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#235 + (-31) - [X]
< lon> last person's head I held was very drunk, and naked in the shower
at my friend's party.
< lon> but I didn't love her. I just felt bad for her.
<@Weebs> pics?
<@Weebs> ok that was in bad taste
<@Weebs> so umm pics ?

#391 + (5) - [X]
< fords> i 'unno, i'm not hip to this level of piracy. first time i've done it. i'm a pirate virgin.
< the-wes> we're not copying VHS here
< the-wes> this is digital data
< the-wes> the 1s and 0s don't magically disappear when you upload
#225 + (-5) - [X]
<cactus> if ($gf.body == 'hot') { self.copulate }
<Baloo> cactus: There's a bug in your code. Patch follows:
<Baloo> if ($gf.body != 'hot') { self.copulate }
<cactus> ooh. good catch
<Baloo> Alternatively...
<cactus> if ($gf.hot-sister > 0) { print 'w00t'; }
<Baloo> if ($gf.body == 'hot') { copulate.ro }
<Baloo> if ($spouse.body == 'hot') { copulate }
<VxD> include spank.world;
<cactus> finger $gf
<cactus> if ( $gf != $wife && $wife.event == 'caught') { $wife.throw sigkill }
#213 + (1) - [X]
<cwells> oh well, i just washed my hair.. oh well i think they're closed.. oh well i'd have to take this BIG DICK OUT OF MY AS
#284 + (-4) - [X]
<__cwells__> a box has four sides
<__cwells__> four straight sides
<fords> six.
<fords> unless you meant the other kind of box.
<shiruken> 5
<shiruken> you need a top hole
<fords> a five sided box would be impractical for moving
<fords> you'd have a beastly time stacking them in the truck
<shiruken> offset them
<__cwells__> a box has four sides and a top and a bottom
<__cwells__> sheesh
<shiruken> so the bottom corners are halfway at sides
<shiruken> i.e. the position of the box is offset of the one below it by 45 degrees
<fords> what would that be called, a pentahedron?
<__cwells__> the china supports the weight of the other boxes
<shiruken> fords: 2 boxes stacked
<shiruken> that's what it'd be called
<fords> shiruken: no, because stacking does not change the shape of the box
<shiruken> the shape of the box is never changed
<shiruken> the orientation of the box is
<shiruken> I made it gay
<shiruken> here's a simple exercise
<shiruken> get a box
<shiruken> position it so that a wall of the box
<shiruken> is facing you
<shiruken> flat
<shiruken> then move the box by 45 degrees to the right
<shiruken> so the pointy part is facing you directly
<shiruken> see, I don't change the shape of the box
<fords> now i bow sharply plunging that corner into my eyes?
<__cwells__> and to think people claim IRC is a waste of time

#186 + (-18) - [X]
< shiruken> dooder: I'd live in portland if I were single
< dooder> me too
< shiruken> hell, if I were single, I think my biggest expense would be
my bar tab
< dooder> mine too
< dooder> and lube budget
< shiruken> if a girl isn't prepared to bring her own lube, she's just
not prepared for you

#370 + (-2) - [X]
< cjdaniel> Cock solves everything

#177 + (-5) - [X]
< cwells> hm
< cwells> i wonder why i keep expecting bits of javascript i find
on the net to actually work
< cwells> sigh
< cwells> i'll never learn
< rlangis> eventually you will
< rlangis> some snippet will morph into a huge trojan, take over
your system, have sex with your girlfriend, drink all
your beer and ddos your ISP
< rlangis> then, only then, MAYBE you'll learn
< cwells> ah. so *that's* who did that
* rlangis wanders off to download some javascript snippets

#27 + (-5) - [X]
<shiruken> I love developers
<GiR> Hmm.. the scary monkey
<shiruken> "Are we running the wrong version of program x?"
<shiruken> Me: "Uh, how would I know that?"
<shiruken> "Oh, um, hrm, because I gave you the rpm?"
<shiruken> ...
#203 + (-7) - [X]
< lispy> do vegetarian girls swallow?
< HentaiJessOIT> i wouldn't know
< HentaiJessOIT> i'll have to do a survey

#192 + (6) - [X]
< keithgodat> well i pray but... unless your christian your gonna think
im insane ;-)
< robbyonrails> yeah, i think most prayers are insane
< keithgodat> well then your gonna think this is even more insane
< keithgodat> I speak in tounges, tremble when im in Gods presence, and
ive been slain in the spirit alot :D
< VxD> what level of Doom was that?

#71 + (4) - [X]
< ferris> most people here are from where Portland, Eugene and Corvalis?
< grishnav> yes, and most people here also use black backgrounds, making
your blue text fucking impossible to see
< shiruken> and Beaverton
< ferris> lol how could i forget
< grishnav> is there lots of beaver in beaverton?
< grishnav> ferris: some people do it by not remembering
< grishnav> others are just ignorant

#96 + (-5) - [X]
08:11 <karrlii> :/
08:11 <VxD> why the long face karrlii?
08:12 <VxD> 8------/
08:12 <VxD> big nose
08:13 <karrlii> for you
08:15 <VxD> a big nose for me!
08:15 <VxD> yay *eats it*

#362 + (-11) - [X]
sabotage: I'm lucky to have my bike and space in my wifes bed ;)
Weebs: me too!
#28 + (-17) - [X]
<VxD> I was just reaching for the bottle of warmed lotion that I keep on top
of my monitor when...I realized I was at work...
#42 + (-17) - [X]
<largos> this is great ;)
-:- SignOff largos: #orlug (Excess Flood)
<VxD> that IS great!
#153 + (11) - [X]
<matchboy> hurt me.
<VxD> you heard us talking about gay man spanking earlier didn't
you...

#276 + (-2) - [X]
< menion > Be a good worker, get all the experiance you can there. Always remember that no matter how pissed you can get at people, neve
r never never break the law and harm your employer
< menion > that will fuck you for life.
< menion > =)
< nihilist > do i look like Randal?
< menion > HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA
< menion > roflmao
< nihilist > pwned

#306 + (0) - [X]
<fords> i'm gonna get shocks on my bike's front wheel to bounce it four inches in the air repeatedly
<fords> then surely will i be macking it up.
<baloo> fords: The environmentally friendly pimp.

#65 + (-3) - [X]
< Nihilist> grishnav: how's work going?
< grishnav> Nihilist: well, did you ever see that one anime where the guy
is raping the chick in her ass and his dick comes out her
mouth?
< Nihilist> ...
* GiR listens to the crickets chirping
< Nihilist> no don't think i saw that one
< Nihilist> happy ending?
< grishnav> well, for him

#332 + (0) - [X]
<hemp> We had a guy apply for our QA position who has multiple sniper certifications from the Army, I think .. can't remember which branch
<hemp> He was also a martial arts instructor
<hemp> for the Army
<hemp> He asked me during the interview, "am I making you nervous?" ('cause we were talking about all his combat stuff). I said, "no, I've played a lot of Halo."
#150 + (-2) - [X]
23:39 < lispy> OMG! one more quote and we'll have 150!

#319 + (-10) - [X]
< VxD> man, are you STILL complaining?
< VxD> I left for a HALF HOUR
< VxD> came back to all of this
< VxD> you don't hear me complaining like this about my job
< VxD> nope, I'm totally happy to work late nights and be given
impossible deadlines
< VxD> nothing gives me greater joy
< VxD> especially the on-call, what a precious jewel that is!
< VxD> the OPPOTUNITY to talk to people at 2am!
< VxD> how anti-social people in IT have become, how wonderful it is that
I get to talk to people late a night, usually right up from a dead
sleep
< VxD> boy am I lucky
< VxD> even better now that they moved us off from that ritzy campus into
these call center cube farms
< VxD> don't want all that glitz going to our heads you know
< VxD> and there is always a cube available, due to smart planning, and
the lack of replacements when people leave
< VxD> can have my pick in the lay of the land, nothing makes me more
secure!
< VxD> alright, I've put in my page of scrollback about how wonderful my
job is, I'm done.
< shiruken> heh
< shiruken> quit bragging

#33 + (-15) - [X]
* VxD is going to Chucky Cheese tonight, WOOHOO
<rikell42> :0
<rikell42> are you 12?
<VxD> oh come on now Chucky Cheese kicks ass
* rikell42/#orlug shrugs
<VxD> I can't live with myself if I can't play Skee Ball
<tacodog> Chuck E. Cheese kicked my ass and took my lunch money
<rikell42> I can't think of meeting people at a place like that
<VxD> never seen a rat kick a dogs ass, must have been a big old rat
<VxD> rikell42: oh yeah, it's the rage anymore
<tacodog> all that pizza he's been eatin'
<VxD> I like picking up on 10 year olds
<rikell42> :|
<rikell42> :P
<VxD> It's my daughter's birthday party nuttaz
<rikell42> aww
<rikell42> that makes sense
<rikell42> :)
<rikell42> well happy birth day
<VxD> but I use that as an excuse for picking up on 10 year olds
<tacodog> who doesn't?
<tacodog> who doesn't indeed
* VxD *grin*
#58 + (-11) - [X]
< karrlii> i love condoms
< shiruken> if I play my cards right, I might use the whole box up before
sunrise
< karrlii> i like using condoms even when i dont have to
< karrlii> i dont know why. they're just neat
< karrlii> i like japanese condoms that have cute things on them
< shiruken> even when you don't have to?
< VxD> hello kitty condoms
< shiruken> when is that?
< shiruken> like, oh honey, couldn't find a ziplock bag for your
sandwhich, I used a condom instead

#386 + (-29) - [X]
<@VxD> I wonder what it's like to have a job you want...
<@hemp> I'm sure a lot of people want your job
<@hemp> just pretend you're one of them
#365 + (-5) - [X]
Weebs: what has 4 eyes and only 1 eyebrow?
hemp: your mom?
newtMcKerr: no way dude, his mom only has 1 eye and 1 eybrow
VxD: newtMcKerr: you had her upside down
#199 + (-5) - [X]
< robbyonrails> at my last job, we convinced our boss to hire a teenage boy, so the porn downloading went way down as we had the boy to look at

#339 + (12) - [X]
<@VxD> hell, I'll sell you all kinds of girl scout cookies
<@VxD> I have three girls selling this year
<@VxD> sheesh
<@Nihilist> geez
<@hemp> ya, but are you offering remote rendevouz with your wife?
<@Nihilist> yeah can i get some double stuffyourwife cookies?
<@hemp> haha
#98 + (-4) - [X]
20:27 <shiruken> bacon makes everything taste better
20:27 <shiruken> especially bacon
20:27 <vertex--> 6 degrees of bacon
20:41 <VxD> 7 degrees of bacon seperation
20:45 <shiruken> hot bacon injection
20:46 <VxD> I love the feeling of hot bacon under my skin!

#189 + (-17) - [X]
< Weebs_> I just called our ISP tech support and he's like "I see errors
on your router, I'll clear them and if you keep having problems
we'll see what's new, have a nice day *CLICK*"
< [i]con> Wow.
< [i]con> Who's your ISP?
< Weebs_> XO
< Weebs_> same as you
< Weebs_> (at work)
<@shiruken> so, I just got this call from a guy who thought I was XO tech
support
<@shiruken> I told him, dude, I'll clean out your router with my router
sweep brush. hav a nice day
<@shiruken> *click*
#237 + (-17) - [X]
< lispy> homeless girls give the best bj's because they're starving
< lispy> they'll eat anything
< fords> huh. i always went with the $5 prostitute on the grounds that
she gets quite a bit more practice.
< lispy> $5 prostitutes are good for anal, but i'd prefer a homeless girl
for a bj anyday

#236 + (-20) - [X]
< cactus> i must cook sausage soon. gian kielbasa shall be mine.
< kraptv> Poor guy can't have the hotties eating it.
< cactus> yeah. it sucks having a girlfriend.
< cactus> you can't randomly hose around.

#77 + (3) - [X]
< Weebs[zof]> I think it would be weird to mount a pregnant woman who is
married, that I've dated her sister

#163 + (10) - [X]
<@Weebs> I Was a bunko party on saturdday
<@Weebs> and while I was at the head table this girl asked "so this is
where the orgy happens right? since this is the head table"
<@Weebs> too bad she was the only unattractive girl there

#221 + (24) - [X]
hemp: is google down?
VxD: like weebs on your sister
#193 + (-8) - [X]
< nate> yay. happy birthday to me
< lispy> nate: congratulations you slice of shit, you're a year closer to death

#259 + (10) - [X]
< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?
#356 + (-12) - [X]
11:48 < rlangis> Ima have LOTS of time to game now
11:48 < rlangis> or code, or otherwise better myself :)
11:49 < VxD> and by that you mean jo
11:50 < rlangis> of course.
11:50 < rlangis> every chance I get, just like a monkey
11:50 < GiR> Hmm.. the scary monkey
11:50 < VxD> puuurrrfect gir

#108 + (18) - [X]
<VxD>apt-get install erection
<baloo>I'm suddenly reminded of an old Slashdot Radio bit. "apt-get install jesus"
<VxD># apt-get install jesus
<VxD>Reading Package Lists... Done
<VxD>Building Dependency Tree... Done
<VxD>E: Couldn't find package jesus
<VxD>DAMMIT!
<thumper^>heh
<VxD>can't find jesus's package
<baloo>I think it's in experimental.
VxD looks in unstable
<VxD>ha, I get results
<VxD>$ apt-cache search jesus
<VxD>ispanish - The Spanish dictionary for ispell
<VxD>myspell-es - The Spanish dictionary for myspell
<baloo>#apt-get install jesus
<baloo>Reading Package Lists...
<baloo>Building Dependency Tree...
<baloo>The following extra packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection
<baloo>The following NEW packages will be installed:
<baloo> erection jesus
<baloo>0 packages upgraded, 4 newly installed, 0 to remove and 0 not upgraded.
<baloo>Need to get 8329kB of archives. After unpacking, 17.2MB will be used.
<baloo>Do you want to continue? [Y/n]
<Nihilist>jesus is only 17 megs?
<baloo>jesus and erection
<VxD>they sure know how to make code in Heaven
<thumper^>good compression

#159 + (-16) - [X]
<@Weebs> shaun I'll be there all alone
<@Weebs> will you be my date?
<@hemp> only if you wear a mini skirt
<@shiruken> it's a kilt
<@shiruken> and real scottish guys go commando to be ready
<@VxD> ...for the sheep

#232 + (-20) - [X]
< karrlii> my god i've completely superglued myself to myself
< rlangis> and yet you're still able to type

#288 + (15) - [X]
<Angel_Bear> I once did a Google search on "flesh eating bacteria".
<Angel_Bear> Sure enough, in the Google listings, I read "Flesh Eating Bacteria: Whatever you want, you can get it on eBay."

#324 + (-10) - [X]
< whitenoyce> sex is like eating KFC once ur done nibbling on the breast
& thighs u have a nice greasy box 2 put ur bones in
< fords> crass, but i suppose some people could identify with it.
< NotoriousOIT> oh god, now i'm really hungry

#249 + (-5) - [X]
< Baloo> I get the feeling security here is underworked.
< Baloo> Just came back from a break in the parking lot, and I was
stading on the back of my truck to see down into the Vancouver
Mall parking lot.
< Baloo> Security rolls up, "Excuse me, would you mind getting down from
that truck, please? I'm sure the owner doesn't want you
climbing all over their vehicle."
< Baloo> "I think I speak with authority when I say the owner doesn't
give a damn."
< Baloo> "Why's that, sir?"
< HentaiJessOIT> LOL
< Baloo> I unlock the door.
< Baloo> "Oh, carry on, sir."
< HentaiJessOIT> *dies laughing*

#281 + (-3) - [X]
<Baloo> Jeff's teaching himself how to wel.d
<Baloo> agilman and swoolley know who I'm talking about.
<lispy> shiruken: oh :(
* lispy teaching himself hydrokenesis
* lispy hurls a waterball at #orlug with only his mind
<lispy> *splash*
<jbooth> make: *** No rule to make target `umbrella'. Stop.
<VxD> oh my, and here I was wearing this white tshirt with no bra,
*giggle*
<shiruken> VxD: now I can't get that image out of my mind
<VxD> I know, I'm irrestible
<lispy> haha
<jbooth> rdfomh: password all wet

#155 + (-43) - [X]
06:12 < thumper^> linux is the festering shit that spoils the minds of today's geek youth

#317 + (-10) - [X]
< Teknotus> Some mail arrived for you.
< Teknotus> It came from Texas.
< Teknotus> It feels like a birthday card, or something.
< Dgibbons> Weird!??! from who?
< Teknotus> Doesn't say
< Teknotus> the envelope has a pretty Hawaiian floral print.
< Teknotus> It doesn't have a postmark over the stamp
< Dgibbons> Can you breath in deeply near it and tell me if it smells like anthrax?

#322 + (2) - [X]
< lokkju_wrk_> these Mormons (a nice young couple - boy and girl, around
19) always came around in the late morning, once per week,
to all the houses. Well, my friend works nights, and had
just gotten up, and was about to get in the shower...
well hung over and not thinking very well - he heard a
knock and went to answer the door... This nice couple
looked at him, the girl yelled pervert, and they never did
come back... you see, he was only wearing a sock -
< lokkju_wrk_> and it was on his foot

#10 + (-11) - [X]
12:40 < Nihilist> "Gertrude Walton, a deceased eighty-three-year-old woman, was named as the only defendant in a federal lawsuit filed by a group of record
companies. They claimed Walton made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name 'smittenedkitten.' Needless to say, the suit has since been dropped."
12:42 < shiruken> hrm, those dead pirates
12:42 < shiruken> it's like the Black Pearl!
12:43 < fords> haha
12:46 < Nihilist> lol
12:47 < Nihilist> Will gertrude Walton come to the stand? *a rotting corpse rises and hobbles up to the chair*
12:48 < shiruken> Gertrude, is it true that you shared 700 songs, amongst them, 2 live crew's "Me So Horny" and "Bitches and Pimps" ?
13:10 < Nihilist> her jaw falls off.
13:21 < lispy> nice
13:26 < fords> she's dead, she's not a leper.
13:27 < fords> it'd be more like "a rat crawls out of her mouth"
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