
|18:03| < rlangis> damnit VxD, I told you to use lube!

#81 + (3) - [X]
12:58 < Nihilist> I'm at 7 items on my to do list *fights to keep it below 10*
12:58 < shiruken> bah, I have like 40-50
12:58 < _vertex_> Nihilist: if it hits nits shutdown your boss(es) computers
12:58 < _vertex_> nine even
13:01 < Nihilist> yes sir!

*time passes...*

13:28 < Nihilist> gack! up to nine tasks!
13:28 * VxD shoots one of Nihilist's tasks in the foot
13:29 < Nihilist> hahah!
13:29 < Nihilist> take that task!
13:29 < Nihilist> damnit! that was my task of taking lunch!
13:29 < Nihilist> gack!
13:29 * Nihilist runs around trying to find something to stop the bleeding

#371 + (13) - [X]
<@Weebs> for the past 2-3 years I've been getting emails from a golfball company
<@Weebs> today's topic was "Personalizing your balls: How to make them yours, how to make them know their yours in a group"
<@Weebs> I greatly enjoyed the laugh I got out of it
#158 + (9) - [X]
[12:56] <Weebs> I'm trying to think of something to eat for lunch
[12:56] <Weebs> any ideas?
[12:56] <VxD> penis
[12:56] <VxD> sliced and fried in butter
[12:56] <Weebs> no thanks, I only have one here and I'm saving it for a special

#21 + (12) - [X]
< VxD> yeah, goddamn mysql
< VxD> it makes Access look good
#262 + (3) - [X]
<@hemp> big iron
<@Weebs> my iron is big
<@VxD> you are a nine iron in a three wood world...

#82 + (12) - [X]
< pr0kfried> chicks with tatoos always look trashy to me
< shiruken> depends on the tattoo
< VxD> "Slippery when wet"
< shiruken> "Instant Slut: Just add Alchohol"
< VxD> "Pull back tab to reveal prize"

#398 + (29) - [X]
< Ryphecha> I think I need to put diapers on my portable AC.
< cjdaniel> no!
< cjdaniel> redirect the flow to drip on the exterior condensor for increased efficiency
< cjdaniel> *condenser?
< Ryphecha> I think it already does something like that
< Ryphecha> I cleaned out the air filter and turned the inside-blowy fan to max, hopefully that'll reduce the condensation rate.
< kraptv> yeah, it should drip outside, not inside.
< kraptv> is it angled with the bottom sticking more outward than the top?
< Ryphecha> Also a spider is now crawling all over the AC, I'm not sure if that's helping or not.
< kraptv> it should be.
< kraptv> (angle the bottom so the water flows outside the house, not inside.
< Ryphecha> Kinda hard to do that in a bedroom with a single window far from the floor. :p
< Ryphecha> Unless I drill a huge hole through the wall, hmm...
< kraptv> well beefalo boings.
< cjdaniel> Time to get a drip pan and a dog then.
< Ryphecha> I fill the pan with water for the dog's thirst and let the dog lick me constantly to benefit from evaporative cooling?
< Ryphecha> I think that would require more than one dog to be effective.
< VxD> Clustered Dog Lick Cooling System (tm)
< cjdaniel> Ryphecha: haha, I was thinking the dog could drink from the pan, thereby eliminating the need to empty it :-P
< cjdaniel> Dogs are not easily configured to lick constantly anyway
< cjdaniel> Prerequisite peanut butter or similar body cover is called for, which then reduces potential cooling benefits to the point of the whole endeavour being useless

#117 + (26) - [X]
< matchboy> karrlii: i peaked at your photos on your site of you in a
< matchboy> you're way hotter than vxd in his
< matchboy> but, i still prefer the idea of baloo in his bear suit in a

#330 + (4) - [X]
< fords> Nihilist: you seen that one with the squid?
< Nihilist> I'm not sure
< fords> maybe it was an octopus
< Nihilist> fords: was that the same one with the chicken?
< fords> Nihilist: only if what i saw was part of a longer version
< cwells> so was the chicken fucking the octopus or vice versa?
< cwells> i've always wanted to ask that question
< Nihilist> someone who looked like cwells was fucking the chicken, but the eel was in the girl
< fords> cwells, you chickenfucker.
< cwells> i don't think i'd want to fuck a girl with an eel in her. maybe that's why i fucked the chicken...
< cwells> i dunno, it was all a blur
< fords> well, was the chicken happy, at least?
#41 + (18) - [X]
* VxD writes an exception handler for nuts ()
#25 + (22) - [X]
*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead
#4 + (5) - [X]
23:27 <largos> hm... I'm a bit curious where those messages are.
23:27 <lispy> they will come through
23:28 <lispy> i did a cvs something or another the other day and it took
like 20-30 for it to show up in my inbox
23:28 <largos> yeah, like a herd of turtles stampeeding through
23:28 <lispy> ah, they're so cute!
23:28 <lispy> GiR: look!
23:28 <GiR> lispy: sorry...you suck
23:28 <lispy> {}: dances with turtles
23:28 <{}> lispy: I want something that turns mere turtles into four
foot tall ninjas or something.
#259 + (10) - [X]
< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?
#108 + (18) - [X]
<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression

#219 + (8) - [X]
<@ Omniflare> *** NewOrleans has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

#46 + (1) - [X]
<matchboy> makeup sex means something different
<VxD> it means you have been fscking too many clowns
#309 + (3) - [X]
< shiruken> yeah, you don't want zoosex
< shiruken> sure it sounds ok at first
< shiruken> then you draw the elephant
< shiruken> and the elephant doesn't stop when you cry
#7 + (7) - [X]
< karrlii> i have bad hair
< karrlii> i need to get it cut
< lispy> too bad penises don't work like that
< lispy> "My penis is too short, I better let it grow out"
< karrlii> haha
< karrlii> i don't like big penises they hurt
< lispy> as ken always says, "Is 11" big? I don't really know...I
haven't seen very many penises"
#343 + (3) - [X]
NotoriousOIT: haha, i'm talking to some friends about how I had an HPV scare in college
NotoriousOIT: i had an abnormal pap, had to go in for a colposcopy and a cervical biopsy
NotoriousOIT: turned out negative, but it was still scary as hell trying to figure out where the fuck i could've picked up the cunt-plague
#278 + (2) - [X]
< Sportbikerohni> I went up to my parent's house to store my trailer. I
locked myself out of my car
<@VxD> *grin*
<@VxD> and yet, you are able to use the internet...

#222 + (18) - [X]
[ absolutejoe] Darn VPN, I have to fix stuff from home ... darn technology ... I wouldn't have this problem if I was a yack milker, people wouldn't be bringing me their yacks saying, hey, I know you were sleeping, but could you milk my yack ???

#340 + (4) - [X]
< Rev_Slid3r> I just now noticing a date error on the scheduling too
< VxD> did your system stand you up on the date?
< Rev_Slid3r> yes
< Rev_Slid3r> left me holding a floppy
#333 + (4) - [X]
<@shiruken> well, look at Ben and I
<@shiruken> that's what you're headed for if you get married
<@shiruken> 3 kids and tricking 20 year olds into giving you their trash for no money
<@Nihilist> i hate you
#226 + (5) - [X]
-!- Polk_ [i=kew@c-67-171-140-109.hsd1.or.comcast.net] has joined #orlug
< kraptv> Hi Polk. I love your audio. I gotta go.
#111 + (4) - [X]
< baloo> Jeeze, Ringo Raccoon signs off FurryMUCK like he's going to bed
for the night then calls me on the phone out of the blue.
< lispy> baloo: booty call eh?
Home / Latest / Browse / Random >0 / Top 150 / Bottom / Add Quote / QotW / Search / #
There are currently 359 approved quotes and 561 pending moderation
Rash Version: 1.2.1-release