< hanna> well im off to an appt then vd dinner... later all.
< VxD> HAVE FUN!
< hanna> thanks have a nice VD too.
< VxD> VD...heh heh

<rlangis> fuck the girl scouts!
<rlangis> er...
<geekinpink> lol
<forkmaster> I could, but I think I would get in trouble
<geekinpink> isn't that their new moto?
<dooder> if it's not, it should be
<rlangis> no, that's the boy scout's new motto
<geekinpink> fuck the girl scouts...buy a cookie
<dooder> they can start selling cherries

<lispy> i had a dream that i had to keep going to costco because they
couldn't fit my glasses to my face correctly
<lispy> then i woke up and my glasses fit funny....
<VxD> stop laying on them
<lispy> i'm not laying on them, i'm just "getting to know the frames"...
<lispy> geez, it's differet
<shiruken> ewww
<shiruken> I like it when I get to know a girl's glasses
<shiruken> while on her face
* shiruken won't get more explicit
<VxD> hard to see her glasses with her head down there so low...
<shiruken> yeah, my belly is in the way
<shiruken> that's why I take video

< dooder> which reminds me that I took the 5th largest poo of my lifetime
a couple days ago
< cactus> sweet.
< dooder> I'm going to have to start taking pictures so I can have a wall
of fame
< VxD> yeah, it's bad when you have to flush mid-way
< dooder> this was a 3 flusher
< cactus> wowzers!
< VxD> amazing
< cactus> what did you eat?
< cactus> changs?
< VxD> a horse
< dooder> followed by a 30 min break followed by another 2 flusher
< cactus> damn skippy
< dooder> some sketchy mexian place in sherwood
< cactus> was it solid?
< VxD> I don't know how people go back for seconds at chang's
< dooder> most of it
< cactus> cuz runny doesn't cut it
< cactus> lol!
< cactus> runny doesn't cut
< cactus> awesome
< VxD> yes, only the solid 3 foot poo counts
< dooder> have I ever shared the story of the number 1 poo with you guys?
< cactus> yeah. the kind that look like it should be a crowd control rope outside a night club
< dooder> I almost had to be stiched up after giving birth to this thing
< cactus> story time!
< dooder> I was on codine and that makes you constapated. so I didn't poo for a little over 2 weeks
< dooder> it all came out as one giant poo.
< dooder> it broke physical parts of the toilet
< dooder> I thought for a while I was going to have to go to the hospital
or something. then I realized how much that would suck so I bit
down and went for it
< dooder> one solid poo that was probably around 15 inches long and 7-8 inches in diameter
< dooder> it was like being analy raped in reverse
< dooder> by a donkey
< cactus> omg!
< cactus> did it turn you gay for a week?
< dooder> no
< cactus> all I can say is "wow"
< cactus> just.. wow
< dooder> I should have taking a picture. It was almost out of the bowl

< lispy> dooder: that's right, i'm here to build a new america
< lispy> vote for me in 2008 or become a slave in the new republic of
america
< lispy> Republic of American People Everywhere, or RAPE for short
< lispy> then we'll make third world countries our slaves
< lispy> i'm sure it will be quite popular
< lispy> join us in our philosophy of RAPE

<baloo> "Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of
Bakersfield that the monkeys chewed most of Davis' face off and
that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach
his nose. Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that the
chimps also tore off Davis' testicles and foot."
<GiR> I know.. I'm scared too
<baloo> Can't you get an assisted suicide permit in Oregon if that
happens to you?
<rlangis> might

13:08 < dgibbons> anyone want a rototiller I couldn't get running?

<time passes>

07:54 <@Weebs> what have you tried on the tiller?
09:07 <@VxD> what have you not tried on the tiller?
09:07 <@VxD> How has the tiller changed your view on the world?
09:08 <@VxD> If you were a tiller, what color would you be?
09:08 <@VxD> When presented with two tillers, how would you choose the right one?
09:08 <@Weebs> if the tiller could use one word to decribe you what would it be
09:09 <@VxD> Have you ever had a conflict you couldn't resolve with a tiller? If so, what steps did you take to escalate the issue?
09:10 <@Weebs> where do you see the tiller being in 5 years?
09:10 <@VxD> If asked to map out a lifecycle roadmap on tiller management, where would you begin?
09:11 <@Weebs> if you were to ask the tiller's last supervisor to provide it additional training or exposure, what would he/she suggest?
09:11 <@VxD> Where do you feel the tiller falls in the ITIL incident management process?
09:12 <@Weebs> If the tiller could pick one superhero power what would it be and why?
09:12 <@VxD> If you were managing a group of tillers, would you make one tiller a lead to lessen your load? How would you enable that tiller?
09:13 <@Weebs> if the tiller had to get rid of one state in the US which one would it be and why?
09:13 <@VxD> If you were asked to help a tiller tie it's shoes by using words only, how would you proceed?
09:14 <@Weebs> What would the tiller's previous coworkers say about it?
09:14 <@VxD> What would your tiller sucession plan look like?
09:15 <@Weebs> Is there anyone the tiller just could not work with?
09:16 <@VxD> List out the tiller's prior roles in order and give a brief description on what the tiller liked about the job, why it took it, and why it left.
09:16 <@Weebs> Tell me why I should hire your tiller
09:16 < dgibbons> wow
09:17 <@VxD> Is there anything outside of work that you feel I should know about your tiller?
09:17 < dgibbons> anyways, I had a buddy come over with motivation and he cleaned it a bunch
09:17 < dgibbons> thats it
09:17 <@Weebs> jeez no wonder dgibbons never sells anything... he doesn't answer any questions!

< whodevil> I need to start experimenting with virtualization
< VxD> I'm virtualizing my pants
< whodevil> yeah well...
< VxD> everyone says the ESX pants are the bomb, but HR at work doesn't think so
< Daehlie> they are still working out the kinks in virtual pants
< Daehlie> namely the indecent exposure
< VxD> they need rotating virtual pants
< VxD> where the pants are used in more of a distributed model
< VxD> everyone shares the pants on a private network, getting time
shared in milliseconds per person, so it appears that everyone is
actually wearing pants, but it is cycling faster than you can
actually see at 30 fps
< VxD> thus one pair of pants can be used between up to 5 persons without
noticiable delay exposure
< dgibbons> hah
< dgibbons> "noticiable"
< dgibbons> what if there's "downtime" for one person who has to pee?
< VxD> they can be taken out of cluster rotation while in the stall
< VxD> after submitting form A342938-D in writing
< Daehlie> in tripicate

< karrlii> today is going to be a long day
< Nihilist> yes, yes it is
< VxD> damn right
< shiruken> about 12" long for me
< karrlii> haha
< VxD> shiruken: take the ruler out of your anus dude

CliffWells > are those tabs?

David GIbbons > textmate defaults to tabs..

CliffWells > DON'T USE TABS IN CODE
CliffWells > EVER
CliffWells > FUCKER

David GIbbons > I love you

<@Weebs> it's very windy here
<@VxD> bah, if it's not snowing, who cares!
<@Weebs> lol you are way braver than I am
<@Weebs> I admire that
<@VxD> I'll tell you a seekret, it's because I have a deathwish :)
<@VxD> self-hate empowers the weak!
<@Weebs> yeah being married will do that to a man

<VxD> I was just reaching for the bottle of warmed lotion that I keep on top
of my monitor when...I realized I was at work...

< karrlii> i love condoms
< shiruken> if I play my cards right, I might use the whole box up before
sunrise
< karrlii> i like using condoms even when i dont have to
< karrlii> i dont know why. they're just neat
< karrlii> i like japanese condoms that have cute things on them
< shiruken> even when you don't have to?
< VxD> hello kitty condoms
< shiruken> when is that?
< shiruken> like, oh honey, couldn't find a ziplock bag for your
sandwhich, I used a condom instead

* lon_home is psyched that the VFR broke him of being afraid to work on bikes
<@shiruken> you shouldn't be afraid of a bike
<@shiruken> a bike should be afraid of you
* Weebs agrees with shiruken
<@Weebs> next time strip a couple head bolts and show the bike who's boss!
<@VxD> head bolt strippers
<@hemp> baby... you can strip my head bolt anytime

*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has joined channel
#darcs
<shebikibrown> PRIVMSG nickserv :IDENTIFY ishere
<lispy> ugh
ERC> /msg nickserv ghost shebikibrown ishere
*** shebikibrown (~shebikibr@fern.shebiki.org) has quit: Nick
collision from services.

<@hemp> Think Rambo would be a good V-Day movie?
<@hemp> :)
<@VxD> hemp: if you like gay porn, sure
<@inertia> heh. does your wife like Rambo?
<@hemp> inertia, I highly doubt it
* inertia doesn't
<@inertia> I have never even sat through one entire Rambo movie I cant stand boxing.
<@inertia> or is that rocky? whatever.
<@VxD> hahahahahahahahahahah
<@VxD> oh shit that's good
<@inertia> are they both sylvester stallone? he is really the one I cant deal with...

<Klostrophobik> No, I just have a very low tollerance for alchol
<WormRunner> sounds like my sister. sniffing the cork is good enough
<shiruken> I so did not read that as "sniffing the cork"

<charlieS> google images fails on 'dingo penis' FWIW

< __cwells__> girls are all sass til you establish your roles
< __cwells__> consider shiruken
< __cwells__> he used to sass me all the time
< shiruken> then I fell in love with you
< __cwells__> now he just bites the pillow and cries softly to himself
< shiruken> and the way you grip my dick with your asshole
< __cwells__> those are pliers
< shiruken> and the lavendar lipstick you put on your mouth
* __cwells__ only uses shirukens dick to prop his ass in the air, like a jackstand
< __cwells__> see? like i'd wear lavender lipstick
< __cwells__> red only
< shiruken> :)
< __cwells__> you don't know shit

< cactus> emo birthday cakes are the best
< cactus> they cut themselves

< nate> yay. happy birthday to me
< lispy> nate: congratulations you slice of shit, you're a year closer to death

<@Weebs> brandon is totally my gay buddy
<@Weebs> in high schoool girls would ask me if he was gay
<@VxD> funny, everyone thought I was until I got married
<@Weebs> did you make out with dudes?
<@VxD> not that I recall
<@hemp> you never kissed your dad?
<@VxD> never with tounge
<@VxD> I think that's what counts
<@VxD> wow, just grossed myself out a little there
<@Weebs> yeah it's not gay if you don't use your tounge

<@VxD> it's kinda stupid for me to be the only one submitting
<@shiruken> kinda like masturbation
<@Weebs> I've submitted some
<@Weebs> I won't submit my own quotes though....
<@VxD> and I'm sure a good many were approved
<@Weebs> so I have to rely on you people being funny
<@VxD> luckily we are pantloads full of funny
<@Weebs> which as we all know is like waiting for a nun to give you a
handjob during mass

<kraptv> cac tus.
* rlangis watches kraptv pick a random word out of the air and drop it on the channel

< VxD> linux desktop at work just ate a disk
< VxD> unable to read inode block
< VxD> bleh!
< dlab> oh, fun
< DanKReeK> eghhwho needs inodes?
< GreySim> Apple?

* VxD wonders if DVD-RAM is the right format to clone a goat in

<Nihilist> you suck more and more every day
<cwells> hm
<cwells> so does your server
<cwells> as i pull one piece off of it everytime you talk shit to me
<cwells> luckily for you most of the peices are small
<cwells> like this capacitor that just came off
<Nihilist> and uhm.. i put suger in your girlfriend and fucked your car!
<rlangis> stella is sweet and his car is already fucked. ;)
<rlangis> you're quick, Nihilist
<cellarstella> I got sugar in me!

<@Weebs> singing whitesnake while drunk is the way I pick up chicks
<@forkmaster> because they feel sorry for the mental retard?

< Partcik> vxd, you running linux now?
< VxD> I'm running it in my pants!
< Partcik> omg, linux is all files!! there's no GUI!! omfg
< VxD> the one in my pants gets GUI sometimes...
< Partcik> is your pecker, the kernel?
< Partcik> nice mang
< VxD> right now I'm accessing: 4 linux systems, three HP-UX systems, one
w2k desktop and two w2k servers :-P
< Partcik> omfg
< Partcik> gi me gi me gi me!!
< VxD> that should keep you busy
< Partcik> ;p
< Partcik> it would certainly do that
< Partcik> yes sir
< _vertex_> and that's with his right hand
< VxD> my left actually, my right is busy...
< _vertex_> hmm I thought you were bi

* lispy is hoping his internet potential gf will login to AIM
< Kool-Aid> e-galfriend!
< lispy> yeah
< lispy> she e-seduced me!
< lispy> and i want to e-jaculate all over her picture

<VxD> woo, let's all have a furpile!
<wilco> furpile?
<VxD> YOU don't know about FURPILES??!!?
<VxD> it's where people dress up in big animal suits and all get in a
rubbing/humping pile together
<shiruken> I feel sad that I just learned that

<@Weebs> I pee a little bit everynight on my roommates bed
<@VxD> because you miss his mouth?

< cwells> who needs viagra when you have duct tape?

* VxD writes an exception handler for nuts ()

< wilko> It was sent to me by my wife
< wilko> My wife sends me gay porn at work!
< thumper^> She wants to be sure you're not in the mood when you get home.
< VxD> perhaps she's trying to help you get in touch with your inner self
< shiruken> thumper^: s/not//
< thumper^> he might be in the mood, but not for her. :)

< Rev_Slid3r> so I was getting a bagel at the coffee shop this morning,
and it was $1.35, so I reached in my pocket and pulled out
the change to get the .35 ... the girl is like "some one
hasnt been doing laundry" because I had like 2 bucks in
change ... I was like "um no ... I own a washing machine"
... I could tell that was something she hadn't considered

< rlangis> gentoo is easy: http://bash.org/?464385
< baloo> You owe me a keyboard
< rlangis> LOL

< cwells> shiruken: have another coffee
< shiruken> ?
< shiruken> I'm just not subtle
< shiruken> ever
< cwells> i'm just basing my observation on sheer line count
< shiruken> ah
< lispyoncrack> does this conversation make my logfile look fat?

<VxD> better yet, how about an online car sales site with pics of the car that
have people fucking on them
<linuxninja> YES!
<VxD> "Here is the interior, notice the high end CD/mp3 player next to Buffy's
knee"
<VxD> "you will also notice it is a stickshift, even if the shifter is
currently burried inside of Tina"
* linuxninja/#pdxlug almost loses his coffee
<VxD> haha, DRINK AGAIN
<VxD> "Around the rear of the car you can see Candy making full use of the
retractable power antenna"
<linuxninja> lol
<VxD> "And just below her you can see Mindy being assreamed by Bruno over the
SPACIOUS TRUNK"
<linuxninja> assreamed
<VxD> YEAH, ASSREAMED, GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!?!
<linuxninja> mmm...assreame

*** pr0kfried (~mking@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Remote closed the
connection
*** Nihilist (~nihilist@kraken.magnetinternet.com) has quit: Read error: 104
(Connection reset by peer)
<VxD> one host, two souls, all dead

<wilco> I like Latin
<karrlii> me too.
<karrlii> you know what i also like?
<karrlii> legendary pink dots
<karrlii> they just came on my ipod
<karrlii> they were in portland recently. i went and saw them. it was awesome.
<karrlii> i feel very clipped today.
<nihilist> i like latin too..
<nihilist>
./porn/Hot.Ass.Latinas.CD1.XXX.DVDRip.XviD-Pr0nStarS.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist>
./porn/Hot.Ass.Latinas.CD2.XXX.DVDRip.XviD-Pr0nStarS.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist> ./porn/Redhead with latino guy.mpg
<nihilist> ./porn/Young.Tight.Latinas.5.by.Salseros.CD1.XviD.ShareConnector.avi
<nihilist> see!

<Angel_Bear> I once did a Google search on "flesh eating bacteria".
<Angel_Bear> Sure enough, in the Google listings, I read "Flesh Eating Bacteria: Whatever you want, you can get it on eBay."

< kraptv> mastiff logs in as root for daily activities.
< VxD> I login as pigfucker for daily activities
< mastiff> I login as root, but I set the UID of root to 666 and make an
account called satan that has UID 0
< mastiff> so when you do an ls -lR on my system it looks like all my
files are posessed by the devil

* skye waits very impatiently for Duke Nuke'em Forever
< moxious> don't hold your breath
<@rlangis> we've all been holding our breath since '96
< moxious> and somehow you're still alive :\
<@rlangis> I cheated
<@rlangis> I took a breath every time they announced a delay
< sporkie> lol
< skye> roflmfao

< lispy> everyone has had more sex than me!
< shiruken> duh
< shiruken> of course
< shiruken> hell, my first time, I bet I had more sex than you

16:02 < cwells> anyone in a police chase that isn't on a motorcycle isn't going to fair well
16:02 < cwells> although that one guy in the tank looked promising
16:03 < cwells> he at least made an impressino
16:03 < cwells> which is like, a small impression
16:04 < cwells> he seemed angry
16:04 < cwells> he tried to knock down an overpass by ramming the pillar
16:04 < cwells> although, i think it's safe to assume that if you hijack a tank and start running over cars you are probably angry about something
16:05 < shiruken> he was high on life
16:05 < cwells> or maybe he was just compensating for other... "shortcomings"

<__cwells__> a box has four sides
<__cwells__> four straight sides
<fords> six.
<fords> unless you meant the other kind of box.
<shiruken> 5
<shiruken> you need a top hole
<fords> a five sided box would be impractical for moving
<fords> you'd have a beastly time stacking them in the truck
<shiruken> offset them
<__cwells__> a box has four sides and a top and a bottom
<__cwells__> sheesh
<shiruken> so the bottom corners are halfway at sides
<shiruken> i.e. the position of the box is offset of the one below it by 45 degrees
<fords> what would that be called, a pentahedron?
<__cwells__> the china supports the weight of the other boxes
<shiruken> fords: 2 boxes stacked
<shiruken> that's what it'd be called
<fords> shiruken: no, because stacking does not change the shape of the box
<shiruken> the shape of the box is never changed
<shiruken> the orientation of the box is
<shiruken> I made it gay
<shiruken> here's a simple exercise
<shiruken> get a box
<shiruken> position it so that a wall of the box
<shiruken> is facing you
<shiruken> flat
<shiruken> then move the box by 45 degrees to the right
<shiruken> so the pointy part is facing you directly
<shiruken> see, I don't change the shape of the box
<fords> now i bow sharply plunging that corner into my eyes?
<__cwells__> and to think people claim IRC is a waste of time

<Baloo> LinuxWorld started with a fire drill today.
<Baloo> The Unisys booth had a server catch fire an hour into the convention
<HentaiJessOIT> OMG
<HentaiJessOIT> freaky
<HentaiJessOIT> i gotta shut a few computers down
<Baloo> Kayfox said "Heh, typical unisys"
<Angel_Bear> I thought Linux was the OS that was supposed to Not Suck.
<Baloo> Hey now.
<Baloo> The software was willing, but the hardware was weak and flammable.

-!- VxD changed the topic to: you can never have too many orgasms
<@shiruken> my motto
<@Weebs> I've had 7 since we started this conversation
<@shiruken> only 7?
<@shiruken> you gotta catch up
<@Weebs> I keep a hairdryer at my desk just for emergancies like these

<+ orbgasm> have you seen the baby jesus buttplug at
http://www.divine-interventions.com
<+ rlangis> baby jesus makes anal virgins cry